How are you?
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm wonderful.
We know each other.
We've met a couple of times.
And yet, you've never been on the show.
So thank you for being here.
It's weird.
We've met a couple times.
And I always am nervous when I see you,
because I'm a super fan.
Thank you.
This is embarrassing.
[LAUGHTER]
It has always been my dream to be on your show.
And your producer said I should tell this story.
And I'm already regretting it.
[LAUGHTER]
When I first moved to Los Angeles 15 years ago,
I took an acting class.
They made us watch The Secret.
I don't know if you remember that.
It's like, you manifest the things you want in your life.
Of course.
Rhonda Byrne.
That's right.
Yes.
I made a vision board.
Mm-hm.
It was a house, a horse, and Ellen.
[LAUGHTER]
I don't know what I wanted from you, exactly.
Was it my name or a picture of me?
No, it was you on--
A picture of me.
A picture of you on a red carpet that I cut out of the magazine.
Uh-huh.
You were with your wife in the photo.
I cut her out of it.
Uh-huh.
[LAUGHTER]
I mean, one of your arms is-- it's
clear you had your arm around someone.
Dare I say, I did it with a little bit of vengeance.
Uh-huh.
So did you get the house and horse?
I have the house and the horse, and here I am, looking at you.
Oh man, that's-- see?
It works.
I don't know.
It all came together.
But that is pretty humiliating.
No, it's not.
I am such a big fan.
Your Johnny Carson changed my life.
Oh, that's my horse!
That's so cool.
That's a great-looking horse.
Yes, he's pretty awesome.
Portia just got a horse-- rescued a horse that looks just
like that.
And he was going to be euthanized.
I bought him for $1.
Man.
Good for you.
Yeah, $1.
Good for you.
Yeah.
I rescue dogs and horses--
another thing I admire so much about you.
Yeah.
And your Johnny Carson changed my life.
And I still watch your sitcom.
Oh, wow.
Thank you so much.
You inspired me to do what I do.
So blame her for this.
Oh, that's--
It's her fault that I do this.
I am thrilled to take responsibility for what you--
you've accomplished quite a lot.
So congratulations.
Thank you.
And I can't believe-- so this is your first book.
This is my first book.
I never thought I had anything to say.
I didn't want to write a book.
I was so crazy.
I was like, I shouldn't be writing books.
I should be reading books.
And something happened to me, I don't know, maybe five
years ago, in my late 20s, where I realized that I'm crazy,
and that being crazy is not cute in your 30s.
I had this premonition.
You can kind of get away with it in your 20s, but in your 30s,
no one's interested.
Like, if you're crying in public in your 20s,
people try to help you.
In your 30s, they just keep walking.
[LAUGHTER]
So very quickly, I was like, I need to get it together.
This isn't a good look.
And I was diagnosed with something
called clinically codependent, which
is when you're sort of in terrible relationships
and can't get out.
It manifested for me as, I just couldn't see red flags.
Like, my brain had this ability to turn negatives
into a positive as soon as I would meet someone.
So I'd meet someone.
I'd be like, oh, he's married--
not afraid of commitment.
[LAUGHTER]
This is going to go well for me.
I'd be like, he can't drive because he
has four DUIs, rides a bike--
he's so eco-friendly, saving the environment one DUI at a time.
Like, I just was constantly in bad relationships.
So yeah, it was a really unhealthy thing.
And I couldn't see red flags and I struggled with everything
from addiction, to eating disorders, to body dysmorphia.
I know.
You're very honest about that with eating disorders, which
I think it's a very important thing
to do, because a lot of people struggle with that.
And I think it's really great that you share that.
And I thought it was kind of just my business.
And as soon as I started talking about it,
people started coming forward, and talking to me
in airports, and stuff.
And they thrive in secrecy and isolation.
And so to me, talking about it, and trying
to remove the shame and the stigma, and it's about control,
and the more someone tries to help you,
sometimes the more you recoil into it.
So I really just wanted to shine light on, like, we all
go through this stuff.
And then-- I don't know why you guys aren't laughing.
This is a hilarious topic.
[LAUGHTER]
And I also felt like I couldn't ask for help.
I was embarrassed.
I grew up in an environment where
I wasn't allowed to have weaknesses or flaws.
And I had to seem strong.
And everyone was telling me to calm down and relax.
So I actually thought that I was just being dramatic.
And it turns out I just needed some help.
So I wanted to write this to illuminate,
like, it's cool to be vulnerable.
Pretending you're fine is so '90s.
Let's just talk it.
Yeah.