Hello there, this is Coach Ajit,
and in this video, we are talking about something
that could potentially change the course of your life.
One of the things that I've found in my life,
and in my client's life, is the more clarity we get
around things in our life, the easier it becomes for us
to actually take action towards it.
The more action we takes towards our dreams,
the more likely it becomes that those dreams will come true.
But most of the time, we have no idea
how we even operate as a human being,
and that is why in today's video,
I wanna work with you,
and potentially with your clients as well,
to truly identify what are the values
that govern everything that you do.
If you can find out what are your towards and away values,
you will be able to find out why is it
that you're not fully able to tap into your potential,
why is it that sometimes you don't get the results
that you want, and how and what you could do
potentially that will create
the outcomes you want in your life,
that will create the life that you want for yourself.
Now, this promise may seem like an extraordinary
large promise, but this is the foundation
of what has helped me build my life.
It is the foundation of how I have helped
many clients create their lives.
This is how I've helped many clients
start their businesses, grow their businesses.
I've helped clients really reimagine their lives
and be able to make decisions that seem so very difficult,
so while you may think, blah, blah, blah,
just another video that talks about how to find values,
if you'd stick with me for a few minutes,
I'd love to show you, firstly,
why is it it's so important for you to know your values,
what are "towards" and "away" values,
and how to really discover them within you,
and then how to use these values,
or use this system of knowing values,
use this clarity of knowing values,
to really recreate or create the life that you truly want.
So let's first discover why do we need to know our values,
and what is it that they really do for us.
You have to think about your values like a compass.
It is kind of like something that sets your direction.
If you know your values clearly,
you'll be able to set your direction clearly.
If you know that your value is love, for example,
you will be able to always ask yourself,
am I operating out of love right now?
If you believe that your value is unity,
you will usually ask yourself a question to the degree of,
does this unify the world or does it separate the world?
Having curiosity, having an interest in these questions
allows you to make progress in the direction
that is in congruence with you, so what are values?
Values are your compass,
values are your compass of knowing what is right for you,
what is wrong for you,
what is it that will give you excitement and energy
and what will take away excitement and energy,
which will put you into a negative emotional rollercoaster.
You need to be able to identify all of those values
to be able to truly shine as a person.
These values are also there to help us
identify our own expectations of ourselves.
When we clearly define our values,
our "for" values and "against" values,
which I'll explain in a second,
once we clearly define our "for" values
and "against" values, we are now able to clearly say,
oh, that's the direction I like to go,
and that's the direction that's taking away energy from me.
Finding my values became pivotal to the success
of the companies that I today have.
It also became the foundation
for me finally becoming a parent,
it became the foundation of having a loving relationship,
and it also became the foundation
of my current health journey.
You see, until I wasn't clear about what my values were,
I always responded to what happened around me.
Even if those values were inherent in me,
even if those values were part of my soul,
I would do things just to make somebody happy.
I would do things because everybody said
that's the right thing to do.
And because I was so incongruent with my values,
it was almost as if I was chasing the wrong dreams.
I was always chasing something that was the status quo.
I would never challenge what the reality
of people around me was.
I was only a reflection of the people that were around me,
instead of being my own self, knowing who I am,
why do I stand, what do I stand for,
what is it that I chase.
You see, early on in my career,
much early on in my career, I chased money.
I always wanted to have more money than I had yesterday.
And while, yes, that did push me into creating
some wealth in my life, it also made me miserable.
It made me somebody who would have
really snarky comments on people,
who needed to feel big by putting other people down,
and only when I truly did the exercise
that I'm gonna share with you in a second,
and found my true values,
I realized what is actually important to me,
what is it that I really want in my life on a daily basis.
These values, as you'll discover,
will give you a compass for your daily activity.
It is not something that you whip out once a year
and then forget about it.
No, this is the compass of your life.
This is how you will all create a life for yourself
that you will actually enjoy years from now.
Knowing these values also helps you create better products,
it also helps you create better services,
it also helps you build better relationships
with people around you,
so use these values to create a life of your dreams.
Now that I'm done advocating for values,
the let's see what is "for" and "against" values.
"For" values are simply values
that you'll wanna live by every day.
These are the values that you want to grow in more,
these are the values that give you power,
they give you fire,
they give you joy and excitement,
and when you're living these values, you just feel good.
This is your authentic self.
This is you going, this is the core of me.
This is who I am as a person.
These are "for" values,
and they're always positive in nature.
But then, we've also found that there are something
that I call "against" values.
"Against" values are things that when you see
those values being acted upon in the world,
it really discourages you,
it really frustrates you,
it gives rise to these emotions
that often may lead to suffering
because you ponder about them and it takes you days
and hours and years to really get past these emotions,
because you may be sitting in an environment
where the "against" values are being practiced
really wildly and really often.
And sometimes, you may find yourself practicing
these "against" values.
Remember, as human beings,
we are not just a function of who we are,
we are a function of people around us,
and sometimes, we get influenced,
and when we get influenced,
we sometimes do do things that we don't even want to do,
and that is why it's so important for us
to know what our "against" values are,
because that will be our compass
to identify what to go away from,
what are the things that you don't want in your life.
Now that you understand what is "for" values
and "against" values, let me give you how you can find
the "for" values for you first.
The two questions that will help you really discover
what are your "for" values,
values that you really truly love,
values that you wanna live by,
values that you wanna grow in.
These are the values that you will find
as something that is natural and obvious to you.
The first question is,
what is it that is vitally important to you?
What is it that is vitally important to you?
You see, there are certain things that you are just like,
the moment I said that question, you were like,
oh this is really important,
and this is really important,
but you will tend to keep writing.
You will maybe write 10 things or 20 things
or 30 things as a response to that question.
Oh, you know, health is vitally important to me,
well, sleep is vitally important to me,
eating good is really important to me,
going for a walk is really important to me,
which may suggest that health is important to you,
but we'll get to that in a minute,
but you could also say things like,
money's really important to me,
relationship is really important to me,
a love relationship is really important to me,
that particular friend is really important to me.
And you may end up with 10, 20, 30 different things
that are important to you.
Now, we'll do two exercises
as you have outlined all of these values.
Once you've written all of these values,
you say, okay, are there any values
that kind of say the same thing
without saying the same thing?
Like for example, if you had sleep, nutrition,
working out and walking, all four as your values,
you might say health and conditioning
maybe is my value, or fitness is my value,
and that becomes the one overarching value
that kind of suggests these four ideas.
Once you've done that,
you might go from 20 values to say 10, right.
Now you wanna value-rank these values.
The reason why we value-rank
is because not all values are created equal.
Some values are more important to you.
Some places that you operate from are more important to you.
And so you wanna identify which value,
if I was to evaluate between two values, really stands out.
Is fitness more important to me
than, say, a relationship with my friends, right,
and you will find one,
and whichever one is the one that is coming on top.
You wanna find three to five values
that you can easily remember,
that you can repeat again and again,
that you can put through a filter
on a daily decision deck for yourself.
Like for example, if fitness was a value
that you wanted to have have in your life on a daily basis,
when you're about to order a pizza,
when you're about to order a dessert,
you might throw that as a filter and say,
oh, okay, does that really contribute to my fitness today?
Did I do the work?
Will I do the work?
Is this okay?
Is this not okay?
Does that conflict with my value?
I'm not suggesting what the right answer is,
but at least that filter shows up,
and when that filter shows up,
it helps you make a better decision.
Remember, these values are compasses.
They're helping you navigate life
in a way that is more congruent to you,
and in return of that congruence,
that alignment with yourself,
you will create better results for yourself in your life.
You'll be able to make more difficult decisions
a lot more easily for yourself.
Now, once you identity these values,
you want to also ask a follow-up question.
This is the second question
that'll help you really identify which are your values,
or which other values that you want
at least to have for this year.
The second question is,
what are the values that you would love to grow in?
You see, sometimes, while we prioritize,
we forget about the things that we could grow in.
Just because they're not present to us right now,
like for example, let's say love relationship
was a value for you, you really valued it,
but you didn't have a partner right now, right.
You might deprioritize it.
You might say, you know what,
I don't know if this is my value,
just because I don't have a partner right now,
but values are a compass.
If you don't put it as a value set,
if you don't put it important,
guess what is going to happen?
Your attention, your intention's not gonna go towards this.
This compass is never gonna help you
find that love relationship,
and that is why you wanna also identify "towards" values,
or "for" values, that you wanna grow in.
Some of these values that you may have set
are the final three or five values
that you really wanna look at every single day, all day.
You might see some of them show up
as also the values that you wanna grow in,
or you may find one or two things
that were not showing up in your current value system
that you'll love to develop.
Our values are navigation system,
is always updating itself with the experiences
of life that we are getting.
As more we discover about ourselves,
the more our value system updates itself,
and so growing into things is perfectly okay.
For the matter, you want to have that,
you want to find values that you wanna put
a little extra time, a little extra dedication in,
and as you identify those, you will find them.
They are sometimes work-related,
sometimes relationship-related,
sometimes health-related.
You wanna add that to your value deck.
So at the end of it all,
you might end up with anywhere between three to seven values
that you feel are the values for you right now.
Now, the reason why I say these are the values
for you right now is like you will grow more in life.
This value system may update itself.
This value system may become more.
It may become different next year
and the year after and the year after.
But what happens or what tends to happen is,
2, 3, 4 years later as you have really invested
time and energy in developing this compass,
this navigation system, really well,
you'll find what is truly true at the core of who you are.
Everything that I do in my life is an expression of love,
is an expression of service,
and that is what I like to live my life with.
But next to values is freedom and help.
I would never do something
if it take away from my freedom, freedom of choice,
freedom of saying what I think is right.
I would also not negotiate my health,
so love, service, freedom, and health,
these four values are my most definitive values.
These are the values that help me decide
what I'm going to do and what I'm not going to do.
And that brings me to "against" values.
"Against" values are values that you want to identify
because they might be your weak spot.
These might be the values that the moment
it shows up in the world, it kind of breaks your heart.
It makes you all emotional, it makes you feel
like the world's not going in the right place.
When you practice those values, it might break your heart.
It might make you feel so uncomfortable.
It might make you feel like I need to do something about it,
and that is important to know
because if you don't know your "against" values,
you will not find out what throws you off your journey,
what really bothers you,
and what is it that you really need to work on.
You need to work on also as a person of mission,
as a person or purpose, because those "against" things
might be the things that you wanna actually put
some work and effort towards,
so they can get better for the world,
if they are in context of the world,
or get better for you so you can really work
with people around you to make it better for the world.
However you may take action towards it,
the important thing is to know what triggers these emotions,
what triggers these feelings,
that may not be helpful in your overall journey,
and it is also a good navigation compass
because now you know what you may need to work on,
even if it's not a direct contribution of your work,
but an indirect contribution of your work,
so these "against" values give you the compass
of when it's going in the wrong direction,
and that you'll like to course correct.
Let me give you an example.
For me, "against" value is anything that is a waste,
like when we, like the most recent example
that I can think of is Christmas presents.
Christmas presents really bother me,
and if you have been to the Nawalkha household,
and if you see us on Christmas,
you will find that I am really bothered, right,
when I see all the Christmas presents
come under the Christmas tree.
And the reason it has nothing to do with anything else
is because all the wrapping paper that is on the gifts,
the gifts that are sometimes plastic toys,
very often plastic toys, because now I have two kids,
and I can't really find a way for me to work
with the grandparents to get better at doing gifts,
and that's just my stuff, right, that's my "against" value,
and I know that's happening and I know that's bothering me,
and my family knows it bothers me,
but they're doing their "for" values
and I am doing my "against" values,
and we both have to do our work.
I have to show how to more consciously choose better gifts,
that it's not about the quantity,
but it's about the quality of what they get,
and what is really that is important to kids,
it's not the number of toys,
but the quality of time that we spend with them.
You can clearly see my values being projected here,
and you can clearly see how bothered
I am about that one small thing
that should not bother most parents,
but it really bothers me.
With that being said,
that's why "against" values are so important,
that's why it's so important for you
to know what your "against" values are,
and the simple question that will help you find out
what are your "against" values is,
what bothers you about the world?
What bothers you about people around you?
Usually, you would straight away know
five or 10 things, again, that bother you the most.
Now, we are not gonna value-rank what bothers us.
We are not gonna say which one's more important,
which one's less important,
because all of them are important to us,
and all of them will bother us irrespective.
What we do want to do is we wanna know
these are our "against" values,
and because once you know what are your "against" values,
now you can work, which is the second question in this area,
is, how would you like to grow
to manage these "against" values?
Manage not only in the sense of manage your emotion,
but how can you change the circumstances.
Say, for example, one of another "against" value
that I have is when I see a bias, any kind of bias,
racial bias, sexual orientation bias, male/female bias,
age bias, any bias that one I might see,
I feel strongly against it,
and I consciously make an effort
to not have that bias myself.
I'm not saying I'm perfect human being,
but I try my best effort.
I make my best effort to not falter
and not do something that may be biased
because of something that's conscious or unconscious
in my mind and I give equal opportunity,
equal opportunity to every person that I possibly can.
So, for example, that might be an "against" value
that I have, you might share the same "against" value
with me, you might say,
yeah, that's what is a problem with the world,
and now we can say, okay, what can I do to support this?
Well, first thing that I do is,
I create a diverse environment.
I'm creating a diverse platform.
I try to bring in as many types and cultures
and sexual orientations and so forth people
in my team slowly in my author setup,
and as diverse authors, as diverse speakers,
as diverse clients as possible,
and that is why we are a very diverse platform.
We are not, while we are a US-based company,
we are present globally,
and equal amount of students come from across the globe
to this platform than from the United States,
and that is because I inherently am against bias,
so I'm creating a unified platform.
So you see how this works,
"against" values help you determine
what could be your work potentially,
or how your work might show up,
and that actually is really powerful
and really congruent with who you are.
It can define your compass really, really well.
So with that, what my invitation for you is,
when you are done with this video,
go ahead take some time to really identify
your "for" and "against" values.
The reason why you wanna find
your "for" and "against" values
is because it'll give you the perfect compass
for you to know if something is true to you
as a human being, is true to what you wanna create
in the world, and if it is not,
it will help you and guide you
to do more things that are more in congruence with you,
and the more congruent you are,
the more you are doing things
that truly give you a sense of joy,
that you're doing in the direction
that what you really, really believe,
that you are creating things
that you really really believe in,
the easier it will be for you to create a life
that you truly love, to be able to create a scenario
in the world that you truly love.
As far as I know, this is the one life we get,
and so there is no real reason for us to not live this life
in the most congruent way to ourselves.
Thank you so much for tuning in today.
This is Coach Ajit,
and you're watching this on Evercoach.