Oh, dude, you got to hit that shit.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Here we go.
[gagging, coughing]
What?
[coughing]
(Brian) Are you kidding?
[coughing] Wait.
You way too big for that widdle biddle-ass hit, dawg.
Come on.
Pass it, man.
I know, look, I just--
The thing about me is,
I like to get high incrementally,
because I had a bad experience once,
so I like to take little hits and see where that leaves me.
That way, I know how much more I can smoke
before I get scared and stuff.
What?
You need to stop being a little bitch
and hit that shit.
Hit that shit.
(both) Hit that shit.
Hit that shit.
I'm going--
(both) Hit that shit.
- What? - All right, all right.
Guys, guys.
[Jamaican accent] Jah praise now.
Control this Rasta.
High-style herb, good for the soul!
Bob from Babylon!
♪ Babylon shel-fah
[laughs]
Ohh.
[knocking]
[door opens]
Trevor, put your shoes on!
We have to get to Midnight Mass!
[pipe organ music]
♪
[hip-hop beat]
♪ I'm high in church
♪ O Lord, forgive me
♪ This is the worst
♪ I'm high in church
♪ O God, please help me
♪ This is the worst
♪ Went home for Christmas
♪ and Brian came over, I was nervous ♪
♪ 'cause he brought a bag of shrooms and pot ♪
♪ and I'm new to this, I'm just learning ♪
♪ Got a little too high on accident ♪
♪ Yeah, that's right, not on purpose ♪
♪ Then Mom busted in my room
♪ and said we had to go to midnight service ♪
♪ Now we're in the minivan
♪ and my friends don't understand ♪
♪ I'm freaking out here, man
♪ trying to remember who I am ♪
♪ My mom is talking to me
♪ and that's just making it worse ♪
♪ We walk into the lobby
♪ Oh, shit, I'm high in church
♪ I'm high in church
♪ O God, please help me
♪ This is the worst
♪ I'm high in church
♪ I'm high as hell
♪ This is the worst
♪ Fit to go grab a pew ♪
♪ I'm freaking out, don't know what to do ♪
♪ There's an old war vet snoring next to me ♪
♪ and I think he's been here since World War II ♪
♪ I'm peaking here, I'm wiggin' out ♪
♪ They know I'm stoned, there is no doubt ♪
♪ Brian is reading a Bible and laughing ♪
♪ I plead for him to cut it out ♪
♪ But he's giggling loud, he starts to cry ♪
♪ He's turning red, I don't know why ♪
♪ He's like a goddamn neon billboard ♪
♪ saying, "Hey y'all, we're super high" ♪
♪ I ask him what his problem is ♪
♪ and what's making him laugh
♪ He points to a verse that says ♪
♪ the Lord opened up the mouth of an ass ♪
♪ Oh, my god, that's super gross ♪
♪ Why the hell is that in there? ♪
♪ My mom shushes both of us
♪ and people turn around and stare ♪
♪ I take the book from Brian
♪ The choir begins to sing
♪ It dawns on me that I've never actually read this thing ♪
♪ I open up the pages
♪ and then start flipping through ♪
♪ I find it calms me down
♪ and gives my mind something to do ♪
♪ It says some beautiful things ♪
♪ about forgiveness and love
♪ Till I get to the end when God comes back ♪
♪ wilds out and straight-up fucks Earth up ♪
♪ Holy shit, did you know this? ♪
♪ Read this last part, what the fuck? ♪
♪ Spoiler alert, God comes back with dragons ♪
♪ and murders everyone
♪ What happened to
♪ the lovey-dovey stuff from the other verse? ♪
♪ Oh, shit, man, I can't handle this right now ♪
♪ I'm high in church
♪ O God, please help me
♪ This is the worst
♪ I'm high in church
♪ I'm high as hell
♪ This is the worst
♪ Need to get where no one can see ♪
♪ so excuse myself to take a pee ♪
♪ But in the bathroom my old youth pastor ♪
♪ comes up and stands next to me ♪
♪ Oh, great, he's probably gonna start yapping ♪
♪ about how my soul is eternal ♪
♪ But instead he just asks why
♪ my pants are down at the urinal ♪
♪ Oops, um, sorry about that
♪ Nice to see you, got to go ♪
♪ Oh, my god, I'm high as balls ♪
♪ and there's no way he doesn't know ♪
♪ Shit, this is getting out of hand ♪
♪ I'm getting higher, need to make a plan ♪
♪ Maybe tell Mom I'm sick and try to get the keys ♪
♪ to sleep this off in the van
♪ I scoot back to my seat and notice ♪
♪ everyone has stopped singing
♪ The pastor asks if there is anyone here who is visiting ♪
♪ Mom gets excited, raises her hand ♪
♪ I tell her no, but she makes me stand ♪
♪ Pastor asks if I'm just here for Christmas ♪
♪ and I say I am
♪ The congregation turns around ♪
♪ The pastor asks me how I've been ♪
♪ And that's about when the goddamn shrooms ♪
♪ decided it was time to kick the fuck on in ♪
[demonic laughter]
♪ Trevor you've really done it now ♪
♪ Holy shit, what's going on?
♪ What is that voice? I'm freaking out ♪
♪ This is Satan
♪ And you've summoned me to seal your doom ♪
♪ Whoa, hold up, wait a minute ♪
♪ I don't even think I believe in you ♪
♪ I exist within subconsciousness ♪
♪ down in your mind
♪ But you did drugs and went to church ♪
♪ so now your soul is mine
♪ For all eternity
♪ you will never escape my clutch ♪
♪ Okay, uh, first of all
♪ I think that seems like a little much ♪
♪ A joint and a couple caps and stems ♪
♪ Is that all that a soul is worth? ♪
♪ And God made everything I've done tonight ♪
♪ All of it's from the earth
♪ The mushrooms and the pot, yo, He made it all ♪
♪ The nitrous and the Adderall
♪ Muscle relaxers, maybe a little coke ♪
♪ But if that damns me for eternity ♪
♪ then if you ask me, the system's broke ♪
♪ Then Satan disappeared
♪ and shrieked a shrieking sound ♪
♪ I sent him back to Hell
♪ because I fucking stood my ground ♪
♪ The church stares at me
♪ Their eyes are open wide
♪ And the pastor asks if I'd stop shouting ♪
♪ and please go outside
Uh, sure.
Sorry, it's just that...
♪ I'm high in church
♪ Whatever, man
♪ I guess it could be worse
♪ I'm high in church
♪ That's what I am
♪ Sorry, Mom, I guess I'll be outside in the van ♪
Whatever, man.
I'm gonna be out listening to the radio.
Wake me up when you guys are done.
[cheers and applause]
Yeah!