Hello! welcome to my floor very excited to have you here
You know we don't spend that much time on the floor, and I feel like it was a little left out
So let's sit on the floor recently I was at a friend's house and her mother painted my middle finger with nail polish
Something about it was just really
Empowering and fun and I really enjoyed it. It just made me feel like I could do anything and it didn't matter
I've never really like worn nail polish out in public before and
Just having my one middle finger painted was just as like really freeing experience of just like I don't care
and I don't know it just like meant a lot more to me than I
Expected and I liked it a lot more than I expected so today. I'm gonna paint my nails
I picked up this very beautiful glittery blue nail polish at CVS this morning
and I'm going to talk a little bit about masculinity and my relationship with it and just
stuff for the longest time I was so
afraid of not being
manly enough it was just like a very deeply ingrained fear inside of me that I
Wasn't enough of a man and it's still kind of like a thing that pops into my head quite often
And that's something I want to change as soon as I can so by getting glittery blue nail polish and painting my nails
It's kind of like a test for me or a challenge for myself to
Stop caring so much about whether or not I'm enough of a guy. It wasn't really like a family pressure
For me to be super manly growing up. I always heard like common phrase "like be a man" and stuff like that
It wasn't really them telling me to be manly that
Made me feel like I had to be manly it was just kind of the way that I perceived
Masculinity that caused me to be like that I have a very very manly father
He is a professional arm wrestler. That is not a joke
He literally was a professional arm wrestler
and he works on cars and
super buff and scary and
Growing up your father is like this big focal point of what a man should be and so
When I realized I wasn't like my dad. I was immediately like trying to acclimate
Oh my gosh. How am I gonna pay my other hand this is gonna. Be really hard. I wish I had a friend
Oh my gosh. I can already tell it's gonna be so bad oh
um
this is not my first time painting all of my nails, but this is the first time I
Already got it on my skin I
But this is the first time I'm ever going to wear painted nails out in public in Texas
I wouldn't recommend wearing nail polish out in public if you are like fragile like me
I think y'all see me online and think like "wow conan
I couldn't must be like the most confident person he goes out and does whatever he wants", but I'm not like that at all
I'm actually a very quiet very private person in
Public and I'm really terrified of other people to the point where like I don't like to order my own things
I don't like to talk to the waiters or waitresses
Really hate like causing scenes or like making people look at me. It's just not my thing
I'm very scared of it on camera
I can be really really open and like not really care because I'm in my room like I don't there's no one
Really to tell me that I can't be like this, but in public. I am quiet and scared
I knew that I shouldn't wear nail polish on in public in Texas because I'm fragile and I don't feel like being harassed
But in LA which is where I currently am I could wear nail polish outside
And no one's gonna say a damn thing except for maybe like "your nails look good" (yes they do :). So this is a big test for me
It's a challenge for me to be more accepting of myself and to do whatever I want to do in terms of self-expression
Regardless of what it says about my masculinity. I think I'm thinking into this a little too much
Growing up masculinity was just such a big part of who I am because I'm not
Manly at all growing up people always told me like "your such a girly boy"
No one ever looked at me, and thought "that dude... that's a
MAN" , I just never exuded that aura you can't even tell that they're blue. I'll be like 12 layers
You're dry
I think so, maybe, I'll find out and growing up being told that I was a girly boy really hurt me
I really hated it, but I've gotten to a point where I don't care because
Being compared to a girl. I'm finally thought girls are
Incredible freakin amazing so why would I be hurt by being compared to a girl?
I'm just not like that anymore and as a challenge for myself
Especially with the new year here. I'm trying to
Be more of myself in public in the public eye and like outside of my room
Because who cares if I'm living a life that I'm not myself then that's not really much of life
They're really pretty color. I really hope that after
40,000 layers that you can tell it's blue because I like that it's blue and I'll match my
T-shirt I've come a long way in terms of masculinity since I was a kid I always fought with
Self-identity since the dawn of my creation and believe it or not I was a very "boyish" boy
And so when I was a boy no one really questioned it because I was like really boyish I like rode bikes and played with
Snails and got dirty and everything, but then the older you get people expect you to like start being a certain way
But I never got that way I was always really really
affectionate I was always like attached to my mother and sitting on her lap and
Like hugging her and kissing her
And I'm still that way I am very very
Affectionate of a friend and a child when I was growing up people kept telling my mom like "oh like enjoy it while it lasts
Because it's gonna disappear soon", but it never disappeared they all were like "my boys stopped loving me when they turned 14"
And then I turned 14, and now I'm 19 and they still hugging my mom all the time
I always really admired my mother, and I always loved watching her paint her nails or watching her put on her makeup
It was just like a sacred ritual to her and it just seemed like so much fun
But I never loved myself do it because I'm a guy and I can't do anything. That's girly or else
I'm no longer a man
I got the idea to paint my nails glittery blue because I really love the oh my gosh. This is actually really challenging
I'm good. Just stop stop talking for a second oh
Very nice you still can't tell oh my god. You can't forget look at that
Just decide no everyone always talks about my thumbs
I have a really really really intense Hitchhiker's thumb and every time
I post anything with my hands in it everyone's always like what the heck is wrong with you
Oh, so normal people as long as I like they're like this like yay good stuff. Yes
Um, but mine is like it's like this this my thumb can
*dolphin noise coming soon to you on youtube*
And everyone always makes fun of me stop making fun of my thumb with that being said I actually get
complimented on my hands very often
So thank you for everyone who doesn't make fun of my thumbs and tells me that my hands are pretty
This is such a good color good choice Conan was I talking about before I caught on you
Oh, yeah, I chose to paint my I chose to paint a choice it
I'm also trying to just be more like myself like I am in real life in videos that is something
I want to be this year I chose to paint my fingers holo
Glittery blue because I really love the YouTube channel simplynailogical love it
10 out of 10 12 out of 10
And I really
REALLY
wanted to get the peel off base coat that she always uses because taking the nails off is like the most satisfying thing in the
Whole wide world, but I bought it and it's gonna take two weeks to get here so
Interesting that's fine. I also bought acetone which coincidentally
matches this bottle of nail polish
So if I want to take these off I can but I'm trying not to I'm gonna try to wear these and not care
It's gonna take a lot of energy and me to not care about having alcohol. I'm sorry
I'm actually an extremely self-conscious person
And I don't really talk about it very much because I don't want to I want to be very confident in Who I am
Because I want to be a good example for y'all
Well my nose turned so red and it's still itchy so I have to turn it more red
Wow I'm gonna do like seven more layers, and then I will come back to y'all with a grand reveal
*like 17 positive commenting conan voices*
Thank you so much for watching this video. I hope you enjoyed it in the comments below
Tell me what color I should paint my nails next because I'm gonna keep doing it
I need to keep challenging myself to be myself
also
If you've ever struggled with masculinity or femininity
or anything with self-expression
let me know in the comments because
I always look for Solace and other people and I think that other people who are looking for a little boost in confidence to be
Themselves would appreciate seeing some nice happy supportive comments down there
I'll see you guys in a couple days of the brand new video. God bless and goodbye