JADEN: Many of us are just searching for identity. People have tried to find that
in different things. For me, I didn’t know exactly what I was walking towards;
I just knew I wanted to find security and peace in something.
My first church memory was really, honestly, probably just singing in the front. My grandma,
at their church, they all went to a Pentecostal church growing up,
and they would always put me to sing from about probably one year old.
I have a musical family—pretty much all play and sing music. And that’s pretty much all
my life was like: just regular church attendance. Honestly, music was just
everything I did. I would just spend hours in my room, playing the piano and singing.
At 17, by that point, church was just something we went to and we did. I kind of just took it
for granted that this is church, and I always believed in God. I never really considered
what my beliefs are and whether they’re solid or whether they’re shallower than you think.
I had gotten to the point where my abilities in music were increasing, my affections were all
over the place, I wasn’t really thinking about the Lord. Because around 17, I left my home.
And soon after that, I ended up connecting with a producer. We started to get in the door with
Sony and Universal and all these different people. And I pursued that instead of what I should have.
I left the home in a very rebellious manner. There was a lot of destruction that came as a result:
splits in the family, torn relationships, just much that happened as a result of my
sinfulness and my idolatry. “What do I want?” “What am I looking for?” “What do I want to
accomplish?” “What do I want to have?” I really was just living a hypocritical life.
I would go to church regularly, even to the point of playing up in the front of church.
But my heart, and my mind, and my actions were far from living a life of godliness.
You can put on this external appearance. You can try to mask what’s really going
on. You can try to look holy or look like you’re a good person, all right—when really,
all that’s going on in your heart and all you desire is far from it. And that was a
tug-of-war that I felt. I was starting to be recognized for what I could do,
what I could create. But at the same time, I knew it was essentially idolatry. That unsteadiness
and that lack of peace was so strong that I just didn't know where to go. I didn’t know what to do.
I got a job at the post office, initially thinking, “Okay, let me make some money so I
can fund some of the music promotion,” stuff like that. My mom continued to pray that I wouldn’t
have peace in my music pursuits. She was the type that would wake up at 5:30 in the morning,
read her Word, and she also kept planting seeds of truth. She kept telling me, “Hey,
why don’t you listen to these guys?” “Why don’t you take a listen to this?”—People
like R.C. Sproul. And I put it off for a while. Eventually I began to
play one thing here, one thing there, and that really changed things for me.
Some of the first things that I was seeing from Ligonier and hearing were the Q&A sessions. Panels
with Sproul, Ferguson really began to show me how much I didn’t know. I had about 10 to
12 hours delivering mail daily. So I just started soaking up those sessions. I began to understand,
“Woah, this is much bigger than I thought. Life is not just about music
and my talent. I’ve been searching all this time to be accepted, to be loved,
to be cared for.” I began to learn more about the scriptures through a lot of
those Q&A panels. And from there, I just wanted to learn more of who this God was.
So I began to study the Scriptures and books from ministries like Ligonier.
And over time, I began to see, “Wait, there’s a lot more than music in this
life!” And how great a love it is for God to send His own Son to die
for me when I don’t deserve that. I began to understand that everything that you do means
nothing if you’re pursuing yourself; everything is essentially idolatry.
So, I started to have a heart to share the truths, to share the gospel with others. I would find
myself having conversations with people on my mail route—sometimes very long conversations, and then
I would have to run to catch up on my job front. But I still have much to learn, much to grow,
and I don’t know everything. But that has become a growing desire in me. And if the Lord wills, I
would love to continue sharing that, whether that be sharing with others, teaching others, music.
I started playing piano again in church. I haven’t really spent much time recording. My view has
become, “Whatever the Lord wills!” I’m just prayerfully moving forward one step at a time,
knowing and trusting that whatever the Lord has, I’ll walk through that.