MATTY MATHESON: Yo.
I'm Matty Matheson.
And last night, we went up to Markham to visit
our friend Nick Liu.
This is Kung Fu.
We're about to go up to Markham.
He's got a restaurant called Gwai Lo.
NICK LIU: You guys came to pick me up.
MATTY MATHESON: Let's go get hung over.
He took us around town up in Markham.
NICK LIU: A place called Ding Tai Fung.
MATTY MATHESON: They had some sick dishes.
Blood and intestine soup.
NICK LIU: Hand-pulled noodles.
MATTY MATHESON: Cold tendon.
NICK LIU: Jellyfish salad.
MATTY MATHESON: Tripe.
Really authentic dishes that I've never had before.
KUNG FU: That's actually the anus.
NICK LIU: After Ding Tai Fung, we went to Unionville Arms.
MATTY MATHESON: It was Saint Patrick's Day.
Worlds collided.
We met some uptown bumpkins.
Marty.
NICK LIU: Racist.
MARTY: Party with our boys.
Lenny, Peter, Frank, and Gwon Sang.
MATTY MATHESON: Some ginger kid--
NICK LIU: Ginger.
MATTY MATHESON: --and his Colombian girlfriend.
NICK LIU: Semi-hot.
MARTY: A Chinese guy, Asian guy just gave me the "How you
doin'?"
NICK LIU: How you doin'?
MARTY: How you--
[LAUGHS]
NICK LIU: Must have worked for you.
MATTY MATHESON: They made our night really special.
NICK LIU: Matty broke them.
MATTY MATHESON: 34 shots of tequila.
NICK LIU: Crumbled.
MATTY MATHESON: Whiskey, Guinesses.
NICK LIU: Melted into the ground.
MATTY MATHESON: Pitchers of the beer.
There was a lot of drinks.
NICK LIU: We got pretty fucked up.
MATTY MATHESON: And then we went--
NICK LIU: --to a place called Bowl Kee.
The best gwai lo-style food.
It means "foreign devil." Sweet and sour chicken isn't
really a Chinese dish.
This dish does not exist in any Asian country.
But I love it.
MATTY MATHESON: They need fucking Chinese people trying
to make fucking Chinese food for fucking white people.
This rules.
Let's get the fuck out of Markham.
[THEME MUSIC]
MATTY MATHESON: I feel like shit.
I feel like shit this morning.
I slept for five hours.
CAMERA OPERATOR: Yo.
MATTY MATHESON: Wassup?
CAMERA OPERATOR: How you feeling, man?
MATTY MATHESON: Hung over as fuck.
Oh my god.
So we went met up with Nick at his parents' house in
beautiful Markham.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
MATTY MATHESON: This is the worst show ever for people.
Hey, man, want to go get drunk with us?
You're going to have to cook for us the next day--
at your house, preferably.
Good morning.
NICK'S MOTHER: Hi.
MATTY MATHESON: Hi there.
NICK LIU: So this morning, I felt like shit.
I wanted to stab myself in the eyeball when I got your text.
MATTY MATHESON: How you doing?
NICK LIU: We went to T&T.
MATTY MATHESON: So we're at T&T in Markham with Nick Liu.
NICK LIU: Word.
MATTY MATHESON: Gonna get some dumplings and shit.
NICK LIU: Anything you could really want in any type of
Asian food, they've got it.
MATTY MATHESON: Crazy fish tanks full of lobsters that
are as big as this table.
They look like fucking tigers with claws.
Yo, what's that?
Look at the size of that lobster.
That's like a thousand years old.
Then there's gooey duck.
NICK LIU: That's and old-man penis.
MATTY MATHESON: And huge clams.
NICK LIU: Look at these bad boys.
CAMERA OPERATOR: Pick one up.
KUNG FU: [SCREAMS]
Ugh!
He gurgled.
MATTY MATHESON: No.
KUNG FU: He was like, don't touch me.
[GARGLING NOISES]
MATTY MATHESON: It's the sickest fish place I've seen
that's not a wholesale.
NICK LIU: Can we get a half pound?
FISH SELLER: Half pound.
MATTY MATHESON: Going to put this in a fucking Caesar, bro.
MATTY MATHESON: Fucking kimchi and Chinese sausage.
Bringing that shit from Canada to Chinese to Korea.
NICK LIU: I just want to be in bed right now, bro.
I'm sorry.
I love you guys.
But I really do not want to cook for you.
MATTY MATHESON: Nick killed it to help my
fucking psycho hangover.
He made us some homemade dumplings and
some soup, some shrimps.
It was pretty awesome.
NICK LIU: We made a dumpling, which was a scallop and smoked
pork dumpling.
MATTY MATHESON: So I'm just going to cut these scallops up
for old Nick for the dumpling filling.
NICK LIU: Thanks, buddy.
Thanks.
Appreciate that.
MATTY MATHESON: So I'll just make this into mush.
NICK LIU: Yeah.
Chop that up.
While you're doing that, I'm going to make the noodles.
Did a haka-style soup noodle by hand, too.
When I'm making these noodles, this is almost exactly like
making pasta, yeah?
MATTY MATHESON: Right.
NICK LIU: You make a well, and then you put
your eggs in there.
MATTY MATHESON: And you just add water.
NICK LIU: Yeah.
MATTY MATHESON: And just stir it in from the inside.
NICK LIU: Stir it in from the inside.
MATTY MATHESON: So we're just dicing up this smoked ham.
Then we're going to
incorporate it into the scallops.
NICK LIU: Get that really chopped up, man.
MATTY MATHESON: More?
Chop it up more?
NICK LIU: Yeah.
MATTY MATHESON: Oh my gerd.
NICK LIU: Come on.
Like it's ground, bro.
MATTY MATHESON: Cooking hung over, you're always
cooking hung over.
NICK LIU: Yeah.
MATTY MATHESON: It's just a matter of which
level you're at.
NICK LIU: What level are you at right now?
MATTY MATHESON: 100% piece of shit right now.
A bag of shit tied up in the middle.
All this shit is going to make our dicks hard.
Because when you're hung over, the main thing is to
get your dick hard.
NICK LIU: Yeah.
You want your dick really hard.
MATTY MATHESON: You want your dick fucking
as hard as you can.
NICK LIU: Yeah.
MATTY MATHESON: Just for that day, to fuck that day the way
that that night fucked you.
NICK LIU: I want this to be smoky, porky, and scalloppy.
MATTY MATHESON: Yeah.
Scalloppy.
NICK LIU: Now we're going to add some flavorings just to
make this a little different from the shit that you get in
restaurants.
MATTY MATHESON: Throw it all in, right?
Fuck it.
NICK LIU: Matty, do you know how to make a pot sticker?
MATTY MATHESON: Me?
Show me once, please, and I will do it again.
NICK LIU: Yeah?
All right.
So you take these bad boys.
MATTY MATHESON: Yes.
Here's our filling.
NICK LIU: Put that in the filling.
MATTY MATHESON: So I'm just making the egg wash here.
This is going to help the pot sticker stick together when we
deep fry it so it doesn't pop open.
NICK LIU: So you half moon that.
You can put a little more than that in it.
MATTY MATHESON: Okay, sure.
NICK LIU: All right.
Perfect.
That's probably about the perfect amount.
Then we'll bring up right there, and then fold.
Just on one side, though, OK?
MATTY MATHESON: Yeah.
NICK LIU: And then you got a lovely little pot sticker.
Can you do this?
MATTY MATHESON: I don't know.
NICK LIU: Or do I need to get mom?
It's kind of fun to see a bunch of big fat white fingers
do these delicate dumplings.
MATTY MATHESON: And then like that?
NICK LIU: Yeah, bro.
MATTY MATHESON: Those are next.
Gwai lo.
KUNG FU: Shaky hands.
NICK LIU: Oh, wow.
MATTY MATHESON: He needs a drink, bro.
KUNG FU: I don't think I'd last too
long in an Asian kitchen.
NICK LIU: This is how you cook a pot sticker.
You brown them.
You want to make sure they've got a nice color.
And then you'll steam them.
MATTY MATHESON: So when you're hung over here, like, I want
to go eat dumplings, have respect for
those dumpling ladies.
This shit is hard.
I'm going to make some fucking sick cocktails.
I'm going to make some kimchi Caesars.
When you're hung over, always, in Canada, you drink a Caesar.
So I made my take on this with a bunch of crap I found at
T&T. I don't even know what this is.
We're just going to rim our glass.
So that's our rimmer.
UFO rim.
NICK LIU: Everything in this sounds amazing.
It's got razor clams.
MATTY MATHESON: And we're just going to steam these guys and
chill these down.
No one wants hot seafood in their cold drink.
NICK LIU: It had vodka.
MATTY MATHESON: Boom.
NICK LIU: Chinese sweet sausage.
MATTY MATHESON: This one's for Nicky.
NICK LIU: Clamato, kimchi, pickle juice--
sounds pretty ill.
MATTY MATHESON: This is it.
Here, Kung Fu, you're the specialist on booze.
Mmm.
Let me get onto the next one.
KUNG FU: Oh yeah, that's good.
NICK LIU: Aw, Matty's cocktail was disgusting.
It sounded like a great idea, but yeah, it
just tasted like shit.
Oh, god.
MATTY MATHESON: That's good.
That's everything you want in a cocktail.
This thing is the worst thing in the world.
If you drink this, you're a loser.
This noodle is very similar to pasta.
So do you have to roll it as many times, or can you just
roll it once and then put it through?
NICK LIU: Just roll it once and put it through.
I'd say it's pretty--
MATTY MATHESON: You don't have to work it at all?
NICK LIU: I worked it before.
It's pretty worked.
MATTY MATHESON: So you don't want to boil them, eh?
You kind of want to poach them?
NICK LIU: They actually bring them up to a boil, right?
The water up to a boil.
They throw it in.
They'll bring it back up to a boil, and then they'll just
leave it in the water.
MATTY MATHESON: And you rinse it, eh?
NICK LIU: Yeah, I'm just cooling it.
MATTY MATHESON: I went to three Chinese
restaurants last night.
This was the best meal out of all of them.
Fucking dumplings and some sick soup with a
master stock, broth.
NICK LIU: Got to have the fresh stuff.
Fried shrimp.
MATTY MATHESON: This is the fucking breakfast that saves
fucking lives.
NICK LIU: Fried egg.
MATTY MATHESON: People dying in Afghanistan?
You come and eat this, there'll be world peace.
NICK LIU: My mom's siu mais.
MATTY MATHESON: Why can't there be world peace if
everyone eats this?
NICK LIU: And my mom's brown wontons.
MATTY MATHESON: Everyone needs to have this bowl of soup.
NICK LIU: All right.
Eat.
MATTY MATHESON: Oh, fuck.
KUNG FU: This is fucking dope.
MATTY MATHESON: It's so sick.
CAMERA OPERATOR: How good is this?
KUNG FU: Oh yeah.
MATTY MATHESON: Hot fire.
Oh, fuck my life.
No one's talking.
Peace out, hangover.
You are a really fucking loser friend.
Having this stuff prepared by one of my good friends, eating
it at his family's house, it was just an experience that
you can't fake it.
It's one in a million, this shit.
Well, that was one of the best things I've ever had.
NICK LIU: Yeah.
It was a good two days.
MATTY MATHESON: We've been spending way
too much time together.
KUNG FU: You have been way too much lately.
MATTY MATHESON: I know.
Everything you do annoys me.
So I--
KUNG FU: Oh, I bet.
MATTY MATHESON: You're drunk.
KUNG FU: I know.
MATTY MATHESON: You want to break our chair?
You want to break our chair?
I'm fucking 300 pounds.
KUNG FU: I want to break it.
MATTY MATHESON: Why are you--
oh, see?
Now he's drunk again.
That's the worst.
KUNG FU: Hangover's gone!
There's two ways to cure that son of a bitch.