Strengths. Okay, I'm gonna say...
ability to adapt, communication skills, and resolving office inefficiencies. Good.
Weaknesses. Weaknesses. Uh... Sometimes too much of a perfectionist,
and, uh... what was it?
- I believe the phrase you’re looking for is “easily distracted.” - Someone's bored.
Here's my big question for you: Is this really what you want to do with your life?
Oh goodie.
I mean, let’s say you somehow fool them into thinking that you’re right for the job -
because you answer everything precisely, just like on your notecards,
and you stretch that “Burger King management” role a bit - or a lot -
once you actually get the job, is this really where you’re gonna want to be for, like, ever?
[slow clap] Nice. Really, really nice.
Thank you.
Okay, uh, didn't see that coming.
Well, I notice the distraction - and, uh, whatever this is - and all I gots to say is...
Can you BRING IT, Anxiety?! Cause Mama’s got an interview and she’s NOT gonna blow it!
[coin ding] From downtown! Woop woop!
“Anxiety, I want you to make this stronger. I want you to make my hands super-duper sweaty."
Okay, I have never said "super duper."
- Make me vomit right here, Anxiety! - No.
- Real big chunky vomit right here on this fancy carpet. - No!
And then I go back to what I was doing. Oh look, Sudoku.
I do love me some Sudoku.
I miss us. We used to do everything together. We’d stay home, be antisocial,
get the same take-out every time, not take on any new challenges...
We had a really unhealthy relationship.
I know. I liked that.
Okay. Stand up.
Come on, stand up.
Well, now, bend down a little bit. ... More. ... More. ... Hm, close enough.
- Do you know how long it took me to make these stupid things? - No.
Much longer than I care to say. And do you know whose stupid fault it was that I had to make them in the first place?
My stupid fault?
Yes. YOUR stupid fault. Because you said I’d get nervous in the room and I’d probably get verbal diarrhea - stay down there -
so I’d better write down some questions and answers, which is SUCH good advice, damn it.
You're welcome...?
The point is - occasionally, you are valuable. When you’re signaling something - something that I can act on -
you’re worth having around. That’s not the case most of the time. Most of the time you’re still like this
menacing black cloud hanging over me - constantly - but, once in a while, you don’t suck.
- Can I stand now? - Sure.
Sorry about all those unnecessary worries.
You’re just doing your job. I get it. But I have a way of handling it now, which is better. I’m actually like a functioning human being.
- Susan? - Yes? - Come on in whenever you're ready. - Okay, great.
- Do you have your resume? - Yes. - Do you want to check?
No, but I really want to feel unprepared right now, so thank you. [coin ding]
- Do you remember who’s interviewing you? - Angela.
No... It's a woman... I swear her name ends with a "la."
- Not Angela. Pamela. Pangela? - Not a name.
- Daniella. Vanilla. Gorilla! - Must be Gorilla. - Shoot. I know I have her email somewhere.
- Greg. - Wow. - It’s Greg. It's fine. It's Greg. - You were close.
- Hey. Thank you. - Sure.
- I don’t get a point? - Nope. - I hate this game.
Okay. Wish me luck.
Even though you’re super prepared and everything, in my gut, I still feel like you’re going to blow it.
Awesome. Bring it on.
[coin ding]