Is my ex just pretending to be over me?
That's we're going to be talking about in this video.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life.
We help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to
play mind games, without having to play hard to get and without having to pretend to be
someone or something that you are not because you deserve to be loved with unique, amazing
and wonderful person that you are.
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So let's talk about this whole idea of your ex just pretending to be over you.
Now, you know, after a breakup, people for whatever reason seem to think that there's
this contest that emerges between them and their ex and that they need to make it seem
like they're over their ex sooner.
They need to be in a relationship first.
They need to look like their life is better.
They need to look like they're happier or something like that.
I think that this is all just a bunch of BS, but it is something that a lot of people seem
to do.
So your ex might be responding in this way.
Despite all of this how can you tell if your ex is just pretending to be over you?
So the first thing, your ex may have bounced back very quickly from the breakup with little
to no grieving time and this is very common, again, this whole competition mindset that
a lot of people have after a breakup.
If your ex didn't take time to process the emotional impact of the breakup, it shows
that they're just trying to ignore the feelings that they have for you and they're just pretending
not to care.
Now obviously your breakup had an emotional impact on you.
You don't need me to tell you that, but your breakup also had an emotional impact on your
ex as well too.
They went through this whole process of getting together with you thinking that this was going
to be a great relationship for them, being excited about it most likely to eventually,
for whatever reason, deciding to break up and this is an emotional journey that they
are going on as well too.
And to pretend that like it's not affecting them is completely disingenuous.
It's not authentic and it's just not true.
Right?
And one of the main ways that people try to hide this is by pretending to bounce back
quickly, pretending to move on fast.
I'm going into this whole competition mindset that a lot of people find themselves in after
a breakup.
So if your ex is doing some of that stuff, they're bouncing back very quickly in a matter
of maybe just a couple days or a week or two or something, then that's probably a good
sign that they are just pretending not to care, but really it's masking over some really
deep emotions that they're probably feeling for you.
The second sign that your ex is just pretending not to care is if they go out of their way
to see things cold or cruel toward you.
They don't have to, they could just move on, go their own way and go find their own slice
of happiness in this world.
But if they feel like they have to come back and stick the knife in there and twist it
or something like that, then that just shows that they are not emotionally over you.
They are not emotionally over you.
They're still hung up on you.
It doesn't matter if it's been years and years and years.
I see people all the time who have been broken up with their ex for years, decades even,
and they still hold on to such resentment, such bitterness towards their ex.
They're clearly not over this person even though it's been a very long time.
So don't think that just time by itself is going to make this happen.
But if your ex is intentionally going out of their way to hurt you, it could be partly
inspired by this whole competition mindset thing.
The lower they make you, the higher up they make themselves look.
But it could also be just due to them not being completely right with their whole emotional
experience regarding the breakup, them not being completely right and accepting of maybe
how they played a role in the breakup themselves as well.
The third sign that your ex is just pretending not to care is if they're engaging in emotional
numbing or destructive activities after the breakup.
Things like going out and drinking a lot or doing drugs or doing something else that might
be unhealthy or out of character in a bad way for them.
It's one thing if they're doing something out of character in a positive way, but it's
kind of a sign that they're dealing with their emotions in a really poor way if they are
doing something to numb their emotions and manage their emotions in a destructive sort
of way, like alcohol, drugs, something like that.
There's nothing wrong with having a drink once in a while, but if they're like going
out and drinking a lot every single day or something, that's letting you know that there's
something going on emotionally and they are not dealing with it very well.
Even though they might be putting out that image, they might be putting out that appearance
that everything is fine and wonderful, you know better, because you know that there's
something motivating that drinking, that destructive behavior that whatever it might be, it doesn't
necessarily have to be drugs or alcohol, it could be something else entirely.
Before we go on, I want let you know that we do have a video series on what your ex
is thinking, what's going on for them, their whole journey and experience through this
whole breakup.
You might want to check that out up there.
I'll put a link in the video card up there.
Feel free to go ahead and check that out if you're interested.
Let's move on.
The fourth sign that your ex is pretending not to care is that they somehow find a way
to keep themselves or insert themselves into your life.
Now of course, if you have some sort of practical reason for being in each other's lives after
a breakup, like maybe you have a kid together or maybe you work together or something like
that, that's an entirely different subject.
But if they have no reasonable reason for staying in your life after the breakup or
they somehow seem to keep winding up in the places that they know that you're going to
be or talking to your friends or if they somehow seem to keep messaging you for some reason
out of the blue, then it means that they probably are just still emotionally attached to you,
but maybe they're masking it through some sort of guise of just trying to play cool
or something like that.
So you want to keep an eye on that because they are staying in your life because they're
curious.
They're staying in their life for a reason.
They're not just doing it just because.
Practical reasons aside, they're doing it because they're getting something valuable
out of it.
They're doing something because they're enjoying it to some capacity.
So anything else is really just them pretending not to care when really they do.
We have to be honest, look at their motive, look at their emotional intentions.
They're being in contact with you because they're getting something out of it.
They are enjoying it.
That brings us to the fifth sign that your ex is just pretending not to care and that
is that they keep things around them that remind them of you, that remind them of times
the two of you had together to keep the two of you close in some way.
Whether that be personal little mementos or something from maybe trips that you took,
memories that you have together, shows or things that the two of you did together or
something like that, that could definitely be one side of it, but it can also be a little
bit more creative as well too.
Like for example, if they like to go to maybe a cafe or a restaurant that the two of you
used to go to often because it reminds them of you.
I was just talking to someone on the phone just earlier today, the day that I recorded
this, whose ex had a habit of going to the cafe that she and him used to go to and they
would, he would sit at the same table that they used to sit at and all that stuff and
that's a pretty clear sign that despite anything else that he might be broadcasting that he
still really cares about her.
Right?
Otherwise he wouldn't be going out of his way to go to this cafe to sit at the table
and to basically immerse himself in all of these memories of shared experiences that
they had.
This was a sign that he was pretending not to care when really he did care a whole lot.
These are some things to keep in mind.
These are some signs that your ex still does have feelings, but maybe they're just trying
to mask them, hide them, or conceal them from you.
Now your ex has a very complicated emotional world that's unfolding around them, so if
you want a little bit of help, a little bit of guidance, a little bit of support navigating
this world, please feel free to sign up for our email newsletter down in the description
box below this video or in the pinned comment.
I'll send you some tips, advice, and strategies to help you to connect with your ex and I
hope you enjoy them.
A lot of people have benefited from them greatly.
So if you're interested, please feel free to sign up down below.
Once again, thank you so much.
Once again, my name is Clay.
Please help me out by hitting the thumbs up button for this video and by subscribing to
this channel if you're new here.
But you want to learn more about what your ex is thinking, please feel free to check
out this video series over here on the topic or you might want to check out this video
over here, but thank you so much and I'll talk to you next time.
Please take care.