Hello and welcome back to another episode of C**ktober
*frickin wolf howl + LSD*
Straight man's guide to fall.
What's your favorite fall tradition?
I know mine. It's candles.
I love the scent of ca-
I love having candles lit.
Just makes me feel warm and cozy.
*Anthony's weird voice jiggling*
There are thousands of scents in the store
But only four (4) marketed to straight men!
Mahogany,
leather,
tobacco,
and whiskey.
Because every straight man
is apparently Ron Swanson.
I think I enjoy those scents even less than I enjoy being told which scents I should enjoy by a candle.
But, if I'm gonna make my own candle for straight men...
Which scent should it be?
What is the one scent that every straight man universally enjoys?
And then... it hit me.
*horns??*
P***y!
Miel: [in the background] ANTHONY, NO!
M:That's...really inappropriate.
What is- what scent does every straight man enjoy? It's true.
M: Ehn.. I don't know... his own farts?
First, you're gonna start with your *drops bag* wax.
*spanks that bad boy*
So then you measure how much you're gonna need... by pouring it into your container
Then you boil some water
Loooove crafting.
Now you take your wax... and you just dunk this whole container into the boiling water.
Oh... oh, that's hot.
And there's our wax. It's a beautiful urine color.
Stick this little sticky tape on the bottom, then you center it in the jar.
There we go~
And I- I know it's not just straight men that enjoy p***y.
There are gay women, bi women,
bi men, pansexual...
And straight men... are the ones that are being oppressed.
And now...
the moment you've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna make this candle smell like p***y.
bUT wHaT iT sMeLL LiKE??
FiSh??
YeASt??
[sassy] Please...
Amateurs...
Turns out- ahhw!!
There are three (3) common scents:
The most obvious...
Sweat.
So I've been collecting my sweat all week.
And I put it in this really cute jar that I got in Amazon.
Two drops of human sweat...
*drip* One...
*drip* Two...
*drip* oOH-
I guess- I guess that's three!
The second scent took me quite a while to identify, but now that I have, I'm confident it's correct.
That scent...
is metal.
I know it seems crazy, but...
Seems right, doesn't it?
Four drops of metal.
You can either purchase this as an essential oil or you can make your own with pennies!
*drip*
And, finally the most important scent...
It's white wine.
I- it's- THIS, I know.
This one, you probably think I'm absolutely crazy, but it's...
it's white wine.
Five drops.
*drip*
*drip* Two...
*drip* Three...
*drip* Four...
*drip* Five...
*drip*
I.. guess we got six.
You know those Bertie Bott's jelly beans that they sell? The Harry Potter ones?
This is what one of those jelly beans would taste like.
If it was labeled p***y.
*clinky stir*
*tap*
Then you take the p***y wax,
aaand you pour it into your jar...
*long whistle*
Now you take your jar and you set it aside and just wait for it to... firm up.
Things are heating up as they're also getting cool...
and hard.
The candle is the.. can- the candle's getting hard.
I'm not...
It's just the candle.
*snip* *snip*
You cut the wick.
*snip*
AAaaAaAAaHhH!!!~
And now the moment you've all been waiting for...
*spanky spanky*
*gun noises*
*whoOp wHOoP sHwOoP wSHH*
*click*
*sniffs*
*remembers he used to be emo*
*remembers he left Smosh*
*clap* *clap*
yEAhH!!
I'm smelling this aaand I suddenly want to watch The Bachelor.
I don't know why, but I want to buy this candle a very nice glass of champagne.
If I were to put a pair of underwear above this for two days,
I can sell them on eBay.
M: That's nasty.
What?
That's.. no I'm-
M:You know what you said.
I have never felt more straight in my life as I have smelling my homemade candle.
This is the cutest jar.
Bro, bro, you gotta smell this.
*thunder crackling* God damn scientists.
I've recreated a human body part...
with... only one of its functions.
This is what I call...
Franken-gina.
M: It's so fucking stupid.
That's not stupid.
M: [laughing] That's so fucking-
That's- that's a good name.
Make sure to tune in Tuesday for my next episode of C**ktober.
We're gonna be making something that's gonna make me a billionaire.
And I'm spending it all on decorative gourds.
See ya later bye guys.
Press a like.
*~spunky funky music~*