@Lowen asks: In psychology is there a well-regarded encyclopedia of emotions?
You’re looking for a simple, useful explanation of emotions.
Yeah…that doesn’t exist.
We don’t even have a definition for what an emotion is, at least not one scientists
can agree on.
The problem with defining emotions is we don’t always experience emotions the same way.
Anxiety might make you want to avoid something but it could make me want to over prepare.
Emotions are unpredictable.
Our minds try to understand the sensations in our bodies, the thoughts in our heads,
and the things happening around us.
Emotions somehow emerge out of this soup of stuff.
Sometimes there’s a clear match.
Your best friend moves away, you feel slowed down, you keep thinking about how much worse
things are going to be without your friend, you’re obviously sad.
But sometimes things aren’t so clear.
Let’s say your stomach feels weird, you can’t focus, and your head hurts.
Maybe that’s anxiety.
But it could also be disgust.
You could be hungry or getting sick.
Even if two people are in the exact same situation and have the exact same sensation, they might
experience different emotions.
Imagine two friends in line for a roller coaster.
As they hear people screaming on the ride, their hearts beat faster and faster.
One of is scared.
The other excited.
What do we make of that?
Sometimes emotions just don’t make any sense.
Here’s some peanut butter.
Here is a clean diaper.
If I combine the two and ask you to eat the peanut butter, will you have some?
Even though you know this isn’t poop, I bet you feel disgusted just looking at this.
Okay, let’s put that away so the peanut butter poop doesn’t drop on anything here.
This is why we can’t define emotions.
They’re weird, unreliable, and irrational.
Some psychologists believe they don’t even exist.
This is bonkers!
My whole job is to help people with their emotions.
How can I do that when we’re so clueless about what emotions are?!?
But you want an encyclopedic simple explanation so let me do my best to explain how I understand
emotions and what I do to help my patients with the emotions that always come up in therapy
- fear, anger, and sadness.
Emotions organize your mind and body to move toward something or move away from something.
Just right now when you saw that peanut butter diaper your mind and body were focused on
getting away from the screen.
Emotions help us to take action.
Fear gets us to safety.
Anger pushes us to correct a wrong.
Sadness has us withdraw and reflect on our life.
Emotions communicate information to other people faster than words.
If you’re scared, your face tells the people around you that there’s danger nearby.
Our emotions can even change other people.
If you’re upset and having a bad day, people will probably get out of your way.
If you’re sad, they’ll offer to help.
Emotions are foundation of our intuition and if you understand them, you’ll be better
equipped to navigate school, work, and relationships.
But some of us have a hard time with emotions.
Emotions might feel too intense, like when sadness makes it hard for you to get anything
done in the day.
Or they can limit your life, like when anxiety makes it hard to talk to another person.
Why does this happen?
Some of us are genetically wired to experience emotions more intensely.
Remember those roller coaster kids?
One of them might have been born with anxiety turned up and the other had it turned down.
Some of us grow up in a home where we’re taught to deal with emotions in an unhealthy
way, like we should never cry or the only way you’ll get attention when you’re mad.
Some of us go through tough experiences, like losing a loved one in a traumatic way, and
finding it difficult to think about that person without crying.
For all these reasons, emotions can be uncomfortable.
The problem I see over and over and over again is when people start avoiding uncomfortable
emotions.
Avoiding fear is what leads to phobias.
Suppressing anger is what leads to a temper.
If you don’t deal with your sadness, it can grow into depression.
The way to control your emotions isn’t through avoidance, it’s by getting comfortable being
uncomfortable.
This means REALLY understanding how YOU experience emotions.
Something I do with my patients is watch the first 10 minutes of Up and track our emotions…cause
that movie makes me feel ALL THE FEELS.
I’ll also use sad songs, funny videos, and angry political ads.
The more my patients do this the less less mysterious their emotions become.
My patients also learn that their emotions don’t last forever.
They’re like waves in the ocean – they rise, fall, and then disappear.
Once my patients understand their emotions better, then we can focus on the sensations
that cause them the most discomfort.
If you hate the feeling of a racing heart beat, we’ll do jumping jacks in my office
to get you used to that sensation.
If you hate feeling embarrassed, we might go outside and practice dropping things in
front of a crowd.
Watch my video on exposure therapy for more on that.
If you struggle with anger, I will teach you how to punch a pillow to release your anger.
JUST KIDDING!
I’m never going to do that because it doesn’t work.
It just revs up those sensations in your body, makes you more angry, and puts you at risk
for doing something you might regret.
Instead, I teach people how to tolerate their anger through deep breathing, creating a different
emotion by watching a funny video, or distracting your body by smelling fresh coffee or your
favorite lotion.
I love lavender lotion - it always chills me out.
It’s usually around this time when my patients ask me, “what do I do with all these emotions?”
This turns out to be just as complicated a question as “what are emotions”.
The simplest answer I have is to ask yourself – do my emotions fit the facts?
Is my fear in response to a real danger?
Is my anger the result of a real injustice?
Is my sadness related to a real loss?
If the answer is yes, and if it would help you to act on your emotion, then do it.
If you’re afraid, get to safety.
If your mad, approach the person who’s wronged you.
If you’re sad, take time to reflect on what’s happened.
But if your emotions don’t fit the facts, like there isn’t a real danger, someone
didn’t intentionally harm you, and you aren’t really losing something, or if acting on them
will cause you more problems, then practice acting the opposite of the emotion.
For fear that makes facing the situation.
For anger, tolerate the distress.
For sadness, get active.
I know, this is confusing.
Emotions are weird!
I’m more confused now then before I made this episode.
It’s hard to simplify the complexity of emotions.
But maybe the How Are You Feeling Today poster by Jim Borgman will help.
Or Vox’s Inside Out emotions table.
Or this bodily topography of emotions by Nummenmaa et al. I also like Robert Plutchik’s wheel
of emotions.
One more quick tip – if you want to feel less intense emotions, make sure you take
care of yourself.
The less hungry, thirsty, and sleepy you are, the less pain you have, the less sensations
you experience in your body and consequently the less intense your emotions will be.
Most of the skills I talk about in this video come from dialectical behavior therapy but
if you want an easy introduction into them check out Ellen Forney’s Rock Steady.
What emotions do you want to know more about?
Let me know in the comments below.
Special thanks to @Lowen for submitting this question.
If you have a question, tag it on social media with #ThePsychShowQA.