So you're wondering how to conquer your fears? We all have them right? My guest
today, Chad Brown did some really crazy things that will illuminate some of the
secrets to that. Fear, oh man, I'm a little afraid right now. Makes you
shudder, right? I'm just saying. Guys this is my buddy Chad brown. That's me.
It's kind of weird so I'm a little afraid. Not too bad. Anybody that like
dedicates their career to fear has got to be kind of a weird. Yeah well, so I
brought Chad in on this particular episode because he's got a little
different take on fear and you can link to Chad and some of the things that he's
doing down in the description and you'll see why I'm having so much fun just
interacting with him but we've known each other for a while too long time.
Probably about a decade. Yeah, yeah. You like when I was like a scared little 20
year old. That's right. Yeah and now you're not. Now I'm as scared 35 years. So
it's been a little while. Chad what is it about conquering fear that.... and you've
got a little different take on this so you bring us up to speed.
Yeah, so I think many of the ways that we talk about fear
these days not even these days that we've talked about it for a long time,
yeah it might be a little bit unhealthy. And I say might be because I'm open to new
ideas. I'm open to talking and having discussion with, right? So if you want to
prove me wrong, I'm totally open to that. Oh I'll take you on it.
I know you will. You're the psychologist. He's always psychoanalyzing me. Anyway, so I think you
know much of the language around fear is we've got a crush fear, we've got a
conquer fear, we've got...you know it's... Fight it. Yeah it is this
visual of we've got to fight it. Put your dukes up because when that fear is
coming, oh man you better be ready if you want to get the things you want in life.
Right. Otherwise you can cower away, you can let it just exist that sort of thing
and control your life. Hmm-hmm. I'm saying that I think that message might be
unhealthy and here's why. I've studied and read a lot of the Greats.
There's a lot of people that I really really admire that tackle this idea of
fear. Right. One of them being, Mel Robbins. I love Mel Robbins. She's author of
five-second rule. Yeah brilliant book. Changed my life and she talks about in
that book her speaking career. And she says... you know she talks about she's has
an over 20 years of speaking experience. Right she's spoken every stadium across
the nation, packed houses and she says... She's excellent by the way. I got to hear Mel
speak. She is so real. So I mean take everything
you know about a motivational speaker throw it out the window and you have Mel
Robbins. She's just brilliant. So anyway she talked about in that books,
five-second rule and in her TED talk which you should definitely lean to in....
Oh yeah - put in description. Okay great so she talks about this idea that she's
been speaking for over 20 years and every single time she goes in front of a
crowd, up on stage, she feels fear. Wait Mel's feeling fear? Yes, every.. this is
somebody who has blown away stadiums. Yeah. Right. Amongst millions of lives.
Okay I don't know about millions. I don't have the actual number on that. Maybe on that but possibly.
Yeah it's possible. Anyways, so Mel Robbins, she talked about
this and and I've heard many many other greats talk about this idea how fear
never goes away. So they're doing something different with it. Right, so let
me ask you this. Okay. First can we go somewhere? Look I've got
a little demonstration for you, okay? Okay, now I'm getting nervous. I have this can,
doesn't look it's threatening. It's empty, nothing in it, right? It's popped open already.
It's popped open. You can see that. I want you to take this can with your
bear man hands. And uh I want you to crush it. I want you to
crush the can. I mean you can do it on your forehead if you want, but I don't... I
mean... That would leave a big circle right there on my forehead. But just crush it.
Yeah, yeah just use this... A test of my strength. Yeah, use your strength and just
crush that. Okay that was actually really impressive. Huh don't mess with me. Okay,
so let me ask you, what was that experience? Wasn't that a hard Chad. So it wasn't that
hard. No. Okay so one can, not that big but you know what I said I'd get a circle on
my forehead. Look at that. I got a circle on my hand. You sure did. I was
playing some force there and or something resistance. It's actually... I can
still feel it. Did you have to muster a little bit of strength? Yeah a little.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay so that's one can. Dr. Paul okay?
DP as I call him and I don't know if he likes DP but I call him dr. Paul here's
my question to you. If I asked you to crush cans all day, every day?
Oh boy. What would that feel like? Well like with my bare hands?
Absolutely. I still feel that one. I still got a mark on my hand. I would
get blisters very quickly. Hm-hmm. I would injure myself. Yes. if I were to do that. What
would happen it would be psychologically? Oh I'd hate it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly so when
we talk about conquering our fears, Okay. We're crushing our fears that's why I
love this demonstration so much, crushing the can, right? When we talk about fears in this language, it's
exhausting. Who wants that life? That's a good point.
Who wants this... Because remember I said the greats talk about the fear never
goes away. So it's going to be constant. Yeah so it's...
We're going to have to deal with it somehow. Somehow, so it can be exhausting or my
contention is that it can be an adventure. Okay. That it can be fun. That's one of your
your themes. Yeah it is and that it can be an opportunity for fear to show us
who we really can be. Our greatest selves. I like
where you're going with this. I do too. Can you tell? Alright so here's
the second part of the demonstration. I have another can of soda and there's
something on the rim there. Don't drink that,
that's disgusting. Now it's less disgusting. Okay, so don't ruin this.
This is where we're going. No I'm with you. Yeah, alright. Yeah so remember the
can is our fears, right? I'm so glad that didn't explode. That was in my backpack.
Alright, so... I want me to take... You want me to crush an open can? No, here's
what I want you to do. I want you to just rest the can on your knee. Okay.
and if you get thirsty, go ahead and take a drink. If I get thirsty? Yeah, yeah. If
you get thirsty. Because I'm kind of thinking I'd like to taste it. Yeah
absolutely. Is that okay? Yeah enjoy it. It's delicious stuff. Tonic water. I like
tonic water. Dr. Paul tell he's never tried tonic water. It might be an
acquired taste but... That's good. It's decent, right? How do you feel right now? I
feel happy. You know honestly, I do. Honestly I mean, I'm trying to connect
with what you're doing with the can too. Yes, yes. I'm happy because I'm here with
you on Live on Purpose TV. I love doing this. I love you for being here. Chad, I'm
enjoying spending some time with you but as we change this so at first I was a
little bit apprehensive. I'm like, "where's he going with this?" Right. Yeah I don't
want to try to crush a full can. That's going no it's not going to work.
No when you opened it, I'm thinking this is going to make a mess. Are we going for a
viral video here? What... I was really trying to help you out with some viral..
Yeah that might be really fun to watch but I didn't see the point of that.
Yeah and they should just rest on your knee and if you want to you can take a
drink and it was it was like the pressures off. I'm like, "oh okay yeah I'll
just enjoy this as I choose." I took a little sip, tasted good. I had a new
experience with a new taste that I haven't had before and so you said how do
you feel? I feel happy, okay? So let's compare this. I'm
pretending to be happy. Compare these two experiences, right? Okay between the
crushing and the sitting and sipping. The sitting...Yeah, absolutely. The sitting and
sipping experience is much different. I mean there's not much force that's
that's needed, right? There's not much brute strength. You're not worrying that
you've got to just crush the next one. I can do this is all day. Yeah you could do this
all day and so here's my point Dr. Paul. Yeah. Is that if we were to
talk about fears in a similar way. Hm-hmm... Where we can really look at our
fears, take a good look at them, identify them, name them. Just kind of be with them.
Yes be with them, Get comfortable with them because what I teach is that
our fears are actually our true selves begging to come out. Okay. And so it's
like this. I compare it to a child. Yeah you could put that down. I compared to a
child. I have a couple of kids myself, right? Right. I have a little Milo who's
four years old. Okay iyou know you can see a lot of Milo on our YouTube
channel probably more than the other kids. Favor him a little bit. He just
begs for the camera. Yeah but sometimes if I'm talking with somebody
like you, like you and I are talking Right. Like this sometimes, I feel this
hey dad...dad... dad... dad... hugging on your dad dad.. dad... dad.. Alright and I'm going, "Shh...shhh.ssh..
I'm having a very important adult conversation here. Yeah exactly. I
probably don't treat that situation the bet you could teach me how to treat that
situation a lot better I'm pretty sure. Without the positive parenting
playlist. You go check it out. Exactly, but my point is that's our
fears. Uh-huh. It's tugging on our coat saying, "look trying to get your attention,
I'm here. I'm here for you. I'm here to show you who you can actually be. I'm
here to show you how you can look at life as an adventure rather than a
monotony. Yeah. Right? And so once we get familiar with them and we're going to do
another video where I'm going to... I'll talk about some of these steps, right? till..
Because this is very sounding very ominous. It's sounding like a great idea
right now but I have step by step by step process that you can follow. How
to actually do it - To do this. Yes absolutely but once I call it inviting your fears
to coffee and and if you don't like coffee you could invite them to lunch or
tonic water or to tonic water but think about those moments where your greatest
friendships are developed. Hmm-hmm and it's those times where you're not doing
anything but sitting with each other. Right. Learning about each other.
Supporting... it's being present. Yes yeah and we can do that same thing with our
fears. We can become friends with them and they will support us. They won't
become our greatest allies. This is a whole new idea.
Yes. I mean I've talked with you about this and that's why you got
invited to be here today. I like dogs. I know right? Yeah, Yeah. This is against
the common tendency or perception or what we've been trained taught and
educated to think or how to handle or deal with our fears. Yeah, you're saying
make friends with it. Hmm-hmm. Be with it. Let's take out the pressure of having to
crush it or destroy it or fight against it. That has a such a resistance. Yeah.
Kind of a feel to it but instead it's kind of like some of the martial arts
and I'm not an expert but yes that's a great analogy.
Instead of resisting that force, you redirect it or you flow with it. Yeah
I'm not sure how to describe that in any better terms than that but
it's eliminating the resistance and using the energy of that thing to
actually support your purposes. Yeah and here's something that I've
noticed in my coaching practice. A lot of my clients, obviously they come to
me to get healthy with fear, right? I mean yeah. get a healthy relationship with fear.
Right. And they're something that I've noticed. With almost all of my
clients is that there is a certain element of shame. Oh yeah. With
fear. Sure. If they're feeling fear with something, like maybe they're feeling
fear in their marriage or their parenthood or their workplace and
there's a certain amount of shame that happens like, "am i broken because I feel
so much fear?" Right. And when we know when I mean I've heard you talk about shame. I
mean... Hmm-hmm.. It's not a healthy place to be. Well what if there's a choice to be
somewhere else? Big that. Right, exactly and so once fear
becomes our friend and a part of the adventure that we welcome in, shame has
no place. That shame stands between us and our fear. It's like that communicator,
right? And it's like the final barrier between me and that thing that
Yeah. I don't I don't accept. Yep. Wow that's potentially really powerful.
Potentially. Well if we were to actually practice it right? Exactly, if we knew how
to practice. Which people are going have to watch the other episode for. And we'll do one. Okay so just
as a quick summary. Fear - how to conquer your fear? That's where we started. With
this title. Let's get rid of the whole idea of conquering to start with. Yeah. If
we don't have the agenda of trying to resist or conquer or fight with this
thing then what is the alternative? And you're saying, "well let's see if we can
make friends with it." Yeah, let's bring it in. Let's be with it. Yeah. Let's get to
know it and what it can teach us about ourselves or what direction we might
to go next. Yeah. That eliminates the shame and suddenly we're in a whole
different energy. Hmm-hmm. Which is going to allow us to move forward and
accomplish our goals and to have better relationships and all of that other
stuff that we mean by live on purpose. Yeah
because I tell... I've noticed this time and time again and you tell me if this is
really true to you. Okay. But pretty much everybody who comes to me or either in a
coaching situation or even just a friendship situation, one of the biggest
barriers for them right now to actually living the life that they want, living
in who they know they can be, why is there fear? Oh yeah. I mean whether
that's number one barrier. Yeah. Whether that's fear of talking to the
right people, fear of who you actually are, fear of what people think of you. And
I've actually narrowed it down to two main fears. And this in test. I'm
still testing, this so you... I mean... We'll just help us out. Yeah. Comment
below I'm just going to be a friend. I would love to hear your feedback on this. I
can't wait to see your feedback on this. I've narrowed it down to what I think
are the two base fears. Every other fear is a rabbit hole off of that and I
call a rabbit hole for a reason. We can talk about that another time. The two
fears. Fear of death and fear of what other people think. Hmm... Interesting.
Just let that sync. Yeah. I was thinking fear of not being enough, fear of being
inadequate. But what is that for who? Right. And then that comes back to one
other question. Yeah. Interesting. Now if you got some ideas about that you
can comment down below and we'll love to see that. Yeah. Thank You Chad! Yeah, you're
welcome. You've done some damage here today. Feels good, doesn't it? That you
don't have to fight everything. Maybe you can just embrace it and roll with it. If
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I saw standing in the street alone alone
hands down face like sounds do the phone