is he a tall child immortal the
embodiment of chaotic evil or the man
who murdered Princess Diana that's up to
you and my dad pulled into the
drive-through and we started cheering
and then he ordered one black coffee for
himself
welcome to watchmojo.com Eleni was funny
the passwords have passed you've
correctly guessed but now it's time for
the robot I've devised the question
which of these pictures does not have a
stop sign in it for this list we're
looking exclusively at memorable moments
from mulaney's resplendent stand-up
career excluding his time on Saturday
Night Live I mean a lot to a small group
of people number 10
a proud asian-american woman and every
time they banged the gong all the kids
sitting in front of me would stand up
turn to me and bow like that which is
some racist ass [ __ ]
but also incredibly well coordinated
childhood is full of merciless teasing
from your peers and Mulaney was no
exception to that rule
he's inherent geekiness aside Mulaney
was also scrutinized as an
asian-american for a good chunk of his
school life despite being born to Irish
Catholic parents when I was in grade
school I was bullied for being
asian-american and the biggest problem
with that is that I am NOT
asian-american though to be honest it is
hard to rebuff the visuals Mulaney
revels in recalling the relentless
teasing for something so inaccurate and
how it informed his subsequent fear of
13 year olds with their uncanny ability
to go straight to the root of people's
insecurities look at how wasted man he
got feminine hips and I'm like
sensitive about fortunately Mulaney is
able to laugh about it now and even take
some pride in it when recalling being
mistaken for a woman by a blockbuster
clerk over the phone I am a proud
asian-american woman and you will treat
me with respect I am a tiger mom number
nine the accidental prostate exam I went
the healthcare system is there for us to
use but not abuse Mulaney learned that
the hard way at a check-up when he
attempted to fake symptoms to get his
hands on his annex prescription get to
the front desk and they have a why are
you here sheet and I want to pick
something that will get me in and out
really quickly and I looked down and I
see frequent urination and I was like
perfect the lies he spins about
extremely frequent urination land him in
too deep in more ways than one doctor
looks at me says you're being 11 times a
day then you may have something wrong
with your prostate so what we need to do
some of you are ahead of me
unable to backtrack his deceit Mulaney
is robbed of his dignity following the
invasive hint routine procedure and
proceeds to black out during the
follow-up blood tests upon awakening the
doctor is gone Mulaney is left with the
eccentric nurse and that window of
opportunity is closed sometimes I get
nervous on airplanes
and Batman said the doctors gone it's
probably for the best and while it may
not have helped his already high anxiety
Mulaney seems to have learned his lesson
number eight can I walk you home
everyone knows that one peer from
college who went on to do big things for
mulaney's parents that person was former
President Bill Clinton and also my dad's
a much more like morally upright
conservative kind of guy he always told
me that he hated it in college that Bill
Clinton could quote get away with
anything can you imagine how he felt
later and yes he was Slick Willy back
then too frequently offering to walk his
female classmates back to their dorms so
my mom tells me that Bill Clinton would
be out in front of the library every
single night just being like hey can I
walk you home hey can I walk you home
fascinated by his mother's stories of
Bill's charisma Mulaney can't help but
ponder what might have been had his
mother taken the opportunity a little
further mulaney's entire special builds
towards his own encounter with Clinton
as a young boy at a fundraiser with his
mother and despite his father saying
otherwise we have to go see Bill and
without looking up at her my dad just
says why it's not like he's gonna
remember you the politician actually
remembers mrs. Mulaney fondly and though
we all know why Mulaney puts it best
Bill Clinton turns looks at my mom and
says hey Ellen cuz he never forgets a
[ __ ] ever number seven the worst
financial decision I ever made I went to
college for the whole time holy [ __ ]
right tuition is expensive there is no
getting around it
and Mulaney is neither a stranger to it
nor able to shake off the injustice of
it
the comedian recalls his college getting
in touch with him and asking for charity
we want a gift and breaks down for his
audience exactly how generous he'd been
to them already so roughly speaking I
gave my college about a hundred and
twenty thousand dollars okay so you
might say that I already gave them a
hundred and twenty
thousand dollars with repetitive
emphasis Bellini goes over his exchange
of 120 grand for an English degree and a
string of miserable life experiences
before laying into his fellow alumni who
clearly peaked in college if you're an
adult still giving money to your college
college is a hundred and twenty thousand
dollar hooker and you are an idiot who
fell in love with her it's difficult to
say it wasn't worth it
Mulaney has enjoyed a prolific career in
the entertainment industry with no signs
of slowing down even if it did cost him
a hundred and twenty thousand dollars
how dare you clap for the worst
financial decision I ever made in my
life I paid a hundred and twenty
thousand dollars for someone to tell me
to go read Jane Austen and then I didn't
number six
real estate agents and children and
they're always so excited to see you too
as we've seen Mulaney has not made his
dislike of children a secret and along
with his wife is still on the fence
regarding having kids of their own
Mulaney muses on the ludicrous 'ti of
real estate television with three
children and nine on the way and a max
budget of $7 let's see what Lauri Jo can
do on this week's episode of you don't
deserve a beach house then not so fondly
remembers a time that he and his wife
were viewing a potential new place and
the realtor made some presumptuous
implications for their family future
this is a non-fire garbage can
could be a nursery springboarding from
that he reflects on how awkward his
interactions with young children have
been from babies that point to toddlers
that haven't learned appropriate
conversation yet sometimes babies will
point at me and I don't care for that
[ __ ] at all no poking fun maleeni
essentially gift wraps a comforting
message that you don't necessarily need
children to have a fulfilling family
life number five the homeless guy years
ago I was walking down the street and a
homeless guy came up to me and he walked
up to me and he pushed me like that life
in a big city can guarantee anyone a
run-in with some strange characters and
odd swords but for a comedian
these are blessings in disguise and ripe
for harvesting material with this in
mind
Mulaney recalls his encounter with a
homeless man on the streets and the odd
order in which he chose to list his
characteristics excuse me I am homeless
I am gay I have AIDS
new in town as concerned as any would be
with the irrelevant information he's
been presented with Mulaney proceeds to
dissect this man's thought process with
the masterful to dentists ISM he's known
for I'm gonna say I'm new in town no no
hold back hold back what happened to the
gentleman beyond their encounter remains
a mystery but based on what we were told
you can probably piece it together look
I have a friend who's like this no
single guys left in Manhattan
I'm like I know someone who's new in
town what are three other things about
him number four detective jayjay bitten
binder by the way detective jayjay
bitten binder wore three-piece suits he
also wore a pocket watch two years in a
row he wore a cowboy hat he also had a
huge handlebar mustache children safety
is a concern for any good school but
someone was a little too overzealous
when they looked up JJ Benton binder
time for street smarts with detective JJ
bitten binder shut up you're all gonna
die
streets nice that was the general tone
Mulaney school would host this eccentric
violent crimes expert annually in he
would not hold back and making sure
children knew exactly what to do when
not if they're abducted teaching them an
assortment of skills that was a big
thing with Benton binder was throwing
pedophiles off their rhythm
the detectives advice clearly had an
effect on young Mulaney who as an adult
is still terrified not only of abduction
but also the concept of secondary
locations if I'm at a place I never want
to go to another place to make things
worse Benton binder got wind of
mulaney's original stand-up and was not
overly impressed with him tarnishing his
good name he was like the three-piece
suits yeah I never wore the cowboy hat
to schools
well at least Mulaney knows how to
distract him should their paths cross
again you want it okay number three the
one thing you can't replace and he says
to me hey were you at my party on
Saturday and I said no you know like a
liar in a story that sounds like it came
right out of a Judd Apatow movie belaney
Chronicles a high school party at the
house of one of his least favorite
teachers while he was away and the havoc
that was inflicted in the name of that
hate another kid found out which room
was mr. McNamara's and went upstairs and
took a [ __ ] on his computer
so the party was going great
an army of drunk students proceeded to
destroy the house though responsible for
property damage in both provocation and
evasion of police Malini discovers the
worst thing that happened that night was
something he wasn't even responsible for
the theft of antique family photographs
and I had that thought that only
blackout drunks and Steve Urkel can have
did I do that it's only years later he
discovers who the culprit actually was
and the chaotic motivations behind it
and Alex said because it's the one thing
you can't replace we all know teens will
absolutely drink underage if they can
but that that's all kinds of evil number
two a horse and a hospital it's like
there's a horse loose in a hospital I
think eventually everything's gonna be
okay but I have no idea what's gonna
happen next every comedian has had
something to say about Donald Trump in
his presidency but none describes the
absurd uneasiness of life under this
presidency as mulaney's colorful analogy
of Trump as a horse
roaming around a hospital horse used the
elevator
I didn't know he knew how to do that
even with his own admission that he
tries not to dabble in political affairs
he is still able to provide a creative
commentary on Trump's administration his
supporters his policies and even the
tensions with North Korea all under the
suitably absurd blanket of an animal of
wandering the halls of an infirmary with
not a single clue as to what he's gonna
do next
and then 10 seconds later the horse is
like I'm gonna run touch the baby
incubators and smash them with my hugs I
got nice hooks in a long tail on my
horse it is a masterclass on political
comedy done well how come you open the
door for the force and they go well the
hospital was inefficient I mean I know
we all know this but I love mulaney's
bent on back to the future even though
he's not the most on board with the
movie but anyway let's look through some
honorable mentions or I guess they could
be unfair garbage cans before we get to
our number one pick do you think it's
your favorite
let's see in terms of like instant
relief cancelling plans is like heroin I
don't look older I just look worse I
think honestly when I'm walking down the
street
no one's ever like Hey look at that man
I think they're just like whoa that tall
child looks terrible get some rest halt
child you can't keep burning the candle
at both ends
Mick Jagger talked like this he goes yes
No
yes I pitched him a joke and he went no
funny you know get away from my wife
no one talked to my wife marriage is
gonna be very magical I didn't kill my
wife that's a girl who's that fella I
bet he did kill his wife and when one
feels like a duck one is happy and then
marry yelled Oh
ducklings to which mr. Finch replied too
old to be a duckling quack quack and
then walked into his office before we
continue be sure to subscribe to our
Channel and ring the bell to get
notified about our latest videos you
have the option to be notified for
occasional videos or all of them if
you're on your phone make sure you go
into your settings and switch on
notifications number one the salt and
pepper diner so we put in $7 and
selected 21 plays of Tom Jones's what's
new pussycat
the simplest practical jokes are often
the best has demonstrated beautifully
when a young John and his friend walked
into a diner with a handful of coins and
reaped glorious energy the fourth time
it plays you're either thinking whoa
someone just played what's new pussycat
four times or at least someone played it
twice and it's a really long song the
two young boys queued up a seemingly
endless cycle of plays of the Tom Jones
classic what's new pussycat before
retreating to their booth to watch the
confusion and anger unfold on the faces
of fellow diners for the next hour then
I don't know if you know this but the
song begins very quietly it's a harmless
yet effective prank on its own but the
stroke of genius came with the decision
to insert a single play of it's not
unusual into the mix feeding the victims
with a false sense of hope that their
nightmare was over scientists have
wondered can you make grown men and
women weep tears of joy by playing Tom
Jones's it's not unusual
the answer is yes you can
provided that it is preceded by seven
what's new pussycat
my-my-my Mulaney why-why-why Mulaney do
you agree with our picks check out this
other recent clip from watch mojo and be
sure to subscribe and ring the bell to
be notified about our latest videos
you