*Intro Music*
*Rage Quit Music*
Welcome to another joy filled episode of Rage Quit.
This time we're going to playing a game called "This is the Only Level" and it's a game that only has one level so I only have to play ONE LEVEL.
Now you see here we can play level one OR we can continue level one.
I think just to start off slow we'll just play level one.
And great, there are spikes!
Spikes everywhere!
This is a balanced elephant. Look at this fuck.
*HUNGH*
Holy fuck! He's light!
Guy went fucking flying!
So- AH SHIT
So is something going to drop down on me and crush me here when I go?
No?
Oh great! Yeah, I see what they've done.
You got level one, stage two.
So there's going to be like a thousand fucking stages.
Holy shit. OH! God.
Okay so this one.
Oh shit! The- the left and right are backwards.
So they're just going to fuck with you every round.
Great.
It's not one level. It's not one level.
You fucking lied to me.
Well.
Fuck...
What the fuck is he doing here?
Alright.
He's fucking doing the two-step!
Look at this!
I'm holding the- I'm holding the arrow keys this is all he's doing.
He's fucking jerking off!
He's humping the fucking teal block!
Cyan?
What colour is that?
Is that like a sea foam?
He's banging it!
Is it any of this?
Not going on here?
Any of the- no?
Hold on let me try uh, let me try Ray's keyboard, see if that works.
Didn't seem to do shit.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?
I'M JUST ROCKING BACK AND FORTH!
I'M TRYING TO LIKE, GET MY KIDS TO GO TO SLEEP!
HOW THE FUCK DO I MOVE THIS PRICK?
WOAH! Ah- Oh you fuck!
I got to click the thing?!
God damn it you fucking dumb shit. Get in the fucking hole.
WHAT KILLED ME THERE?
I went right through it!
No. Get your fucking FAT ASS in the fucking pipe.
Holy shit.
I can't jump? Is that-
I can't seem to jump.
So how... do I go up?
Oh wait!
Ohhh, 'cause "dull"
See! The- the hints are in the name!
Read the name of the stage.
I'd say level, but it's just one!
Hey, go higher.
Higher and high- OH SHIT!
There you go.
Get... oh God damn it.
AH FUCK ME!
I went through the fucking ceiling!
Candy stri- OH WOAH. What happened?
OH! SHIT! OW! OH! I'm just dying.
I'm just dying. Oh, I can't touch the blue stripes.
Well I just killed myself fifteen fucking times.
Do I need the mouse again? Are we doing the mouse thing again?
Oh shit. Yup.
Yup. Yup.
Yup. This time we're just sliding it. And oh and I see clicking jumps.
This is... this is an interesting game.
Holy SHIT! DUDE! CALM DOWN!
Fuck!
Oh shit.
Ohh, shit.
Oh, I getting blown. I'm getting blown.
Not a good "blown", a bad "blown".
Come on, you fuck!
Get up there.
TSHURGH!
Oh, Shit!
Come on, come on.
Fucking SHITHEAD!
Oh, heavy headwind. YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY, I PICKED UP ON THAT.
You MOTHER FUCKER!
He keeps bashing his fucking head in.
He's just bashing his fucking head in and wont get across the spikes.
HE JUST WANTS TO DIE!
"Stay low", so something going to... what's going to happen?
I can't jump again.
Can I bounce on the spi- no! Can't bounce on the spikes.
That doesn't work.
OH!
FUCK! I don't even need to hit the button. God damn it.
Left... Right... March.
GOD. DAMN. IT.
*exhale*
How do I get up there?
How do I get UP?
I'm tapping left, right and this is what's happening.
Oh. AGAIN, THERE'S NO WALL! FUCK!
I just keep trying to get to the buttons for no reason. For no reason.
I'm PISSED off at how stupid I am, ok?
OH, fuck! And then- and he can only jump once.
Doesn't seem to be a way to open this. Nope.
The s- You know what? The spikes still fucking kill you.
On level one stage fifteen, you'd think that they wouldn't, but they do! Yeah! You still die.
So, it says "time to refresh", I'm guessing maybe you have to refresh the page?
Which, if it's not what you're supposed to do, I'm going to have to play all the levels over again.
Ah, fuck it. Who cares. Let's find out.
Refreshing the page now, so let's see if this uh, completely fucks me.
Getting an ad, so it's uh, I'm not going to put that in.
But I think it's like for AT&- No, it's for Kuerig. It's for the coffee.
The coffee pot. Maker.
It doesn't make coffee pots, it make coffee.
Ok, so we're back. I refreshed my browser.
Um, hopefully I don't have to do all that again.
I don't know!
Holy shit! It actually worked!
Ok.
Alright, that was just a... that was a freebe.
OH SHIT! OHH SHIT!
The stage is- oh no it's mel- oh it's all going to shit.
God damn it.
It's getting... SHORTER!
GET UP THERE! There you go.
Oh, you didn't open it. You didn't open it.
Where's what- what am I doing with the button?
No it's still uh, OH GOD DAMN IT.
I- It- Th- Uh- Again the game is just like "Michael, you're fucking stupid".
And I'm like "Yeah... I know... I know".
OH SWEET! The internet from our old office is back! Look at this!
Yeah this is uh-- You know what? I don't remember what level one looks like.
There's a button? Righ- Holy shit, are you fucking kidding me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
Alright, there's a fucking invisible wall there.
"Center Keyboarder". Alright well, I'll just start pushing buttons.
Nope. Nope!
Nope! Nope!
That's still not it!
Where's the- where's the "go right"?
You just keep going left to your death.
This is- this is "F".
"F" is FUCKING YOURSELF, ok?
You're fucking yourself with "F".
There you go. "H" your way to the right.
There we go.
There we go, we got "F", we got "T", we got "H"!
We're good to g-- We're good to go! We're good to-- I love playing games like this!
It's great!
"Uppercase"
Uh... cap- Cap Lock!
Oh look at that! I'm like a fucking hacker!
Right?
Did you ever see that movie?
At one point, Angelina Jolie, she just hits Cap Lock. And then they get in.
Oh, yeah! Go! GOD DAMN IT! Oh, fuck. Maybe it just opens and I got to stand here.
I don't know if the button had anything to do with it.
OPEN!
Don't open? OH SHIT!
Oh, it was invisible!
Fuck...
I'm Indiana Jones!
Credit Page?
Holy shit! Did I beat it?
Oh WAIT!
Wait.
There's credits on the main menu.
This game is tricky! It's like sending me on an adventure. Ha Ha! Credits!
Yeah, you know, whatever.
Give me twenty-seven.
HOLY SHIT! OH GOD.
Everything has gotten so real, so quickly.
Why is the ground fucking shaking, what the fuck is happening?
Where's the button?
You missed it you dumb shit.
ZOOM OUT.
I can't see!
Oh wait, there we go.
Yeah!
Thirty. Let's say thirty levels, right? Thirty has a zero at the end of it.
You fucking asshole.
HURGH
UNRGH
HUOGH
Fuck!
Just.. HAUL ANUS!
*panting*
Aww, look at that. I bounced him!
Uhhh... yeah.
Oh, holy shit, I actually beat the game!
That's like, the third time that's ever happened! Yes!
Yes you did, Micheal! Good job, only 73 deaths!
Usually I have a couple thousand more than that.
So, uhh... I guess that's it! It's Rage Finish this week! Fucking finished the shit out of that.
Tune in next week where maybe there'll be a different show!
*Outro music*