This man, Matt Gourley is going to be a father,
in just a few days, for the first time.
And you've just gone through this experience,
What do you have to tell them?
I just, I don't know,
I think the most important thing Tak does,
is make sure there's always food in the house.
Okay.
Just make sure that people know Tak is your husband.
Tak is my husband.
You can't just say Tak and people know,
"Oh, right. That's a real name." It's very strange name.
Strange name? No, it is kind of. It is a little strange.
First time you ever told me about him.
You went, "I met this guy I really like, his name's Tak.
Like tack on the board or tic tac toe."
That's what you said.
Yeah.
And I went...
Okay. If you have to explain that name...
Boy, I just realized about what my first name was.
[Sona] I know, yeah. (indistinct crosstalk)
And that's Tak's shortened name.
His real name is Artak.
[Conan] Artak?
Artak, yeah.
[Conan] Artak, Artak.
Yeah, Matt, anyway.
[Conan] Artak. Artak.
[Sona] Do I have, I don't know.
I mean, I think that you just do whatever Amanda says.
(laughs)
Okay. I mean, I'm sort of planning on that.
Yeah.
[Conan] That just happens. Anyway.
I know my wife just took charge,
and she spoke with the ferocity,
and commanding power of Zeus.
She just was like, there was no questioning
what was going to happen.
So, and I think, I don't know,
that must be evolution taking over, you know.
I don't know what happened,
but suddenly I remember feeling like,
"Oh, I am no longer in charge."
And I have not been in charge since.
I don't think I was in charge before we had children,
but certainly not afterwards.
[Sona & Matt] Yeah.
Were you there in the delivery room,
I am presuming, right?
Yes. Yes.
And do you have any advice for me in that sense?
I had a very aggressive,
we had a very aggressive doctor,
who really believed that the husband
should participate fully,
and I just thought that's what everyone did.
So I very much did.
I mean, I helped,
catch my daughter,
and cut the cord, and then same thing with my son.
And so, but I'm not sure everybody does that.
I grew up watching reruns of,
I Love Lucy and shows like that.
And they always, they were shot in black and white,
and men in this situation wore baggy suits,
and they paced around a well-appointed waiting room.
And then passed, were told that there was a baby,
passed around cigars,
and all went out to a nightclub together.
Didn't even look at the baby. (laughs)
Wait, that's not what's happening?
[Conan] That's not what's going to happen.
[Sona] Oh, no!
And so, now we're in this world,
where I felt like I had done seven years after,
after my daughter Neve was born,
I felt like I had been through medical school.
I really just was like,
and I was thinking, "That business of me wearing
a baggy linen suit and heading out to the Stork Club
with Fred Mertz, and having high balls,
and everybody toasting me,
and then dancing the night away to a Latin band.
What happened to that idea?"
But no, that's not what happens.
I had a C-section, and Tak said the same thing.
He's like, "I, should've never looked
on the other side of that sheet."
And he does this thing where he like, it looks like,
you know, the Demogorgon from Stranger Things?
Oh, yeah.
The way he describes it makes me feel like,
that's what my body looked like.
Oh, wow.
[Sona] Yeah.
Very erotic.
I don't know that she was trying to be erotic.
Let's just--
(all laughing)
(indistinct crosstalk)
I don't want to speak for you, Sona.
I was, I was trying to be erotic.
Who am I to know? I apologize, in fact,
it's very alluring.
(Conan laughs)
Say it again, please.
[Sona] That's the beginning of my romance novel.
It's a very sensual time when you're getting a C-section.
(all laugh)
"Who feels like some internal organs?"
That curtain thing that you're talking about,
which, you know, I believe is only present
during a C-section and not vaginal birth.
[Sona] Yes.
No, I had, my wife did not have a C-section,
but I had an old vaudevillian
puppet show curtain brought in.
That's what I keep saying too, like,
Am I going to be backstage,
or in the audience for this?
And the baby came out and went, (vocalizing).
The little curtain parted,
and I had a little band of puppets playing
(vocalizing vaudevillian style)
and then I had a little hat ready
for my daughter just as she came out.
And I went, "Presenting! Neve O'Brian!" (vocalizing)
I was arrested by the way for doing all that.
The hospital shut that shit down right away.
Good, good. That's good.
I do want to take a second
to thank you both for this advice. Seriously.
It has been so helpful.
(Sona laughs)
This is, I feel like I've learned more
than my three birthing classes that Amanda has--
I'm going to try and be sincere for a second,
and I think I can do this.
You can do it.
All right. Here's what I'm going to tell you.
People are going to give you all kinds of advice,
and they're going to try to prepare you,
and I am of the belief that there was no preparing anybody.
It's such a profound change in your life.
Everything goes from black and white to color.
Everything goes from one dimension to nine dimensions.
It's such a big change.
Block out everybody telling you everything.
Just go through this.
And nothing anybody says is going to mean anything to you,
but it is going to be the best thing
you ever do in your life.
It's absolutely transformative and great,
and you're going to be a great dad.
So, I think, you should just go through it.
Don't listen to anybody.
That's, if I can be serious for a second,
that's truly the best advice I've heard,
because I don't know how to articulate
that's something I've been wanting to hear.
'Cause you do get a lot of advice from people.
Yeah.
I feel like in my gut, that sounds right to me,
and I appreciate hearing that very much.
Yeah, no, I'm serious. I'm absolutely serious.
The only thing I tell anybody,
and this is not something you need to know now,
is lots of video, lots of pictures,
because you will never ever think
I have too much video of these guys, you know?
'Cause my wife and I just still go back and I'm so grateful.
We just, you know, and now with, you know,
with iPhones...That's right, maybe I'm--
Speaking of erotic...
I love that. I said,
"I'm going to be sincere for a moment,
and I'm also going to work in a plug for Apple."
Also, is that how it works?
You just say iPhone and you get a free iPhone. iPhone!
iPhone, iPhone, iPhone!
Nice try Sona.
I don't know what the difference is between you and me.
Me neither!
But anyway, Ferrari, my point is--
Corvette.
1911 Taft Stamp.
(all laugh)
I know that stamp!
Take tons of video, but I think all other advice is foolish.
You will know what to do.
Yeah.
Until you don't and then you'll figure it out.
Thank you. Thank you guys.
I will miss you. It's only a month.
I won't be gone long, but I will miss you guys.
I will miss you, so much, you don't even understand!
(Matt laughs)
I have missed you.
I'm seeing on a piece of paper here.
Let me read this. "I will miss you too."
Yes. This was written out by somebody,
parentheses, "Show human emotion."
I believe there's more.
There's another line about a raise for us.
Hey!
Oh, here it is.
Yes, and given the fact that you're both
raising families now,
I feel it appropriate that you be given a raise.
Hey!
It's a raise like no one has ever seen before.
It is a raise. Like no one's ever seen before.
It's so small. It actually puts you-- (laughs)
It can't be seen.
In a much higher tax bracket
without giving you any real increase in your income.
(Matt laughs)
That's nice.
Well, thank you guys.
Yep. Good luck to you. Have fun.
Give all our love to the lovely Amanda,
and go with grace. Go with God.
What?
(Sona laughs)
You had nothing else to say?
Yeah.
I just felt like I wanted something
that sounded a little bit like
I was talking to an astronaut,
who was going into a capsule.
And so, "Go with grace, go with God," is what I had.
Yeah, okay.
And, secure your fireproof suit.
(Sona and Matt laugh)
Oh boy, this is not going well...
This is a mess. It's so good to be back.
We're back! Goodbye!
Goodbye!