Did you know that sex is one of the ways that narcissists use to gaslight and manipulate
their targets?
By the end of this video and the two parts that come after this one, you're going to
know all about how narcissists sneakily, stealthily, and insidiously use sex as one of their tools
to control.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands of
people go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility,
and purpose.
And I do the same thing right here for you in these videos, so make sure that you're
subscribed.
You hit that notification bell, and then you'll know when I upload new content.
Sex and narcissists.
This is one of the lesser discussed, less talked about, less information is available
on how narcissists actually use sex to control their victims, but it is absolutely happening,
and it's something that we should be discussing more.
In fact, sex is one of the most common ways that narcissists use to gaslight their victims.
It's highly personal.
It's very insidious, extremely toxic.
Yet, nobody knows what's happening because it's happening behind closed doors, so it's
one of those areas that no one's going to see, which makes it a perfect way for narcissists
to abuse their victims.
It's highly personal.
It's extremely embarrassing for people, so people just end up not talking about it, or
maybe they just actually think that there's something wrong with them because that's what
the narcissist wants you to believe.
If you think that this is a really crappy way for narcissists to control their targets,
give me a, "They suck!" in the comments.
Narcissists use many different ways to psychologically abuse their targets.
If you want to know more about the different types of tactics that narcissists employ for
control, check out my video on narcissist manipulation tactics, because sex is such
an important part of who we are as human beings, and especially with your romantic partner,
you want to feel attractive.
You want to feel like your romantic partner desires you.
And so, of course, because that's something that you want, it's a perfect place for the
narcissist to make sure that they control you and coerce you in this area.
So the people who are in a relationship with narcissists end up feeling used, abused, discarded.
You end up feeling less desirable or maybe not desirable at all.
What happens in the bedroom when you're in a relationship with a narcissist is that your
needs are completely irrelevant, just the same as they are anywhere else.
They set you up so that you feel like there's something wrong with you, and you end up feeling
ashamed, and it affects your confidence, and it affects your self worth.
And it's something that ends up being so private and so personal that you end up feeling very,
very isolated, because it's embarrassing.
You don't want to have to admit to your friends or your family or even to a therapist that
maybe your spouse doesn't want you, doesn't desire you, or that maybe you no longer desire
that person because of the way they've made you feel, because of the way they've made
your needs completely irrelevant.
When you're in a sexual relationship with a narcissist, they communicate to you the
message that your pleasure isn't important, that only their pleasure matters.
And they subtly let you know that if you want pleasure, or if you want anything out of the
romantic relationship, that you're being greedy, or maybe that there's something wrong with
you for wanting that.
But the bottom line is, what's really going on is that narcissists use it as a form of
supply.
Because remember, narcissists have no inner sense of value.
They have to derive all of their value from the external, and that external value that
they're sucking from all the people around them, we call narcissistic supply.
It's their oxygen.
It's what they feed on.
It's their food because they're constantly trying to feed this beast and layer on this
external value to slap onto the fact that they have no inner sense of internal value.
And they have no ability to care for another person.
So if they have no ability to have empathy or care for another person, it does not make
them good sexual partners because they certainly don't care about your needs, your desires,
your wants.
So narcissists use sex as a form of narcissistic supply.
Remember, the supply can come in the form of big house, big car, the best schools, the
right friends, the prestigious job.
But narcissistic supply can also come in the form of control, gaslighting, devaluing, debasing,
cutting people down, minimalizing them, marginalizing them, and making them think that they're crazy.
So here you are in a situation where it's the most vulnerable, when you have a sexual
relationship with somebody, it's a very, very vulnerable thing.
It's a very vulnerable position to be putting yourself into.
And so whenever you expose vulnerability to a narcissist, that becomes an excellent place
for them to go after because anytime you show weakness or show something that you want to
a narcissist, that becomes an immediate place for them to target.
They're always looking for weaknesses, always looking, trolling, trolling, trolling, looking
for ways to control people.
And they can control people in areas where they are feeling vulnerable or exposing themselves
or exposing there's anything that you want to a narcissist, that becomes a place where
they can maybe get that from you.
And so when you're negotiating with the narcissist, it's the same thing.
You'd never let on exactly what it is that you want, and you try to steer them away from
that because you know that that's the one thing that they're going to go after.
But in a sexual relationship, you can't really play those games as much.
I mean, obviously you're in a sexual relationship, so you want to feel desirable.
You want to feel like your partner wants to give you pleasure and vice versa.
That's the whole basis of a sexual relationship.
But when you're in partnership with a narcissist, you're never going to get that just the same
as any of the relationship with the narcissist.
The sexual part is actually just one component.
It's one more area for them to gaslight.
It's one more area for them to control, one more area for them to make you feel less,
for them to devalue you.
But it becomes very, very personal.
It hurts way down into your soul because you don't feel desired by the one person you want
to feel desired by.
It actually manifests itself in a number of different ways, which we're going to cover
in parts two and three of this series.
This is such an important topic that I decided to do it in three parts, and today was just
the first part where we're just kind of giving you the basis of what's really going on in
a sexual relationship with a narcissist.
And if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, make sure to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet.
There will be a link below this video, or you can just go to WinMyNegotiation.com and
grab it yourself.
And if you are dealing with a narcissist and you want to connect with other people who
are also dealing with narcissists to get additional support, please feel free to join my free
private Facebook group.
It's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, And I'll drop a link to that below,
as well.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment.
Let me know that you were here.
I'm so glad that you were here.
And if you haven't already subscribed to my channel, now is a perfect time to do that.
Hit subscribe.
Hit the notification bell.
I have way more new content coming for you, and you definitely won't want to miss it,
so you have to subscribe in order to make sure that you get notified when I do upload
new content.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad that you were here, and remember that today's a great day to start negotiating
your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.