I noticed I was the only one who came dressed as a crayon.
Crayons more than one colour? - Yeah, you can get those
- How many of those have you seen?
"Oh, I won't use red or yellow crayon. I used a red and yellow crayon."
Wouldn't that be an orange crayon?
- A what crayon?
Group hug!
Do you know who texted me the other day? - No
- Shannon.
She said "I miss you". - No, she didn't.
- Yeah, she did. Yeah, she did. - Oh yeah, I remember that
- You don't miss me enough to wanna collab for 50k likes, though?
- She didn't text me.
She specifically texted you - Yeah, I know. It was just in a thread that was just me and her
Her and me, me and her - I'm fine
- Just the two of us - That doesn't make me jealous
- Well, it shouldn't, because you haven't been used for clickbait,
and neither have I, so ... - Every ... Everybody knows that two brunettes, it'll never work, so ...
- What are you saying ... - I mean, you know ... - ... about Stevie and Ally?
That was pure direct shade.
Can't believe you said that - It didn't work
- I can't believe you said that - For obvious reasons
- How are you, Rosie? You've dressed for the occasion
- Yeah, I came as the white crayon. I told you.
- Did you see, um ...
Did you see ...
... Camila had a new boyfriend?
- Yeah
- Tell you what, hussy.
Him! Not her! That was the jo ... That was the joke, 'cause his last name is Hussey - Hussey
- Or maybe huSSEY.
- You don't know. Yeah, no one knows ... - I'm annoyed that joke didn't play off very well,
- I mean ... - ... because now it looks like I'm calling her a hussy just for having a boyfriend.
Like, that's ridiculous - No one uses the word "hussy" any more. It's not even ... - How do you know?
- 'Cause when was the last time you heard it, 1956? - Yeah
I'm gonna call my ex-girlfriend. - Right. Okay.
- I'm sorry but, I've ... I just think this is what the people wanna see.
and, like, they wanna know if we'll ever film a collab - Is it your ex-girlfriend my, also my ex-girlfriend?
- No, it's my ex-girlfriend. Bye.
Right, you've gotta be quiet. - Oh, why?
What if she doesn't answer?
I'm assuming your ex is a she.
- Of course she'll answer.
What's she doing? - I don't know.
Probably someone else.
So, not so long ago in the news, I read a story that ...
... brought back ...
... a horrible flashback.
- Absent father? - No. No. We've already discussed that.
This plane from Dubai to somewhere, - Yeah
- I think maybe like Manchester or somewhere, I don't know
- Yeah - Or Wales, wherever
There was a guy on the plane and he couldn't stop farting - Yeah
- So they made an emergency landing - Mm hm
- Um ... - Mm ...
- Because he refused to stop and they, they ... - To stop fart ...
- Farting. They ... He wouldn't try and hold it in.
- Where he's within his right - That's what I think, but ... - ... to be himself
- There's no rule saying you can't.
That sounds like a long flight, doesn't it, from Dubai?
To somewhere - To Manchester or Wales, yes.
- Uh, it was somewhere - Yeah - I don't know. Right.
And anyway, so they made an emergency landing - Yeah
- ... which I thought is really harsh - Yeah - and even the pilot came out and had a go at him.
How can you trace it back, like ... - Unless you traced it directly to the source.
Like a P.I. would in that situation.
- One time in our life we've ever flown first class - Yes
- We got, um, upgraded, um ...
by surprise, and it was ... - By chance - ... it was amazing
- Yeah - Uh, and we were like, Great.
Um ... - By chance and a little bit spon.
- Small bit spon - Mostly chance.
- I had something that didn't agree with me. - Food?
- Yeah
And I couldn't stop farting.
And there was only about twelve seats in first class - Mm
- And everybody clearly knew it was me, because not only could I not stop farting,
but I had a really severe case – I don't know if anyone else has had this, please comment if you get this –
but I had a severe case of the wees at the same time.
Which is when you ... - Wait, wees as in peepee?
- The wee. - Or [wheeze]?
- No no, no no, not wheeze. Wees, like the weewees. - Yeah
- I just had to ... can't ... keep weeing every hour, and I was like,
"Everyone thinks I've got diarrhoea."
I, I smelled so strongly, I was so, I was just so embarrassed and ...
And I'm just so glad they didn't ... - And yet they didn't make an emergency stop - I know, but like ...
I feel like I had to ... If I had been in peasant class, maybe they would've.
- Wow. - I know. I got upgraded one time. - Did you hear what she just called all of you?
All of you - And me.
- All of you. - We always fly peasant. - Peasant class is what she just called you.
- Who said peasant's a bad thing?
- Oh, now she's trying to dig herself out of the hole.
Unsub!
But only to her channel.
- And then I remembered – 'cause I was at spiraling –
that when I, um,
... was with my ex-boyfriend - Yeah
- First time we ever slept together, right? - Yes
- Afterwards, he was sleeping over at my house - Yeah
- And it was like the dead of night, it was really quiet.
I uncontrollably farted really loud, like this
like really aggressively big and loud, right?
I was like, "I'll just pretend I'm still asleep. Like, don't say anything, I'll be fine."
And then I did it again
In the morning - Yeah
- I thought, uh, I, like, I didn't say anything, like - Yeah
- Maybe he just thought I just did it in my sleep, right? - Yeah
- And in the morning #%#@ the first thing he said when he woke up,
and I'll never forget this,
is going, - "I've got pink eye"?
- "Morning, fartie."
- Is that the boyfriend who left you? - Twice.
- What's going on with the lesbian youtubers? - I don't know.
- If Shannon and Cammie can make money from their breakup still - Yeah
- So can we.
- It must be, like, two years ago - I think it was May
- No, it's two years ago. - Two years this May.
- Mm. Oh, oh yeah, 'cause you have that diary entry, didn't you?
Oh my god, you should get your diary and read out the entry when Shannon and Cammie broke up
Also, ...
It was in your brown diary
- The Hogwarts one? - No, it's like a brown diary #&%$
Like I said, I don't really fart much any more.
- Is it? - Yeah, go and get it!
- Okay - Pause the video.
- Okay - I'm getting some crisps.
- Ah, couldn't find it.
- Why are these LA lesbians so shit at life? - I don't know.
- "Oh, look, I'm living the life."
"I'm really cool."
- It's not snowing over there, it's hailing. - "Not snowing. I'm in my T-shirt, and I'm really tanned."
- "I go to the Pleasure Chest every week." - "Yeah." - "I have a sex swing."
- Do you know what? You're dead to me.
- Why don't you just ring Joanna Simon?
- Do you think she'd answer? - No.
Does she recognize your number?
- What are you saying? We're not good friends?
Fuck you, evil bitch.
- So is there anything embarrassing that keeps you awake? Like, um ...
- Just our wedding day.
I think it's just the fact that I don't let the small things bother me any more.
Apart from the fact that my ex-girlfriend won't answer her phone.
- That makes sense.
- I'm really upset
Oh my god ... - You don't leave a message on Facetime audio, Rose!
For god's sake! - I've called her about 17 times.
- Babe! - She's gonna think there's an emergency - No, leave a message!
- Why does none of my calls go through to my friends?
All I wanna do is speak to them.
- Guys, would you ever dream of making a call or doing a text and putting your phone down and not locking it first?
What if you accidentally called someone?
- It's okay, they won't answer anyway.
Do you want to hear about my dream last night? - No - Which is why I actually ...
Can I tell you?
I actually texted Cammie this morning saying, ... I'll read it.
"I had a dream we were both friends with Reese Witherspoon during a virus pandemic,"
"and it brought us even closer together. [Purple heart]"
And then she said,
"I MISS YOU." All in caps, which leads me to believe that she misses me more than I miss her.
- Or that she's shouting. - Or that she's shouting. Or in a tunnel.
"Haha haha. I can't decide if that's terrifying or really cute."
- Or, instead of "Haha haha", it was
"Hahahaha".
- No. I think Cammie would go, actually it's more like,
"Hehehe he".
And then I said,
"All the death aside, I think it's really cute. How are you, babe? What's the goss?"
- Aw, and she didn't text you back, look. And then she ignored all 20 of your calls.
God, you really did have a messy breakup, didn't you?
- Yeah - Mm
AAAHHHH - Oh, she's naked. - Hi!
- Hey! How's it going, Cammie? - She's naked ... Hi Cammie!
- Good, how are you guys?
- Yeah, really good, thank you. - Yeah, really good
- You look really tanned. - Yeah
- I was in Australia.
- Oh yeah - Ah, okay, cool.
- Whacha doing?
- It seems that our viewers...
... really wanna see ...
... us collab, because you know, you're my ex-girlfriend
- Mm - That makes sense.
- Yeah, so we were thinking that if we could get this video we're filming now to a certain amount of likes,
- Yeah - Well then maybe if you're willing, we could collaborate.
- Yeah, so I was just gonna ask, like,
... how many likes ...
... do you think we should get people to do, like ...
I don't know, like, ballpark figure.
- I don't know, like, how many likes you get normally
- Well, currently? - Lately?
- Currently? - Ten?
- Ah, what should we say? - I don't know, should we ...
- Thirty? - Should we say ... Fifty. Should we say 50,000?
- 50,000? - Yeah? - 50,000 - Fifty?
- Yeah, do you, do you think you'd be up for that?
- I'm good. - Okay
Okay cool, that's really good. - I'm good.
- That's great - Cool. Also, hope you're well. - Cool.
- I don't know if you know her, but there's this girl called Shannon
And ... - That's also your ex, isn't it?
- Yeah, my ex. Well, nearly, kind of. I ... - Dodged a bullet - But, Rosie, I thought it was your ex.
- Oh yeah - Oh, that's right. Yeah.
- Yeah - She is my ex.
- I, I ... - We're still going strong actually
- I dodged a bullet with her, 'cause what a bitch, am I right?
- Yeah, Thank fucking god, right?
- Right? - I mean, she never uploads.
- Yeah, I ... - So, I mean, it's been a minute.
- It's been a minute - She's the worst - I know.
- Yeah - What does she do all day?
- Yeah, what does she do? - I don't know
- I know, what a dick.
Okay, cool.
Alright, um, Cammie, well look, it's really nice to speak to you. I'm glad this wasn't awkward.
Um ... - Yeah, and enjoy the voicemail we left - Yeah
- I cannot wait - Okay. Mua. I love you. I'll see you soon
- Bye guys, - Bye! - Bye!
Have you ever catfished anyone or been catfished?
- I have never ... - You did!
- No. Listen - No.
- I am not gonna sit here and promote catfishing
- I'm not telling you to promo ... - ... by telling my truths.
- So, so ... - I am a role model, right? - So you're telling your lies?
- A role model!
- I'm just a model.
- Okay. Have you ever catfished someone?
- So ... It didn't work - It's a very dangerous thing to do, Rosie
- I know - I can't believe that's something you're promoting.
- This was, like, before – I'm not being funny, but – This was back in the day of
no show called Catfish with a guy called Nev. Like, that didn't exist. - Yeah
And no audience to "influence" either way.
- Yeah, also, yeah, I was stupid, like ... - So you were ... you were ...
- It didn't work, so I was double stupid.
So it was ages ago. I'm not promoting it. It also didn't work. It was ineffective.
I wasn't very good. Much like your tale that you won't tell.
Um ...
One time, I blocked someone on Facebook because you actually told me that they'd been bitching about me
What a bitch. I thought we were friends, whatever. Bye. Get off.
You, you've lost the right to be on my Facebook.
I instantly regretted it 'cause I wanted to see what they were doing. - Right
- I didn't wanna unblock them. And even if I unblocked them, but we weren't ... Ooh
- Excuse me!
Bisexual o'clock! You need to make a decision!
Zing!
- Um, what?
I was like, "Ah, I have ... I can't re-add them again."
- Mmmm - "So I'll just create ..." I was like, "I know, I'll just have a second Facebook." - Yes
- So I was like, "I'll create a fake Facebook." - Yes
- I was like, "What can I name it?" Right?
And I had, at the time I had a Toshiba laptop. Is that what it's called? Toshiba, or Toshima, or something? - Yes, it is called Toshiba.
- Yeah. And then, like, also I was on tumblr and there was a picture of that girl called something Rivera, from ...
- Naya, Naya - Naya. Na ... Naya, Naya Rivera?
- Yeah - From Glee - Yes, from Glee.
- I was like, "Okay. Toshiba Rivera. Done."
'Cause I didn't have any creativity
- No! You called yourself ... - Toshiba ...
- You weren't Toshiba Rivera. You were Naya ... - No, I slightly changed ... I was Toshima
- No! - What?
That's what I called myself - You were Naya Toshima!
- Ah, I thought it was Toshi ... - You were Naya Toshima - Ah, right, so I took the Naya from Naya Rivera
- Yes - And, I think I changed Toshiba to Toshima
- You know, just to save yourself - Just to ... Just bring a slight change. One letter.
And uh ... - I ... This story makes me cry
- And then I was like, "I'm not gonna ..."
No, yeah, and then I added the person, right?
But another friend, right, had a stalker at the time.
And then I, so I logged back into my normal facebook
And I saw the girl I was trying to add message my friend, like,
"Oh, yeah, you know your stalker?"
"Uh, someone's trying to add me called Naya Toshima."
"Um, so I think it's your stalker."
Um, so I got confused with a genuine stalker.
- Yeah, I know, I know - She was like, "So nobody add them. I've denied ..." - Did ... Can I ask, can I ask,
- I mean ... - Did you, did you then say,
"Oh wow, guys, yeah, me too. Someone called Naya Toshima tried to add me. What's happening?"
Also, like, I didn't even give a profile picture or fill in the "About". Like I really didn't, like, put in the dedication
- So ... - If you were gonna catfish anyone and pretend to be someone, what would you do?
Because I think I would love to create a false identity,
become a different lesbian Youtuber and see which other lesbian Youtuber I could hook up with first
- That's what I'd do - Yeah
- I would, I'd say ... - What if we end – plot twist – we end up hooking up with each other?
I would...
... be ...
... a man ...
... and test ... - And you'd ... And you'd - ... their lesbianinity.
- You'd offer Alexis G. Zall some sweets.
I'd take you to LA, but I'm scared you'll slip and fall on a lesbian Youtuber and have sex with them.
If you were single, and you really fancied a lesbian Youtuber who was in a relationship,
would it stop you from flirting with them?
- No, because the lesbian youtubers' relationships don't seem to last that long.
Fuck!
Oh it's three fucks
That's Joanna Simons's basic Monday
Don't forget to like this video, 'cause if it gets to 50,000 likes, we're gonna fuck Cammie Scott live on air.
Bye!