We are back with the one
and only, Bridget Everett.
Yeah. Bridget.
(audience applauding)
It is your story. Give it to us now.
Yes, okay.
Distractify reports,
"The Judgies Podcast" recently had a listener write in
about an issue with her boyfriend.
She slept over at his house for the first time
and discovered, he sleeps in a nest.
Now, there's no mattress,
just a nest of his clothes,
and the girlfriend tried to go with it,
but she ended up sleeping on the couch.
Yeah she did. They got
in a big fight afterwards,
and he says he won't part with the nest.
And she says, "Well,
that might be a little bit of a deal-breaker."
Drew, what's the weirdest place
that you've fallen asleep? (laughing)
(audience laughing)
I have a really weird thing,
I won't sleep next to my friends.
I just won't do it. I'm too uncomfortable.
So I've like, slept on a pool table or like, in a bathtub.
I'm like, it's too intimate
and weird.
If I'm intimate with someone then yeah, great,
but like, I don't know why,
I will not share a bed with my friend.
Interesting, okay.
What would you think if you got to a guy's house
and he had a nest of clothing?
Well, I like to try new things.
(Drew laughing) (audience laughing)
(Ross laughing)
And you know, I like to never say no
to what's possible.
(audience giggling) As a young Rudy Ruettiger
would point out,
until you really put your full heart in it,
you're not gonna know how to win.
This is a no-go for Ross Matthews.
If you sleep in a nest of your dirty clothes,
that's a mattress-sized red flag, right?
I mean, what is next?
You're not making good choices in your life.
This is just, it's such a deal-breaker for me.
I mean, I was making a joke
about the places I've slept
to avoid sleeping with my friends in a bed,
but this is nuts.
But you know
what I would do? What?
I don't know if you guys remember the movie "Rudy",
Yeah, uh-huh. There's a scene,
where the captain goes into the coach's office,
and he has his jersey,
and he puts it on the desk
and he says, "I'd like Rudy to dress in my place."
And coach says, "Well, you know,
you're the captain
and the all-American, I think you should act like it",
and he said, "I believe I am."
And then they come in
and there's one jersey, on another jersey,
on another jersey,
and the next thing you know,
there's a nest of jerseys.
Yes, there is. There's a nest of jerseys.
(audience applauding)
And if I was there,
and I was Rudy, Rudy in all those jerseys,
we're gonna cuddle up
and we're gonna have tickle fights
and we're gonna have the best time of our lives.
Now that is a nest I could invest in.
You're amazing. All right, next up,
we'd love to turn this desk into a test lab
and try out all the latest
and greatest products on the market.
This is "Drew's Reviews".
Yay. (energetic synth rings out)
And today, we've got a pic sent in by me.
I just saw this,
and I thought, "You know what?
I have to have this, because, that's right.
It's an extendable fork.
See, we all have plates of food here.
Okay, yes. So if you don't mind kindly,
you know, you just wanna say to someone,
do you like that clock on the wall?
(audience giggling) And then, you know,
just steal- But that's my wiener.
I stole your wiener.
(audience clapping)
Hey Drew, look over there.
Look over there. Let's get her nuggets.
(audience clapping)
Aren't you just happy?
So happy,
And when you're done with the meal,
you got yourself a little backscratcher too,
isn't that nice? (audience laughing)
Oh, no. I made a mess on your plate, sorry.
Oh my God. Are you guys in?
I'm all in. (audience clapping)
All right, how many stars would you give it Bridget?
Out of five?
I'm giving this a 5/5. Woohoo.
Similar, to the time,
that Rudy got in on
that last play of the game- No, no.
and they just need him go five yards
to sack that quarterback,
and he did it.
This is a 5/5 for me.
I love it. Rossy? (audience clapping)
5/5 for the same reason.
I'm giving it a 5/5
because I anticipated the joy it would give me,
and it's giving it to me,
so 5/5. So good.
(audience clapping)
Bridget Everett, I love you.
You have been honestly, my favorite for so long
and this new project of yours, I think,
just continues to show all of your capacities
and magnanimous talents.
You really are everything,
and I'm so excited for this project.
"Somebody Somewhere" is on Sunday nights
at 10:30 on HBO
and HBO Max.
It is phenomenal,
and so are you.
(bright pop music)