Captioning provided by MUHSEN (www.muhsen.org)
The small practice of doing Dhikr throughout the day.
That when something good happens say, "Alhamdulillah,"
when something bad happens, you say, "Alhamdulillah," too.
Just the repetition of Alhamdulillah, SubhanAllah,
Bismillah,
it does so much for your perspective.
Just the repetition and the action of, you know, doing it.
You know, it's gonna hit you in your heart somewhere.
(wind blowing)
Rabbi awzi'nee an ashkura ni'matika allatee
an'amta 'alayya wa 'ala walidayya
wa an a'mala salihan tardahu
wa adkhilnee birahmatika fee 'ibadika as-saliheen
So there's the story that I always tell in Hajj
that gets me in trouble.
It's the Hadith of the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
that husbands try to use against their wives.
All right, where he mentions Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam visiting
Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam
And Ismail comes to visit Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam
after Ismail has grown up.
He's married, Ibrahim comes to the house of Ismail,
he has permission from Allah to go check on him.
So he goes to his home
and Ismail is not home,
his wife answers,
his wife does not know that this is her father-in-law.
And her father-in-law does not tell her
that he is her father-in-law,
but she serves this noble looking old man.
And Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam says, "How is your situation?
You know, tell me about your situation."
And all she does is talk about how horrible everything is.
You know, it's terrible.
"We're living in hardship, poverty."
You know, nothing good is coming out of this.
You know, just complaints.
And Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam says to her that
"When your husband comes home, give my Salaam to him,
and tell him that he should change the door to his gate."
(Dr. Omar chuckles)
So Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam comes home,
"How was your day?"
She says, "This old man came by
and very interesting old man.
You know, I served him and he asked me how I was doing,
and I told him about the difficulties
and the hardships we're facing."
And Ismail says, "Did he say anything to you?
Did he relay anything for me?"
She says, "Yes."
She said, "When your husband comes home
that the old man said that
you should change the door on your gate."
So he is like, "I'm sorry, I can't be with you anymore."
(everyone laughs)
So she was the door to the gate, right?
And so later on in the Hadith
Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam goes back and he visits
and this is Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam's wife again.
And he, you know, goes in,
and this is a woman that serves him
and says to him, "Salaam."
And he asked her, "How are you?"
SubhanAllah, same situation.
Nothing has changed about the house,
nothing has changed about their circumstances,
nothing has changed about their poverty.
And she says, "Alhamdulillah, we are doing well."
You know, everything is great.
All she has is good things to say about their situation,
and he's pleased.
And he says to her, "When your husband comes home
give my Salaam to him,
and tell him he should keep the door on his gate."
(Dr. Omar chuckles)
So Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam comes home,
and I'm paraphrasing the Hadith obviously.
And says, "how was your day?"
And she says, "This noble, beautiful, old man came by today.
And I served him and then he asked about our situation,
I told him, Alhamdulillah, how our situation is."
And Ismail says, "Did he say anything to relay to me?
And she said, "Yeah, he said, 'When your husband comes home
give him Salaam and tell him to keep the door on his gate.'"
He says, "Alhamdulillah, I get to keep my wife."
You know, that's really what this boils down to.
Now, first of all, as I tell husbands,
you are not Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam,
(everyone laughs)
Father-in-laws, you are Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam, right?
This is a very unique situation to a Nabi,
to a Prophet of Allah, Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
story about gratitude.
Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam is a person who was grateful
in all circumstances, right?
And Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam is a person who was patient
and grateful in all circumstances.
And I tell people especially when you go to Hajj,
Ibrahim does not like people who complain.
(Dr. Omar chuckles)
He doesn't like people who whine.
Right? You went to Hajj with me,
you remember this, right?
He doesn't like people who whine,
he doesn't like people who complain.
That's not the spirit that Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam
left for us to inherit, right?
People who complain and who whine about their situation.
Now, the power of this though
is that both of these women had the exact same situation
but saw life entirely differently.
What does that say to you about the power of perspective?
- [Antonio] It's so powerful,
I mean, how you reframe it.
Ummm, you know
It's a part of your leadership and your ability
to see what Allah has blessed you with.
I mean, it's the glass half full kind of situation always.
And you can just see so many blessings of what you have
over those that don't.
When we talked about stability, security, progeny,
all these things earlier,
where folks in other countries and, kids and stuff,
they don't have this.
They don't have what we have.
And so, I mean, I wake up very grateful to wake up
and to have everything, all the comforts.
- So the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam said,
"Look at those that have less than you.
Not those who have more than you.
And with your blessings, look at the blessing you have,
not the ones that you don't have."
- [Antonio] Yeah.
- And it's all about what you're seeing, right?
You know what's powerful?
What's the first word you say when you wake up?
"Alhamdulillaahil-lathee ahyaanaa ba' da maa amaatanaa."
Right? All praises be to Allah, Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah you open your eyes as a Muslim
you are to say "Alhamdulillah" right when you wake up,
that's how you're tuned.
All praises be to Allah
who woke me up, who granted me life.
Granted me life after death,
and to Him is our return.
Like I did not even take for granted
that I'm gonna open my eyes today.
And the fact that I opened my eyes,
the very first thing that I say, Alhamdulillah.
And so the whole day should be Hamd.
The whole day should be Alhamdulillah, right?
And the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam said
"man'as baha
whoever wakes up
wa dunya akbarhamahu
And the Dunya is their greatest concern.
The world, the life of this world is their greatest concern.
Ja' Allahu faqrahu bayna 'aynayn
Allah places poverty between their eyes,
they wake up and all they see is poverty
for the rest of their day.
Because the Dunya is their greatest concern.
Life of this world is their greatest concern.
Perspective is off, right?
So they have poverty between their eyes.
It's like if you... Something's skewing your vision.
SubhanAllah if there was something put in front of you,
you should get this you're the eye doctor, right?
(everyone laughs) You know, Masha-Allah.
He puts something in front of your eyes, an object.
And so the object is poverty
and it is skewing your vision for the whole day.
Right?
And the Dunya will escape them anyway,
so they'll chase after it and it's going to escape them.
And whoever wakes up
and the Akhirah, the hereafter is their greatest concern.
Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la puts richness,
self sufficiency, wealth
and Allah gathers for them
their affairs of this Dunya as well.
So Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la facilitates for them as well.
What else does this story, this concept give you
in terms of how you see things,
versus what you have and what you don't have?
- I think about the... You know, just the small practice
of doing Dhikr throughout the day.
That you know when something good happens
you say, "Alhamdulillah."
When something bad happens, you say "Alhamdulillah" too.
And then when you leave out you say "Bismillah",
before you do a certain action
just the repetition of Alhamdulillah, SubhanAllah,
Bismillah,
it does so much for your perspective.
Even when you want to start that practice
and it doesn't really hit you when you start it,
but just the repetition and the action of doing it.
You know, it's gonna hit you in your heart somewhere.
And, you know, with perspective, it does a lot
for your emotional maturity and growth.
- [Dr. Omar] Yeah.
- And it's something that's so little,
but has a huge effect on us.
- The greatest blessing
that Imam Al-Ghazali Rahimu Allah says
Ar Ridha bil qalil
You're so pleased with so little,
because your little is so much.
You're pleased with it, right?
Someone is not pleased with a valley of gold,
another is pleased with a sip of water.
And shukur, gratitude is what the increase is.
SubhanAllah what you mentioned
about Dhikr here is also very powerful
because Dhikr is not just an act of the tongue,
the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
mentions it polishes the heart.
And what sees?
The heart is what sees, and does not see.
The heart is what is blind or has vision.
And Dhikr is what refines the heart that, you know,
when the lens gets fogged,
Dhikr is what's cleaning the lens.
So that you can keep on seeing throughout the day.
So Dhikr is polishing the heart,
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.
How can a person saying "Alhamdulillah" throughout the day
feel anything but gratitude
to Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la throughout the day?
- Yeah, that's really interesting
because like in life coaching
you want to increase in affirmations.
And Dhikr in it of itself is an affirmation.
And it really is supposed to reverse negative perspective.
It's supposed to... If you're doing it right,
you're doing it in the moment of the trigger,
like in the moment that you feel that negativity.
And it starts peeling away
at that limiting belief that you're carrying on.
And there is a power in the Dhikr,
I love that you said that
because it's something that...
Like, when clients come in
that's something that works the best for them.
I think gratitude is what drives action.
If you're not, if you're not grateful for what you have
you're not going to keep on elevating
to the steps of wherever you want to...
Whatever path you want to try to gain.
If you're in a slump,
I mean, you're just going to get deeper
and deeper and deeper into that slump.
And so there's a healing agent in it.
And it's funny that you say like, it's in the heart
because that's something that we...
Again, of course Islam only compliments life coaching,
it's not the other way around.
But it's so interesting
that we have to work on our clients' hearts first
and then their minds
because it's all in the feelings, SubhanAllah.
- If only Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam could life coach.
(everyone laughs) You know, we have the example.
- I honestly think they would be,
they're considered life coaches in my eyes.(laughs)
- [Dr. Omar] Absolutely, there you go, they are.
- [Antonio] They are. Yeah.
- Every single Dua, every word,
every approach, every perspective,
I mean, he was life coaching Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam
and his spouses here, right?
But you know, the extent to which,
when Allah mentions the blessings
that Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam is going through,
and he's mentioning all these blessings upon him.
He says, "Wa idha maritu fahuwa yashfi"
"When I get sick he cures me."
He didn't attribute the illness to
Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la,
he attributed only the cure to Allah.
So even the careful words that he would use
to attribute the blessings to a Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la.
And to be patient with the hardships,
and that's perspective, right?
That perspective makes you so conscious
that even when you express your gratitude
to Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
And some people, you know...
It's like you ask them, how are you?
And they say, "Life is terrible, for this reason
this reason, this reason, this reason, Alhamdulillah."
You gave every reason
that you're not saying "Alhamdulillah"
but then you added an Alhamdulillah at the end
as if it made it somewhat better.
(Dr. Omar laughs)
But it was like you gave all these reasons
why life is not good and complained,
and then at the end, Alhamdulillah.
Like your Alhamdulillah was a complaint.
Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam you see constant gratitude,
And SubhanaAllah, you know
Think about the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
Whose words in history
have been documented like the messenger
SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
Not a single human being comes close.
Can you think of a single Hadith
that even resembles a complaint?
I can't think of one,
one Hadith that even resembles a complaint,
with all that he went through 'Alayhi Salaatu wa Salaam.
And we have everything from him.
I mean, they hung on and documented every single word
of the thousands and thousands and thousands of narrations.
This man, SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam,
who went through all of this,
where do you see complaints?
All you see is gratitude,
gratitude and humility to Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la.
And we pray that we are able to be sustained as well
with that gratitude as children of Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam
and Ismail, Muhammad SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam,
and that we're able to continue
that legacy of gratitude within our lifetime.
So Sister Sarah,
someone says, "Look, I know I have a lot.
I know I should be grateful,
but I'm still not feeling satisfied.
So how do you help me
actually become satisfied and content with what I have?"
- Contentment is one of those elusive goals
that we we all strive for in our lives.
SubhanAllah, and Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah
described it, I think, beautifully,
where he described contentment as the greatest door
to paradise on this Earth and also a door to Jannah.
SubhanAllah. And so I think that's such an apt description
because anybody who's been dissatisfied,
who struggles with feelings of dissatisfaction,
you know how difficult that can feel,
how negative that can feel
and how it almost feels like you're looking at at your life
through a cloudy lens where you only see the negatives.
And so the opposite
of being able to experience a life filled with contentment
is so incredibly joyful and so we all strive for that.
Both for the Dunya benefit, the worldly benefit
that comes with it psychologically,
but then even more,
the spiritual benefit that comes with it.
And Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la tells us
that the reward of a person being content
with Allah, content with their life,
content with a decree of Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
is Jannah, where we're welcomed into Jannah
as Nafsun Muthma'innah, the satisfied self.
And that would not be a reward if it was beyond our control.
And so how do we hone this sense of contentment?
The first thing that's so important to realize is...
Number one, that it is within our control,
is that actually only 10% of our happiness
is based on our life circumstances.
But we all tend to attribute our happiness
to what's going on in our lives.
"Once I get that promotion I'm going to be happy",
"Once I lose those 10 pounds. Once I get married,
once I have children, once I, once I, once I..."
And then once you reach that goal
you feel exactly the same and you can feel hopeless,
like, "Is anything in my life ever going to be enough?"
And the answer to that is no, unless you make it enough,
because our happiness is not reliant on our circumstances.
And we see that in the example of Ismail 'Alayhi Salaam
and his two wives and their experience.
They experience the exact same circumstances
but the way they felt in those circumstances
were completely different.
So acknowledging to ourselves,
whether I complain about something
or whether I'm happy with something,
it doesn't change the circumstances
but it changes how I experience the circumstance.
And that's incredibly powerful.
And one of the things
that I find to be most helpful for me personally
is to create a mindset shift
where I tell myself "I get to do something,"
instead of "I have to do something."
So I get to drive to work.
I get to clean up the mess of my children,
because how many people are unemployed
who wish they could have a job?
How many people don't have children
who wish that they could have children?
And so when you switch your mindset
to "I get to" versus "I have to"
then suddenly even the things that are frustrating
seem like they're filled with blessings.
And so that's one simple thing
that I think can help us to to really reframe
our circumstances and take control
of gaining that sense of contentment, Insha'Allah.
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