- To this day, my mother struggles with the idea
that, like, her offspring has any sort
of mental health issue.
- I still hid it from some people,
because I didn't want anyone to treat me like I was weak.
- It always comes back to the exact same thing,
you know, you're crazy, estas loco.
- I never really, you know,
would mentally allow myself to be weak.
- You develop this whole, like,
yeah, I'm fine, everything's great,
because it wasn't talked about then.
- When I was about 16 years old,
my mother attempted suicide.
Filled my life with a lot of uncertainty,
a lot of not knowing what's comin' tomorrow.
And I just, you know, my whole life,
I used to think she was being dramatic and like,
until I experienced my own massive panic attack,
a couple years back, it really hurts me
that how hard I was on her, you know?
Like, once I see how real of a thing it is.
And now I, like, I sometimes have, like,
self-regret, like, damn, you really,
you didn't have remorse for your own your mother, you know?
And that shit, that's hard.
- I struggle with depression and anxiety,
and it all started years back.
Growing up, you don't really talk about it,
and especially in the Latino community,
there's a lot stigma around mental health, you know?
Numerous times, you try to voice what you feel
and it's almost dismissed.
- As sick as it sounds, it felt like a friend,
because I've had it for so long.
But when I really needed help was about three years ago,
and I had actually made a plan to commit suicide.
It's weird when you're in that frame of mind
because you don't think of your loved ones,
which, I have a daughter,
and I just felt like she was better off without me.
- So I just remember in middle school
dealing with certain situations,
but not really knowing how to name those emotions.
Feeling like there was a weight over me,
feeling like there was a cloud, a dark cloud following me.
The stigma that I, that was in my mind a lot,
was a stigma that is in the black community a lot,
which says that if you go to therapy, you're crazy,
or there must be something wrong with you.
And you, as a black woman, you just have to be strong
and deal with it on your own,
or go to pray to god about it.
And so I just didn't wanna be seen as weak.
- In middle school, I actually had a teacher
who sent me to the guidance counselor,
and then I think my mother came in at a certain point
and we were just like, no, no no, this isn't a thing.
This doesn't happen to us.
Something like that.
- I wish that employers would know more about
how crippling and debilitating depression is,
because I feel like a lot of people
just kinda grin and bear it
because the stigma out there that a lot of people think,
oh, you're just making this up
'cause you don't wanna work, or you're lazy.
- I guess kind of the cultural background where I am from,
it was just kind of like a no, this,
we're gonna turn a blind eye to this.
She received less education about it,
I mean, I think it's also a generational divide,
whereas when I was in high school and stuff,
we had health classes that talked about these sort of issues
and I don't necessarily think that
she received that sort of education.
She was like, you know, for every time you go see
a therapist, you could just go get a massage,
or something just like totally,
like, nonconstructive, unproductive ways of thinking
that made it even more difficult for me
to take these steps on my own,
because I had like no support.
- Well, I mean, I even grew up in a time where,
you know, I was upset or crying or even sad,
and like, you know, smile, smile, you know?
And I think it's getting better,
but it's definitely not there yet.
- Dealing with something like this
when you're so afraid to be vocal about it,
you feel like there's something wrong with you.
Normal really is experiencing emotions,
normal really is heartbreak,
normal is sadness.
All those things exist,
all those things, everyone goes through.
A lot of people think that going through mental illness
and going through depression or anxiety
makes you a weak-minded individual,
and that's not the case at all.
- Through my seeking of help, I've recognized,
I've had to do these things and had to undergo these things
because no one could walk in my shoes and be me,
like, through these experiences.
This is what molded Nate today,
this is who I am,
this is my story and this is what I have to run with.