Hello lovely people and welcome to another Pride Month video-
- yes, I know it isn’t technically ‘Pride Month’ anymore but I started late because
I was in hospital so you’re getting some video spillover in July...
And, just to be clear, for me ‘Pride Month’ is every month anyway!
- Because I’m gay every day!
In this video we’re going to be talking about: gender and sexuality identity labels:
gay, trans, pansexual, genderfluid, asexual, queer, there are so many I’m not going to
list them all here.
How they intersect with other identity labels: disabled, black, autistic, Eastern European,
extrovert, Hindu, blind, ‘weirdly gifted at opening sticky jam jars’.
- Probably not that last one... although it is one of the things I find most attractive
about my wife!
And then asking the big questions: why do we need labels? Do they matter? Are they pushing
us apart or bringing us together?
For this video I wanted to do something a little different and involve you, my lovely
audience, so asked that you send in video clips of yourself or written pieces that I
could read out.
Side note, yes, that does mean sometimes this incredibly White-British voice will be reading
out personal thoughts on the lived experience of someone who is very much not a dollop of
mildly scandinavian mayonnaise. However, it’s important to have a voiceover for all text
so that our blind and visually impaired friends can join in the conversation as well.
There are a range of opinions here and I’m sure you have your own so leave your thoughts
in the comments below but please do remember that this is a respectful and polite space.
If you don’t agree with someone, you can express that without being rude and remember
that someone else’s existence and the words they choose to identify with do not negate
your own. You do not need to agree with someone to champion their right to a safe and humane
life.
Thank you so much to everyone who submitted clips and written pieces for this video.
A special thank you to the members of the Kellgren-Fozard Club, who helped make this
video possible. If you too would like to support this channel whilst gaining access to behind-the-scenes
content, downloadable goodies and my adorable face after your name, along with other perks
then click the ‘join’ button next to the ‘subscribe’ button- which you’ve already
clicked, right?
Also, Sarah and Tom, you’re the cutest couple:
Hello lovely people, we are repping the merch because we love it. If you got it,flaunt it!
We are here to talk about labels and answer some questions that Jessica has asked.
But before we begin talking about whether or not labels are important… what ARE they?
Throughout our lives, we’re given a number of labels: ‘the good one’, ‘the middle
child’, ‘the arty one’, ‘the offensive snorer’. Those labels are intended to reflect
our personalities and define our identity both for our community and ourselves. However,
an ‘identity definer’ and a ‘label’ aren’t necessarily the same thing.
An ‘identity definer’ concerns who or what a person is as a quality that makes them
different from others.
- It’s not a scientology thing though, even though apparently it also is, I’m not a
scientologist, please don’t come for me, I’m a little scared of you.
So examples of identity definers would be: what race are you? What is your sexuality?
How would you define your socioeconomic status? Do you have a disability or illness? What
is your gender identity? How old are you? Do you follow a religion?
All those things people argue about on Twitter really.
Some people say that labelling ourselves in as many ways as possible, interrogating who
we are inside in a number of different intersites is incredibly important and the more the merrier.
Others say that labelling ourselves and our communities is divisive and pulling us apart.
- That’s the ‘all lives matter’ crew.
They think that the best way to make society equal and bring us all forwards is to ignore
the differences between us and in time everything will balance out. Or they feel that we are
all so unique that we’re just who we are, why do we need to define ourselves?
And many people occupy the space inbetween: we talk about the areas where we’re different
from the majority but don’t necessarily look at the area where we’re not the minority.
Most labels aren’t innately positive or negative and neither is the use of them: they
can set useful expectations, and provide meaningful goals in our lives.
I would label myself as disabled, chronically ill, lesbian, extrovert, deaf, Quaker, British,
white, vintage lover. Probably some more.
Some people may look at the label ‘disabled’ and consider it a negative:
“Why are you labelling yourself with something bad like that? You’re so much better than
the worst thing about you.”
Cheers(!)
For me, ‘disabled’ is a positive word to attribute to myself because it helps me
access the help I need to live my life but wasn’t able to before I was classified officially
as disabled, AND it helps others set their expectations. If I’m going to be on a panel
somewhere (I do a lot of public speaking and it isn’t all strictly disability related)
the organiser looks at their sheet, sees ‘is a deaf and disabled YouTuber’ next to my
name, and knows to ask what I need. I beat myself up as a teenager because I wasn’t
as independent as my age implied and then I was told ‘that’s because you’re disabled’
and I suddenly had new limits- in a good way! I didn’t have to knock myself out trying
to reach the goal at the other end of the field, I could be very happy playing on this
side.
Other identity definers, like those related to race, are impossible to ignore.
- I know it can be confusing knowing the right thing to say but: “there are no ‘races’,
there is just ‘the human race’.” isn’t actually anti-racist. You’re not being decent
to someone by denying that their lived experience is different to yours. It’s almost gaslighting.
It’s similar to when I tell someone ‘I’m deaf’ and they say ‘oh, everyone has difficulty
hearing sometimes.’ By denying that there is a difference, you’re denying that allowances
can and should be made.
Lauren wrote in to say: “I am a cis gendered, black woman that is bisexual… my race is
important because it's one of the first things you see and being a woman is equally important,
and both labels have an impact on how I interact with my environment and with individuals.”
But what about the identifiers no one else can see? Our gender and sexuality for instance?
How could labels be important there?
Whilst it’s undoubtedly freeing to define yourself outside of language’s restrictions-
words can sometimes feel ‘not quite right’ after all- there are also many positives to
finding a label that just… fits.
[CARD: NOT KNOWING WHO YOU ARE IS SCARY]
Hi my name is Zachariah and im atuistic, queer, agender person. he/him pronouns. These labels
are important to me because they give me the confidence to be myself.
Often with gender and sexuality, when we’re much younger, we just experience it as a feeling,
one we can’t explain and don’t understand. It’s just… something… it just sits…
there… and you don’t know how to define it.
And that can be a little scary. You can feel a little unsure: “I’m different but I
don’t know why.”
And then one day you hear or read the word and it all clicks into place: “that’s
it! That’s me! I’m a lesbian!”
Or similar.
We’re human beings, we don’t love ambiguity:
Hi, My name is Eliza, I am a 23 year old disabled content creator from London. I identify with
the labels: Non binary, Bisexual, Disabled, Queer, Agnostic and white British. For me
my labels are important, but some of them took a long time for me to identify with,
particularly the disabled label and the non binary label but now that I have, it helps
me to understand why I feel the way that I feel and why I love who I love. It has helped
me to meet other people who have lived similar experiences to me.
And another of our submitters, Edmund, agrees:
I am an asexual, aromantic (Specifcially cupiosexual and cupioromantic though I mostly use the
umbrella terms), polyamorous trans man… These labels are pretty important to me because
when I first came out at fourteen as something different nothing really made sense and I’ve
spent the last decade really starting to understand myself, what I want from dating and sex and
being able to express that so that I can be in a healthy place mentally and with partners.
[CARD: THE POSITIVES OF LABELLING] [CARD: AFFIRMING WHO YOU ARE]
Labels can affirm who you are not only to yourself but also to the world around you.
This is especially true if your identity isn’t immediately clear from the outside. Maybe
you have a hidden disability or you’re mixed race but you read as white or you’re bisexual
but married to someone of the opposite sex as Ashley explains:
Hi name is Ashley and some of the labels i use to identify myself are cis genre female,
bi, pan mix raced and I also identy f as a spoony or someone who is chornically ill or
disabled. a lot of the ways I identify (mixed race,
bi/pan, chronically ill) are ones that other people wouldn’t necessarily view me as in
society, and so that helps validate who I am to use those labels internally.
Relatedly, I think for me using labels helps me to check and recognize my privilege, both
for when I am part of the privileged majority (like identifying as a cisgender female) but
also for when my labels are not really “seen” so I am assumed to be part of (and treated
like) the privileged majorty. For me, it’s important to interrogate what
it means to identify as part of a minority group while being read as part of a majority
and to reflect on how I can use that privilege to help dismantle discriminatory systems.
Natacha thinks that it’s important to be open about labels when you’re part of a
minority:
“Because until told/shown otherwise, most people still assume eveyone is cisgender and
heterosexual. Because visibility and representation matter. Because seeing a lot more representation
of diverse LGBTQIA+ people a lot earlier would have probably made things a lot easier when
I started coming out to myself in my late teens... And to represent something you have
to name it, of course!”
My name is Sarah and the one label I take and identify with is Bisexual. Because that's
the one that I had to claim myself. I’m also a white woman and cis. ….
The label is important to me because being able to name yourself is very important. There
are labels I think that we dont worry about too much because they are so standard and
are expected. As a cis woman I haven’t had to own that and I’m very lucky in that aspect.
But bisexual is something ive had to explore. Whilst I haven't had to explore others, I
recognise my privilege in that.
And the way we identify ourselves to others is obviously crucial when pronouns are involved
as Alex writes:
“My labels are only important in the sense they shape how the world interacts with me.
I identify as transmasculine because I'm most comfortable with he/him pronouns.”
Of course, our identity is still our own and not just for public consumption, as one anonymous
subscriber wrote:
“I do not extensively label myself so that others know I am a femme,
sex positive, gender-expansive, blah blah blah, who is in a monogamous
relationship. But for my mental well-being, it really helps to have these identity
definers to relate to so I can be at peace with myself.”
[CARD: ACCESS TO COMMUNITY] Many respondents wrote that they believe the
more we are encouraged and able to understand ourselves the better as that leads to accessing
like minded communities.
I think using labels has helped me to find community. Finding, for example, the LGBTQ+
and Chronically Ill/Disabled community online has been incredibly affirming for me, and
I’ve also found a lot of support and resources through these communities as well.
Elizabeth writes that she identifies as:
“white, female, bisexual, biromantic, demi-sexual, chronically ill and disabled… Personally,
my experience of embracing labels around my sexuality and health status has been liberating
and helped me to feel less alone.”
Many feel that it’s difficult to develop in any meaningful sense unless we have a grasp
on what we are at our core. Connecting with your identity means you’ll find others like
yourself and not feel like the odd one out (in a species of 8 billion people!)
Identifiers are important because it makes it easier to find people like you and more
likely to connect with, they can give you a sense of security within you.
Hi. I'm Evilsnotbag, aka Fry. I'm a 34 year old disabled, cis gendered, probably? allosexual
female lesbian. And obviously also a furry. Why am I wearing a fursuit right now? To ilustrate
a point. Labels are important. They help us find ourselves! And people who share our sexuality,
gender, gender expression, medical diagnosis or hobbies.
[CARD: WE ARE UNIQUE] No one fits just one label because no one
is just one thing, we are all a patchwork of different identities and they don’t all
have to intersect or fit perfectly together. Having a variety of labels allow us to show
how multifaceted we are.
I happen to like labels. my name is Daniella and I am almost 50 years old. I identify as
a gay female or lesbian but i also identify as a Brodway nerd or entertainment geek or
even a “gooberhead” for cons and meeting people. I'm also a Disney addict. You know.
These things are labels that identify me and I'm ok with that, there are many labels that
make me who I am and I like it.
[CARD: LABELS SAVE TIME] Imagine if there were no labels at all- what
a faff! It would certainly be difficult finding anyone on a dating site!
“I like.. People… who have… not broad shoulders…
unless they do… because that can be really sexy… but not
superhero shoulders… unless it’s a certain type of superhero…
With hair… that’s short… or long… oh for goodness sake!: CAPTAIN MARVEL!
I just want to date Captain Marvel!”
Honestly, the label that has made my life 100% easier when I use it is ‘wife’. It
really cuts down on the panicked eye thing that people do when we go to a doctor’s
appointment or check in to a hotel together.
“Are they sisters? Are they in a relationship? Is that her carer? Are they going to be deeply
offended if I ask?” “This is my wife” “Oh thank god!”
Equally; pronouns. Share them. “Hi, I’m Jessica, my pronouns are she/her” “Hi,
I’m Alex, my pronouns are they/them” “Hi Alex, thanks for letting me know.”
Or maybe I want to watch a film in which two women fall in love, it’s much easier to
find if I type ‘lesbian’ into netflix or search ‘best lesbian movies’ on Google.
Maybe I want to watch a tv show with a non-binary character? I can Google that.
- side note, it would be really great if the LGBTQ+ category of films wasn’t just 90%
gay white men, Hollywood, can you maybe work on some diversity?
[CARD: LABELS CAN EVOLVE] Many people’s labels change over time, but
that doesn’t mean that the previous label was wrong, just that it applied then but doesn’t
now. Equally, we can reclaim words like ‘queer’ and use it as an umbrella term if needed to
show that we are somewhere on these spectrums of gender and sexuality, we’re just not
quite sure where right now.
Hi my name is Jasmin. I’m a white atheist nursing student. I identify as a bisexual
woman and these labels are important to me because i want to understand myself. I thought
that I was demisexual for a long time because that was because of my depression. I didnt
have a sex drive but that was just because of the sickness, i got sick when i was a teenager
so i just assumed that was who i am but now that i have gotten better i understand that….
Not to say that demisexual aren't normal but it wasn't normal for me and last week I got
diagnosed with autism so pretty sure a lot of my strengths have been masking instead
of my libido.”
Steve wrote that he:
“Started out as bi as very few and short "relationships" as a teen I had with girls,
but I had always found men attractive, and had doubled in secondary school. ….. So
now, having a boyfriend, I can clearly see myself as a gay man.”
Overall I think that labels are important, but it is important to remember they do change
and adapt depending on what's going on in your life at the time, and that you can identify
with one label for a certain amount of years, and it can change and adapt as you grow to
understand yourself. So I also feel it is important to use them lightly, but to remember
that you can meet amazing people that are part of communities that are similar to you.
So I think that overall they are important.
Thus we conclude part one of ‘are labels important?’ Part two, looking at how labels
can be detrimental, will be out next Tuesday (or if you’re watching this video after
the 7th of July 2020, you can find it linked in the description below.
Thank you so much for watching, subscribe if you haven’t already and I’ll see you
soon.
[kiss]