(upbeat music)
- Antoni, who are we doing this week?
- Well, the dossier says we're working
with Coach Steve Steve.
He's 47, and his goal is to get his job back.
- Oh girl, I love me some coach, honey.
Craig T. Nelson is an icon; accepted!
- He was nominated by a child, aw!
- So, my best friend lives in a shipping container,
and he fucked my mom.
He recently got fired from my school,
and he always looks like total dog shit.
- Jesus.
- So, I don't know, can you guys like gay-rescue him?
- I am loving the child's confident vest moment.
- Mm-hmm.
- We're here. - It's us.
- I'm here, I'm right over here.
This is incredible!
- So obviously, you know why we're here.
- No idea.
You're five people who came to the Diaper Barge
and jumped on me.
This is the best day of my life, baby.
- Okay, so this place is a little bit dirty.
But barges are Paris, honey.
They are the Seine, they are Audrey--
(thumping) Ow!
- Diaper fight! - [Karamo] Are you kidding me?
- Hey! - No, uh huh.
This is how people get sick, I'm out.
So is there like a fridge, or--
- Oh, no no no.
You can't have food here on account of the birds.
The birds run the barge, and you know what they say:
"The birds run the barge".
- So you're serving me some Clark Gable
meets Super Mario vibes.
- I do like to jump on turtle.
- What is your current grooming situation, sweetie?
- I call it The Brush.
- Okay.
- Because it's one brush I use for all my parts.
My head, my teeth, my peanut--
- Your peanut?
- And my asshole.
- Jesus in my vagina, that poor brush.
- So Steve, I want to know all about Bridgeton Middle.
- Aw, I love that school.
The walls go up until they hit the top wall,
and then they go sideways.
- Hearing Steve talk,
there's a real childlike innocence to him.
- The walls, the walls go down, and then that's a room.
- He's dumb, he's a dumb man.
- The dumb ones pound the hardest, honey.
(upbeat music)
(bird chirping)
- Okay Steve, so since you live on the water,
I thought we'd do a fresh, simple, seafood dish.
Ceviche, or--
(birds squawking)
- Oh! - Help me, help, help!
- Oof magoof.
- So Steve, as a dumb man,
how would you describe your style?
- Oh I don't have a sty anymore.
- No no, style.
- I guess, like, a little skin volcano on my eye.
- Hey Tan, would it be gay
if I told you I'm living for this shirt,
but I'd be dying if it came in a floral print?
- Oh my gosh, so gay, and so lovely.
- Fashion woof!
Okay, or whatever (laughs)
- Shoo!
(bird squawking) (yelling)
- I do not even think y'all are ready
to see the new and improved Coach Steve.
- You did such a good job.
- Oh my gosh Jonathan, he looks beautiful!
- Oh, Coach Steve, what do you think of your new look?
- What, what look?
- Right there, in the mirror.
- You mean the window, what, the handsome man
who does everything I do?
Look, he's still, he's still doing it.
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
Oh okay, no, he's different.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, so Steve, you've got this new look,
and you're feeling more confident.
Now I wanna talk about asserting yourself.
- Okay, do whatever you want to me.
- See, that's what I mean.
I notice you say yes to almost everything.
- Yes.
- Like that, right there, you just said yes.
- Okay.
- Look at my lips.
- Alright. - No.
- Right. - Oh my God, okay.
I brought you out here to teach you the value of saying no.
- Yes!
- Steve, tell me, if all of your friends were jumping
off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you jump off--
- Okay.
- Oh my gosh, Steve! - Any friends down here?
- To the Diaper Barge!
Squawk, squawk!
- So guys, while you were cutting Steve's hair,
telling him how he feels, and buying him a shirt,
I renovated his entire fucking home.
- Wow, I don't notice a difference.
- Well, over here, I framed one of your favorite diapers,
just as a nod to the history of the Barge.
- Okay, so for Steve, we need to keep things super simple.
We've tried a French tuck,
and he managed to stuff his entire shirt into his urethra.
- Yeah, I stuffed my peanut pretty good.
(cheering) - Steve, you look so amazing!
- You look so good! - We love you!
- Oh you guys, thank you so much!
This is the best drivers' ed course I've ever taken.
- Okay, but lastly Steve,
we wanted to give you something to remember us by.
- She's a gorgeous, golden whistle, honey.
- This way, we'll always be with you, Steve.
- Aw, I love you guys, you're my parents.
- Aw, come here, we love you too, boobie.
- Now go get your job back, you simple block of cheese.
- Alright.
(upbeat music)
- Goodnight nurse, sweetie, is that birdseed?
(squawking)
- You know what, we've given Coach Steve all the tools.
Now let's watch him stand up for himself,
and get his job back.
- Oh shit, look at her, she is a beach wedding.
She is a linen curtain.
She is Tom Selleck raised in a crawl space, honey.
- You know, I gotta be honest,
working with Steve has definitely changed us.
- I've met someone, his name is Piper.
We finish each others-- (squawking)
- Oh my God, they're gorgeous together.
- Very handsome, inter-species couple realness.
- I love you so much, my best friends.
- Aw, I love you too!
- My God, gonna miss you, girl.
- Come out of the whistle now, come out and be with me.
Be with me now outside of the whistle, outside now please.