Because you found this video, I'm pretty sure you've got some questions about how
to convince overprotective parents to just back off a little bit. Are your
parents being overprotective? I know a lot about parent psychology. Stay tuned.
At the end of this video, you're going to know exactly how your parents are
thinking and that's going to power things up. To figure out how we're going to
convince our parents to back off a little bit, we need to know some things
about parent psychology. I got your back here. I know a lot of parents. I've worked
with a lot of parents. I am a parent, I'm married to a parent. I got this. And I
want you to know the parent psychology because then it's going to change how you
approach your parents. Yeah, if you're a parent and you're watching this, that's
okay. We'll let you be here too. This graph is
going to help us understand how parents think. It's all about the psychology of
control which we're concerned about. And maturity, which our parents are concerned
about. I'll show you what I mean. Control has to do with control over your
own life. And on the graph, you see we can have no control or 100%
control or somewhere in between. And it's usually somewhere in between. Who
controls your life? that's what we're talking about there. Now, this axis is all
about maturity. Meaning how grown up you are. Age is a good example. When you're
first born, how mature are you? Well, not very so we're at
this end of the scale. At birth, how much control do you have over your own life?
Yeah, not much, right? Let's clear down here. Some people say that there's no
control. You can actually make a big noise in a big stink. But that's about it.
Very limited. What about at this end of the maturity
scale? When you are an adult, how much control do you have? Yeah, that's why you
can't wait to be an adult, right? Almost all. Yeah, there's some small print but
we're going to put it up here just for fun. The control line starting at birth and
going through adulthood looks something like this. Where you get to have more and
more control as you become more and more mature. Pretty simple, right? When you're a
baby, you don't have much control. The part
under the line here is the part that you have for yourself. Self-control. The part
over the line is the part that others get to have. Other people are going to take
control of your life. Who? Yeah, that's where your parents come
in. Babies don't have enough control to even survive. And without their parents,
they're toast. Parents are the others who get to share
the control with you. That's why we're having this conversation in the first
place. Now, the thing is parents get trained when you're little to take a lot
of control. And then as you grow up and you become more mature, sometimes they
forget to follow along and they still stay controlling. But there's another
aspect to this that I want you to understand. Because it's not just about
age. It's about stage. So, if we divide this into 3 stages and just think
about stage not age, okay? I'm not talking about age now. I'm talking about stage.
We've got 3 stages here. I'm just going to label those 1, 2 and 3
because that's pretty simple. We can remember that. At stage 1, that's the
least mature. Stage 1 is where you're selfish and self-centred and
you're demanding. It's like, "Give me what I want. I want it now."
There's a sense of entitlement. Like the world owes you something. Okay, I know
you're not like this but this is what stage 1 people are like, okay? Not even
stage 1 people. It's kind of like stage one mode. Like you're in stage one at
that time. There are times when you get selfish and frustrated and annoyed, right?
Yelling, screaming, fighting. That's all stage 1, got it?
Tantrums? How much maturity does it take to throw tantrum? 2-year-olds can
handle that. But so can teenagers, yeah? That's stage 1. Now, let's move to stage
2. Stage 2? It's where you cooperate. Alright? You get along. You try to
negotiate some things so that you can have a win-win solution. You don't want
any trouble, you want to keep the peace. So, that's more of a middle stage and see
how much more control you get? And we get your parents to start backing off on the
control, yeah? Okay. What about stage 3? That's the
responsible stage. At stage 3, you have morals and values and ethics that drive
your behavior. You serve people. You have empathy. Empathy has 2 parts to it. You
understand and care how someone else feels. Those are the 2 parts.
Understanding and caring how other people feel. See at stage 1 you don't
care. You don't care how other people feel. You just want what you want. Stage
3, you care. Because you're more mature.
Tracking all this? Service, empathy, caring, morals, values. Got it? That's stage 3.
It means that you're truly more mature. Now, what do you want? You want control.
You want control over your own life, right? So, nobody else is trying
tell you what to do all the time. Exactly. And I can get behind that. I want you to
have control too. What do your parents want? Control? Yeah, right? You know what? I've
interviewed a lot of parents. They actually don't want control. I remember
this one mom. Her teenage son. I think he was, I don't know 15 or something. I asked
him. I said, "What's going on here? What's the problem?" He points at his mom. "She is
trying to control my life. She's so over controlling all the time!"
And I turned to mom. I'm like, "What's the deal mom? You're trying to control his
life?" She's like, "No, no! I got enough to worry about. I want him to control his
life. So I don't have to." Pay attention to that. Parents don't want control. What do
parents want? Parents want maturity. I guarantee this is true. I know a lot of
parents, I am a parent. They want maturity. They will gladly give up control in
exchange for maturity. If you don't believe that, go ask your parents. Show
them this video. See if they agree that that's what they want. If you show
them you can be mature then they will back off on their control. And they will
stop being over controlling. How can you convince your parents to stop being so
over controlling? Be more mature. Now, there's a little disclaimer I got to
give you. Because I don't want the video to end without you hearing this.
How much sure you are matters. But we got a little catch. Because how controlling
your parents are depends on how mature they think you are. How mature do they
think you are? Because you might be all mature and they're still over
controlling. Well, either they're psychotic
which we haven't ruled out yet. Or something in your behavior is triggering
their thinking toward, "Oh, I don't think my kids being very mature." I tell you
what. If you are yelling and screaming, if you are selfish if you're not taking
care of business the way that you should, they're going to think that you're less
mature. And then they'll get all control crazy on you. And you can't fake it. If
you try to fake it, if you're trying to fake the maturity, they'll be like, "Okay.
What are you trying to get?" Right? And they're not gonna trust it. And they're
going to think that you're less mature. Not more mature. So, it's got to be genuine.
Just try this for a few days. Try this. Go into the kitchen, for example. Just walk
into the kitchen. What do you notice? In the average home on this planet, there
are dishes and messes and clutter in the kitchen. Probably true in your house too.
Walk in there. Are you willing to help your mom with the dishes if she asks?
Well of course you are. Because you're at least on a stage 2, right? You're not
going to say, "No, do it yourself." That's a stage 1 thing. You're going to cooperate.
How much harder would it be to just do the dishes without being asked? How much
harder is that? Now, you might be thinking it's not that much harder. It is a little
harder, okay? I'm going to give you that. It's easier to just say, "Oh, I don't want to do
that." And sneak out. You know that you're gonna do it if you get asked. You're
willing to cooperate. Let's take it up a notch. You can see that they need to be
done. Take care of it. And if you'll do this on a consistent basis, your parents
are going to think that you're more mature. And that's what's going to have them
backing off on the whole over-controlling thing. Give it a try, see
if it works. I think you've got this. Would you please
share this video because you know a whole bunch of people who could really
benefit from knowing this. Be the hero, share it with them.