Bitch... Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch
Take your shirt off.
Are you talking to me?
Mac! There you go, omigooood!
So you guys think you're comedic geniuses now. You guys think you're original with your jokes. I'm not even original with mine
So how the hell can you be honestly?
No- I don't- that was mean.
So you guys requested that I should "do porn" for a video on my YouTube channel on the platform YouTube.
You know, the one that's demonetizing videos for just the word "gay" in it?
So instead you guys are getting this shit. An unoriginal video that I did two months ago. So... you're fucking welcome.
Oh- I was originally gonna do this using suggested tweets by you guys from Twitter, but to make this day even more
Weird than it is, Twitter decided- just out of nowhere- "Hey. You made a Twitter when you were 12, right? Like ten years ago, right? Well, bitch,
your account suspended!"
Because of that shit!
Twitter has just suspended my account for breaking their violations 10 years ago!
So let's react to some porn! I feel like I have to do something right now
But I'm totally forgetting I have to do.
BITCH!! I can't! How dare you! How can I be a social media influencer without social media?
Like what is this? I'm freaking out like what am I supposed to do, talk to people now? OH! We have a sponsor!!
*Sputters* Wow, oh my god. This is fun. This is actually something I use a lot. I use it a shit-ton.
I like to save money even though sometimes I act like I don't... even though
Sometimes I try to act like I'm rolling in some shit that I'm not. This video is sponsored by Honey.
Winnie the Pooh is SHAKING.
Winnie the Pooh so excited for this.
I am a gigantic online shopper- you can vouch for that.
Yeah.
And Honey is a perfect extension for those online shopping needs.
What Honey does: Honey is a free online shopping tool. When you go online, and you're shopping online,
You're getting your clothes, your dildo, whatever the hell you want. Am I allowed to say dildos on the internet anymore?
Apparently there's so many rules. My account got suspended bitches. What Honey does.
Honey searches the internet, finds some good-ass
discount codes, pops up right next to whatever you're 'bout to buy being like "Hey! Wanna save money, bitch?"
It automatically puts in the code and then BOOM.
Next thing you know you're saving $75 on a $300 order. That just happened to me 2 days ago. Don't ask. Don't ask.
I mainly use it for online stores like ASO,
HBO shop. My dad loves Game of Thrones so I had to buy him Game of Thrones stuff. It works for like
Dominoes and stuff like that. It literally only takes 2 clicks just to install it. That's what's cool about it. Just go to joinhoney.com/mac
and then click and click and then B I T C H, you're saving $80 on a $400 order. Don't ask.
I spent a lot more money than I should. Just recently, actually,
Honey did save me about, like, $20-$30 on the hotels I was buying on booking.com for San Francisco.
'Cause apparently this weekend's a very popular weekend too, so hotel prices were through the roof. I could not explain it. DOWNLOAD HONEY!
No reason why you shouldn't download Honey right now. You should download it. Click the link in the description or go to joinhoney.com/mac
And just... live your shit! Live. Your shit. Okay now let's move on. Okay, here we go here we go here we go here we go-
I know a lot of black people who do reaction videos. I just realized that. It's not original.
I should keep that in the video. *Laughs*
17 minutes of bad porn intros. Should we? I like how I'm the SECOND video that pops up. My influence. LET'S GO.
Woman: I see you don't have a lifeguard here at your beach!
Mac: Omigosh...
Man: 'Mnot at th' beesh, thissisa BATHTUB.
Mac: Yep, there we go.
Woman: No body of water is safe without a lifeguard.
Mac: My god...
Woman: G'DOUTTA THE WATER THERE'S A SHARK!
Mac: Oh. My god.
Woman: Get outta the water!
Man: There's not a SHARK in the BATHTUB.
Woman: Aren't you glad you had a lifeguard here to save you?
Me too.
Woman: I think I should stay and I think we should have sex.
That's how it works, y'know? That's what you do, you know!
Tell 'em let's have sex and smell them and then there you go.
Should we reenact this?
I'm scared.
Both: *Laughter*
Mac: OH. I AM YOUR LIFEGUARD HERE AT THIS BEACH.
Oliver: This is a bathtub.
Mac: NO INCH OF WATER IS TOO DEEP FOR A LIFEGUARD.
Mac: Whistle blow, whistle blow! Everyone out, there's a shark!
Oliver: Aaaaah.
Mac: I think...
Mac: Whee..
Oliver: And they were roommates.
Both: *Laughter*
Voiceover: *Aggressive humming*
Delete that.
Woman: He is so enthusiastic!
Man: Yeah maybe he should up, take up accounting or law.
Pizzaboi: Now let me prepare it the big sausage way.
*STOMPS*
Lady: Oh its ok lets...
Mac: What... is hAPPENING in this video? Why is he just jumping up and down? What is this video?
Old Man: Hey, come on with the pizza I'm HUNGRY!
Bailey: He's gotta make EVERY pizza perfect, grandpa.
Oh. My God.
Pizzaboi: There you are! Hope you like it BIG SAUSAGE STYLE!
Dick in it.
Woman: EEEEK!
Mac: HIS DICK IS IN IT! Why does this exist? I hahahate everything about this.
I feel like I should be offended by some part of this but y'know what? It's 2018.
Woman: Daddy! I think he's having a heart attack oh my god!
Did they... kill the grandpa?
Nice choice of boyfriends, Bailey!
Is she about to have sex with the man that gave her grandfather a heart attack right after he gave her grandfather a heart attack?
IT'S 2018!
Bailey: Well that's one sausage I'm not gonna let go to waste.
Oh my god. Oh, okay. No, we're not reenacting that one. That one requires too much movement.
*door slams*
Woman: I've broken your car.
Man: You broke my car?
Woman: Yes, I broke your car. So what?
Oh my gosh.
Woman: Fuck you.
Man: What? F-f-f-f-f-f- fuck?
*SHOOK*
Mac: DID YOU SEE THAT!! WHAT WAS THAT!
Old man: F-f-f-f-fuck
*Laughing so hard*
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-
Hes never heard the f word in his entire 85 year old life
Are they going to have sex?
Probably.
You know its 2018 i cant judge
He grabbed her! Okay! Oh, we stand.
*whooo*BITCH! BITCH!
Girl:What do i have to do?
Old Guy:A little suck and fuck.
That's how its done...you know? some times gotta get the bitch brake your car.
"A little suck and a fuck."
HAAAhhhh
Were they speaking English?
YEAH! they were all speaking English. I like how he got surprised for her saying the f-word.
but then he says it back to her like there is no problem.
We Love character development. you know.
it had plot. It had a beginning. it had a ending. it had a middle. it had suspense bitch.
it had conflict. and a PERFECT CONCLUSION.
exactly
Did she say I've been smelling your pussy on my sheets. Does vagina smell?
Yes
*Oliver says a thing...Mac thinks its funny*
"I gave my husband a blowjob the other day and i could taste the pussy on his cock and it wasn't from me."
Does vagina have a taste?
Depends...
DEPENDS ON WHAT?!?!?! How does she know what her vagina taste like? if she hasn't tasted her.........
There going to have sex. this is what...okay whatever
*OVER POWERING MUSIC!!*
what is with this music?
BLOND: Bell you told her!
WHAT IS WITH THIS MUSIC!!
Suck his fucking cock right in front of me, you little bitch! (I don't think I can do--)
What made it even worse *giggling* is just this music.
It's, like, so dramatic
While this woman is forcing this 18 year old girl to suck her husband's penis
If you don't do what I say, I'm going to divorce you.
I am going to take you for everything you have. I have so much shit on you; I could fucking ruin you and you know it.
Is that how straight marriages work?
To recreate that?
Iconic one, this scene everyone's seen. (Porn intro mumblings)
...me too. Imagine: we could make lemonade, key lemon pie, lemon meringue pie...
Key lemon pie; is that a thing?
That's not a thing!
We love a pornstar.
Here she is. (Porn) There she go. (intro) There she go. (noises)
(More porn intro noises) Joanna Angel (I wish I was a lemon)
WHAT WAS THAAAHAHA? Rewind it! Did you hear that?
Porn lemon: I wish I was a lemon.
Mac: Ehe
Porn lemon: Damn lemon stealing whores!
Porn lemon: Hey! (Male porn lemon: HEY, WHAT THE FUCK?!)
Mac: *laughs*
Is it bad that I know that porn star?
Snake handler: You gotta really watch out for the garder snake.
Why does it keep on buffering?
Is a garden snake going to come out and slip into her vagina?
Is that how porn works?
*Non-sexual porn screams*
Is that supposed to be a snaHAHA
*Continuous fake porn snake laughs*
Someone dropped a fake snake from the tree and *laughs* he had to pick it up and pretend *laughs* like it was attacking him!
Scream
Oliver: *unenthusiastic scream*
Mac: Oh no! *laughter*
That's supposed to be a garden snake, bitch?
How much do porn stars get paid?
Rolling around in the dirt with a fake snake pretending like he's being attacked just for a couple hundred; imma need him to question a lot of things.
I mean, there's nothing against doing porn; I'm, like, okay with that.
I mean, I thank you for it, actually.
But like, if they're telling you to roll around in the dirt with a fake snake, maybe...say no.
Oh! You saved me; let's have sex!
(Something about scary snakes) Imma show you another one. Okay?
It's his penis.
That's how it's done! Apparently.
I'm learning a lot about the heterosexual lifestyle, actually.
LIT
She-wolves of the SS.
Oh no. Oh...no.
Hitler: I like that name: Ava. That is my sister's name. Haha.
*shook*
K. Whatever.
Ooooohhhh. I have not seen my sister in many years!
So you're going to have sex with a woman because her name is-- okay. okay.
I am very fond of her. You remind me of my sister Ava.
WOOOOOW. *laughs* Whatever. Okay. It's 2018, you know?!
Hitler: INCEST! HAHAHA
Oliver: Hello?
INCEST! HAHAHA!
*Nazi porn mumblings..* Hitler: Maybe we could replay some of my fondest mem..
Okay, I'm done with this.
This is weird. It's getting weird.
Blonde: Like in the morning.
Mac: *mockingly* Like in the morning
K, we're back. The laptop has cooled, the sun is going down, so is my sense of living...
Thanks, Oliver, for that input!
Oliver: What?
Red: I've got this old man wrapped around my finger.
He believes all the bullshit I tell him!
Yeah! I told him some story about how I was from a broken home.
Mac: Oh, is that the old man?
Doesn't look old.
I mean "gay old" sure. That was mean.
I tak- that's not mean, that's society, bitch. Don't get mad.
Red: If he knew how rich my parents were, he'd have a fucking heart attack!
Mac: We love explanation of plot in 2 seconds. Okay, great!
Shirtless: I was thinking we could maybe have your mother over for dinner next weekend.
Red: She's pretty ill, she's probably in the hospital.
Mac: She's probably in the hospital, I don't kno-- I'm not fully sure!
Shirtless: She suggest that I give the little thief a spanking ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Mac: Oh my gosh.
Red: I knew this was coming.
Oh no. Oh! Oh!
Shirtless: Drop the pants.
Mac: Oh my gosh. K, I'm over this. I think I'm done watching porn intros.
Yikes.
Moral of the story: Whores steal lemons, vaginas apparently have a smell and a taste.
That's what I learned today the most.
Also, Twitter hates me!
Hey, Twitter, verify me, Twitter. Aha. BET.
Comment down below:...
What?
*Laughs*
Twitter killed me. Twitter has just deceased my mind. Like, it put me in a jumble.
Probably a terrible vid, but whatever.
My name is Mac & don't forget to like, share, and subscribé. Bwah with me.
BWAAAAAAAH
Oliver: Hey
Mac: Can you leave now?
Oliver: I'm being used!
Mac: No, I mean, like, actually leave the entire apartment.
Oliver: Alright
*The gayest and most intense outro your ears will ever have the pleasure of listening to*