I am Liang Zhi.
It has been six years since I accepted God's salvation of the last days.
At a democratic election of the church,
I was elected as a church leader.
On hearing this news,
I was taken by surprise and excited,
thinking to myself:
To have been elected as a leader from among so many brothers and sisters
to have responsibility for all of the church's work,
this shows that I'm better than other brothers and sisters!
With this thought, in spite of myself, a sense of superiority welled up within me.
I walked about with head high and chest out,
and I was very confident in communications with brothers and sisters at gatherings.
However, after some time,
I saw that a sister who worked with me was of high caliber,
with a clear train of thought in communicating the truth.
She was able to come to grips with the questions posed by brothers and sisters
and communicate and resolve them,
as well as point out a practical path.
The brothers and sisters all wanted to hear her communication.
Seeing this, I felt envious and jealous.
Unwilling to be outdone,
before each gathering, I homed in on the condition of the brothers and sisters
and had to do meticulous preparation.
I racked my brains to figure out ways to communicate that were more complete
and shed more light than the sister's.
When I finished communicating,
and I saw the brothers and sisters nodding with approval,
I was very pleased with myself and felt a sense of achievement.
If I saw that the reaction of the brothers and sisters was flat,
I felt distressed and lost.
Later on,
I discovered that a brother who partnered with me
was relatively familiar with knowledge of the film industry
and had good computer skills.
I saw that the brothers and sisters who worked together in making gospel films
would often discuss some questions of a professional nature with him,
and I, a responsible church member, couldn't get a word in edgewise.
I felt that I was superfluous to requirements, pushed to one side.
I felt that I had worked very hard, and I was left with a bad taste.
I suspected that the brothers and sisters all communicated with him
whenever something came up.
Did they feel that I wasn't as good as he was?
If only I had this professional knowledge, it would be a lot better.
Wouldn't the brothers and sisters then come to me to discuss any problems they had?
And so,
I would work from dawn to dusk searching for related materials,
studying to gain film knowledge.
While I never grew tired of seeking and keeping busy for the sake of status,
problems appeared continuously in the work of each of the church's teams.
No matter how I set up meetings and communicated, it was all in vain.
I was under so much pressure.
I could scarcely catch my breath.
I thought:
What will the brothers and sisters think of me?
Won't they feel that I as their leader have no qualifications,
that I'm not up to the duty at all?
It appears that my position as leader can't be maintained.
The more I thought about it, the worse I felt.
I was feeling like a deflated rubber ball.
I no longer had the old vigor.
Because I was constantly in a slack, negative state,
I eventually lost the work of the Holy Spirit.
I was replaced because I couldn't do practical work.
At that moment, I felt thoroughly discredited,
dying to find some crevice to crawl into.
At the same time I was suspicious:
Could the brothers and sisters be saying behind my back that I'm a false leader,
scrambling for fame and gain and not doing practical work?
The more I thought along these lines, the more distressed I became,
as if a chorus of critical voices were echoing in my ears.
As evening came,
I would lie in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep a wink.
All I could do was to repeatedly pray to God,
appealing to Him to lead me, to guide me.
I read that God has said:
The word of God exposed the substance of my pursuit of fame, gain, and status,
and I felt pricked in the heart.
I saw that in my own belief in God,
I had not been seeking the truth,
but instead pursuing fame, gain, and status.
This was entirely under the control of my own satanic nature of arrogance and conceit.
I thought that in carrying out my leadership duties with the church,
I had worked for status all along.
Every time I met with brothers and sisters to communicate the word of God,
it was not to hold God up high, to bear witness to God,
to enable brothers and sisters to understand the truth of God's word,
to understand God's intentions,
to know how to practice and enter into the reality of God's words.
Instead, it was to rack my brains:
How could I do a better job of communicating than my partner sister
so that I could get the brothers and sisters to praise and admire me?
I tried to plant my own image in the minds of the brothers and sisters,
so that my status could be more secure.
I saw that my partner brother's professional abilities were superior to mine
and that whatever questions the brothers and sisters had,
they would seek out and communicate with him.
Obviously, they weren't picking me;
I felt jealous of him, so I excluded him,
desperately fearing that the brother would steal my thunder, hog the limelight.
Whenever problems emerged in the church which I could not resolve,
I did not come before God to pray and to rely on God, to look up to God,
nor did I seek the truth together with the brothers and sisters to resolve the problem.
I spent the whole day worrying about changes in my own status.
I feared that if I did not do my work well,
my leadership position would be in jeopardy.
I saw that I was not fulfilling my duty
to pursue the truth and satisfy the intentions of God,
nor was I seeking dispositional change while carrying out my duties,
but instead I turned my duties into a sort of career,
to make myself a cut above the rest,
as a means of making a name for myself.
Therefore, all I could think of was how to show myself off and affirm myself,
to be thought highly of, appreciated,
to fully satisfy my own desire to be held above others.
How was this fulfilling my duties or doing good deeds?
This was completely living for fame, gain, and status!
I saw the words of God:
Reading the word of God, I understood God's intentions.
In setting down a man's outcome,
God does not base it on how high his status is
or how noble his achievements,
or on how much work he has done for God,
how much he has suffered.
Instead, God considers whether or not a man pursues the truth, man gains the truth,
whether his life disposition has changed.
This is most crucial.
I thought about my own belief in God for several years.
I had not worked at all toward seeking the truth and practicing the word of God.
Instead, I had sought fame, gain, and status.
My outlook on what to pursue ran completely counter to the demands of God.
This had led me to not entering the reality of the truth
despite believing in God for several years.
My life disposition had not changed at all.
At gatherings with brothers and sisters,
I spoke little of experience and knowledge of God's word.
I often spoke a few letters and doctrines to fool people.
In the end I lost the work of the Holy Spirit.
There were no results in carrying out my duties.
If I continued to follow a mistaken path,
eventually, I could only be revealed by God and eliminated,
losing the opportunity to receive God's salvation.
Now when I think of my removal as a leader of the church,
I see God's righteous judgment and chastisement.
It is meant to purify the ambitions and desires within me to seek fame and gain,
to lead me to the correct path, seeking the truth.
This is God's salvation of me!
At this time, I couldn't help but come before God to pray:
Oh, God,
thanks be to You for judging and chastising me,
making me recognize the mistaken road down which I have walked
and the consequences of pursuing fame, gain, and status.
Oh, God, I wish to turn back to You,
to put aside fame, gain, and status,
and to choose the path of seeking the truth to comfort Your heart.
After a period of spiritual devotion and self-reflection,
my state began gradually to improve.
Church leaders arranged for me to work,
watering brothers and sisters new in their belief.
I was particularly grateful to God for the chance to fulfill my duty.
I secretly resolved:
I must certainly treasure this opportunity to carry out my duty.
I cannot go down the same road to ruin by seeking fame, gain, and status!
In carrying out my duties afterwards,
whenever I encountered any problems,
I would discuss them with the brothers and sisters, and listen to their suggestions.
When the state of scrambling for fame and gain came out,
I prayed to God.
I consciously read more of God's words on judging man's corrupted essence
and acted according to the word of God.
After experiencing a period in this way,
I felt I had put aside somewhat the desires for fame, gain, and status.
However, because I had been deeply corrupted by Satan,
even though I could for the moment forsake the flesh and practice the truth.
This certainly did not represent real change in my life disposition.
The satanic nature within me of scrambling for fame and gain,
seeking to be high above others,
could not be thoroughly resolved simply by having a little knowledge.
Before I could be cleansed and changed,
I needed to undergo even more of God's judgment and chastisement.
After several months,
God once again set up the environment to reveal and save me.
Because more people were investigating and receiving God's work of the last days,
the work of watering and supporting new people became more busy.
The leaders said that it was necessary to select a team leader
to be responsible for arranging the work.
As soon as I heard this, I began to take stock of myself:
Of the seven brothers and sisters in the team,
I felt that Brother Zhang's work ability was outstanding.
He also had a sense of justice.
He was relatively practical in communicating the truth.
He could positively safeguard the work of the church.
It was most likely that the brother would be chosen team leader.
But then I thought about how I had arranged all of Brother Zhang's work previously
when I was a church leader.
If this time he was selected as team leader,
then I would have to follow his arrangements.
Isn't it obvious then that I'm inferior to him?
What about my face in that case?
As soon as I thought about this, I felt bad.
Come the day of the election,
I tensed up in spite of myself.
There was an endless battle within me:
Who should I vote for? … Brother Zhang?
As soon as I thought about how
brothers and sisters had any difficulties in carrying out their duties,
they would discuss them with him,
I felt very jealous,
and I didn't want to choose him.
What if I vote for myself?
My work ability is not quite up to Brother Zhang's.
If the brothers and sisters don't choose me,
then I can't be the team leader.
At this time, I felt extremely lost.
I even had a malicious thought come into my mind:
I won't be team leader, and I won't let you do it, either.
And so,
I voted for Brother Li with whom I usually got on well,
even though his work ability was somewhat lacking.
But in the end,
Brother Zhang was voted in as team leader.
I was very unhappy when I saw this result,
but later on, I had an unsettled kind of feeling.
On the way home,
I reflected on my thoughts and ideas that had slipped out during the election.
I realized that once again I had fallen into scrambling for fame and gain,
and I felt very worried.
I didn't intend to seek fame and gain,
but whenever something comes up, why do I always fall back into my bad old ways?
I prayed to God in my heart,
beseeching God to enlighten me,
to make me able to find the source of the problem in this matter.
When I returned home,
I saw the words of God:
When I tried to ponder the words of God
I understood the fame, gain, and status that I had pursued all along
was after all the invisible shackles with which Satan binds man.
It was Satan's poison deceiving and corrupting man!
I thought of the earlier time when I hadn't believed in God.
"A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays,
just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies."
"Men should always strive to be better than their contemporaries."
"The more you suffer, the more you will succeed."
"Man moves toward higher places, water flows toward the lowest."
I had made these satanic thoughts and viewpoints into my own rules for existence and maxims.
Having received these satanic thoughts,
I had become particularly arrogant and conceited, enamored of power and status.
I had taken pursuit of fame, gain, and status, and outdoing all others
as the aim of human life,
and battled and worked all out for these.
As long as I could obtain fame, gain, and status,
I could endure pain and exhaustion if needed.
After believing in God, I still pursued fame, gain, and status,
and sought to be superior to others, relying on Satan's poisons.
These had become my nature.
Under the control of a satanic nature,
despite myself, I had rebelled against God and resisted God.
When I thought back on my thoughts and actions during the election,
I felt too ashamed to show my face,
a shame beyond words.
I knew that it was beneficial to the work of the church for Brother Zhang to be team leader,
but I envied the talented and the able, and greatly feared to be surpassed.
And so as to safeguard my own status and face,
I had not given my vote to him.
For me, it would have been better that no suitable person assumed this duty
and the work of the church suffered loss,
than to have elected Brother Zhang.
I saw that I had been profoundly corrupted by Satan.
In order to safeguard my own face and status,
I had adopted vile methods to exclude him,
not in the least accepting God's scrutiny,
having not in the slightest a heart that revered God.
When something came up, I only considered my own face and status,
and I did not in the least safeguard the work of the church.
I was so selfish and vile.
I did not have the slightest humanity.
How could God not be sickened and repulsed?
I thought of what God has said:
I felt that my own state was extremely perilous.
If I went on like this,
I would be an object of cold dismissal and elimination by God.
I thought of the Pharisees who had resisted the Lord Jesus.
In order to protect their status and power in the sacred temple,
they did not in the slightest seek the appearance of the Lord Jesus
and the truth that He expressed.
They blindly resisted and condemned the Lord Jesus.
They even nailed the Lord Jesus to the cross,
with the result that they incurred God's punishment and damnation.
I saw clearly, in my belief in God,
I had not attached importance to seeking the truth, entering into the truth,
but rather I had put all my effort into pursuit of fame, gain, and status.
This was taking the path of the Pharisees resisting God!
When I had thought this far,
I could not help feeling frightened by the mistaken path that I had taken.
I was determined to rid myself of the bonds
and terrible harm to me of fame, gain, and status,
to walk the path of pursuit of the truth and devotion to fulfilling my duties,
and to obtain God's praise.
Afterward, I read God's word:
These words clearly pointed out to me
the aim and direction of conducting myself in life.
My heart was particularly enlightened,
and I knew how to practice complying with God's intentions.
Afterward,
I took the initiative to open up to Brother Zhang
about how I had been living in a state of scrambling for fame and gain,
and envious of him.
I revealed my vile intentions that had slipped out during the election.
After the brother had heard me out,
he certainly did not look down upon me,
but he communicated the truth directed to my state.
He also opened up to me,
talking about his experience and knowledge.
After the communication,
the distance between the brother and I dissipated,
and I felt released and steadfast in my heart.
Later on,
whenever I had any difficulties or problems
that I could not understand in carrying out my duties,
I would actively seek out the brother,
and the brother would patiently communicate and explain things for me.
After a period of time, the results of carrying out my duties improved.
I truly comprehended that
putting aside fame, gain, and status, living by God's word,
facing toward God to accomplish one's own duties
will be blessed by God.
Living in this way is just and honorable.
The heart is steadfast and at peace.
My relationship with God has grown increasingly close.
In October 2017,
the church's annual elections started.
I was elected as a candidate for church leadership.
When I learned this news,
I was not so excited as before,
but instead I adjusted my state of mind to experience God's work.
Taking part in the election was not in order to contend for leadership,
but rather the process of election was an exercise of my own responsibility.
According to the church's principles for selection of leaders,
suitable persons should be elected to the leadership.
If I were elected as a leader,
I would only wish with all sincerity and honesty
to fulfill the duties of created beings to satisfy God.
I would not grieve God's heart as in the past by scrambling for fame and gain.
If I lost the election, I would not blame God.
I would continue to cooperate with God,
and devote all my energies to fulfilling my own duty,
to obey God's orchestration and arrangements.
Because I am originally a created being,
regardless of what duties I undertake they are my responsibility.
I must complete them with all my heart and all my strength.
When the results of the election came out,
I had been voted in as a leader of the church,
but I was not complacent any more.
I no longer felt that I had done well,
that I was better than the brothers and sisters.
On the contrary,
I felt that this was a weighty entrustment and responsibility.
I sensed the expectation that God had placed on me.
I definitely must conscientiously pursue the truth
and cooperate with God to carry out my duties to God's satisfaction
and not fall short of God's love and salvation of me.
The word of God says:
From practical experience, I truly realized:
God's judgment and chastisement are the light that saves man,
and they are God's most true love.
It was the judgment and chastisement, the reproach of God's words
that made me see clearly the grievous harm to me of fame, gain, and status
and stimulated my courage and resolve to seek the truth.
When I put aside fame, gain, and status,
I felt that what I had put aside was not only status,
but also the shackles that Satan had covered my body with.
The deepest parts of my heart obtained
unprecedented peace, joy, relaxation, and release.
Although I now still reveal a corrupted disposition of scrambling for fame and gain,
I am no longer controlled and bound up by it.
I have realized that practicing the truth
enables ridding oneself of the corrupt satanic disposition.
And the more you practice the truth,
the more you are able to live out the likeness of a man and receive God's blessings.
I truly feel
that every tiny bit that God does on me
is the painstaking price God pays for me.
God's salvation to me is so practical.
God's love is enormous and so real!
From now on, I desire to experience God's judgment and chastisement even more,
and to seek the truth,
and as soon as possible to cast off the corrupt satanic disposition,
to comfort God's heart by living out the likeness of a real man.
Thanks be to God for having saved me!
All glory be to Almighty God! Amen!