[Music]
morning auntie robin
jesus hi sweetheart
you smell funny you look funny
i made up the bed in the spare room for
you couldn't make it that far what time
is it
six there was a crisis or of course
there was well he wrote
radiant as usual
[Music]
it's nice
[Music]
hi who are you i'm robin
i work for the pr firm that represents
your husband
cody pratitte how did you get in
bathroom window you broke into my house
jesus you people are incredible
me being an idiot again probably
i'm sorry it's off
you being an idiot yeah
right so the next thing i know
i'm in the disabled toilets hitting the
nose bag
and getting a hand job off one of the
male waiters
and the sense of
uber for robin
yep
thank you bye
read a book get a coffee play jenga i
don't care
but this interview does not happen
without me present we clear
you're the boss
go honor amongst thieves
but to be honest it's kind of strange at
first but then it's liberating like the
first time you wear a swimming cat god
but
all of it it just seems so exposing
i mean god let's not forget i have
pushed two babies out of that bad boy
well i think you should try it
you do not get a say in the grooming of
my snoot snooge
yes sam my snootch do you have a problem
with that i do not have a problem with
your snooze
excuse me my wife's mind you're talking
about tell you what i will shave mine if
you shave yours deal one of the mothers
at kelly's school once got it all waxed
and she said it made her moo like a cow
literally
she was on all fours and she moved like
a poked
cow yeah good
mommy i need a pose thank you for
letting us know
i'll leave you two okay thank you hi
honey
and next welcome to my
weird office
how may i help you
[Music]
it's my birthday and i'm going to party
sorry teddy is getting really bitey
honestly my nipples are a mess you know
those machines they have at the pier the
ones that flatten pennies feels like my
nipples have gone through one of those
machines
don't laugh i'm not kidding i'm sorry
seriously
now enjoy your titties well they're
yours these days mine are either juice
boxes for the kids or mark is grabbing
at them like he's testing avocados
hello hi are we still on for tonight of
course
good because i am gonna get buffed up
mommy hiya
mommy's on the phone bubba are you
absolutely sure you don't want to spend
your birthday with mark spent every
night of my life with mark for once he
can look after his children
while mommy gets her party on hey
leave her alone she's mine oh this is
this is ruth
ruth wow it's robin said you're a very
sexy lady did she now
no this is my sister that was eve i was
talking about
brilliant boy you
i want tequila it makes me happy
good morning caroline
does this make me look like a lesbian
uh no it's lovely you misunderstand
i want to let that lesbian it's for a
benefit
for lesbian oh well in that case with
the right hand what lesbian are we
talking ellen or porsche
the second one
i don't care if that's jesus himself
asking for your hand in marriage
there's only one person allowed to touch
their phone in this office and you're
looking at him
you're meeting henderson at the
wandering in half an hour brush your
teeth first
christ you've got lovely skin i'd kill
for your skin
i mean literally i would kill you and
peel it off if i could
hello when the phone rings you answer
i'm sorry i just care if you've been in
a car crash both your arms are broken
and you've got a mouthful of shattered
teeth
you spit them out get someone else to
hold the phone and you mow me a gummy
response
that's pretty clear
i spoke to nadia from big brother five
you could see the ignorance
just get channel five maybe if we dig
deeper into his family life we can
stop christ
it's like being slowly stung to death by
incompetent wasps
there's blood in the water stop flapping
around like a bunch of epileptic
penguins and take
control come on
hi i'm the computer hi hi um
um a melody
sorry my mom my mom just loves you by
the way um
when you did castle in a cloud at the
royal variety he had us both gushing
please i'm the new girl in the office
i've only just moved to london
and i hardly know anyone i'm barely even
getting
paid so you obviously think i'm some
kind of wide-eyed country bumpkin and
this is the first proper job they've
actually given me to do so
i can't mess it up because then they'll
find out i'm a total loser
please i just i just want them to like
me
did you seriously just give a speech
about not fitting into a trans woman
jesus is there nothing you people won't
stoop to
ah tits is that um
um that's simon my cousin uh it's um
it's my dad's
brother's friends kid
your cousin looks a lot like your
boyfriend craig from work
toast's burning mm-hmm oh oh bowls
i'm texting you the number of my guy in
harley street use me a favor
okay um what time did you did he try and
you yet jesus no
eve the man's having a break of course
he is he's not crying yet that's what
tipped me
i love seeing a man cry hey come on he
must have done something
he had his hand on my ass within three
minutes knob out in 20.
or maybe he just recognizes that i'm
more professional than you are
hey probably right shout out anyway so
like half a bottle of bombay and start
having one of those flirty conversations
about how kinky we are on a scale of one
to ten
hmm tricky cause anything under five and
you're gonna sound like a proof but go
too high and you're basically saying
piss on me i'm slush i know i think i go
seven that's what i thought save
seven but if bondage bum sex if four
warned like spanking everyone's a winner
so proceedings get underway and suddenly
this happens
is that a cigarette burr shouldn't have
even been smoking in the flat
my landlord finds out she was
kittens jesus what did you do i elbowed
him in the face broke his nose blood
everywhere
unfortunately this just turned him on
even more christ
i want to give you all my love this
better be worth it
this is not the sort of underwear you
wear if nobody's going to see it if it
doesn't work out i'll just have to flash
the mini cab driver on the way home
oh it boy wants to log into your um
don't know any computer words something
funny stop it seriously they're not
really going to go out with an itty boy
are you
melody go out with whoever you like
eve's just jealous cause
there's no ram on her hard drive oh
there it is
women aren't funny your wife must have a
sense of humor
she's seen you naked oh
drop my cucumber do i call you or do i
just commit a crime
probably committing a crime would get me
to you quicker this is
my most inviting thank you and good
night