And then we're going to go. Let's see. We're going to go to Rob. No, it's Bob.
I need my glasses, Bob in Pennsylvania. Hi, Bobby, are you there?
Hey, how are you doing Joe? Thank you for taking my call. Thank.
You.
Uh, my wife actually left home abruptly about four months ago. Um,
she said during that time she crossed the line with a male coworker.
Um, it turns out as the goal, she was staying with him, uh,
but a week ago yesterday,
she came back home was very genuine and,
you know, said that, that if I would take her back that, you know,
she wanted to put everything behind her and then gone to us. Um,
she ended up moving home for we on Wednesday and you know, her,
her mood was very stable. You know, I, I saw a genuine, you know,
what I felt was very genuine attempt. Um, Wednesday went great.
Thursday went great. Friday, went fine. Um,
Saturday I just noticed something a little off, but nonetheless,
um, at some point in the morning, she told me that she,
um, messages, uh,
what would be the other man and that she thinks that she loves
him, um, which we had had a false start back in November. So when she,
when we talked a week ago, I told her that, you know,
if you're serious about it, you know, I don't,
if you're not a hundred percent serious that you want to at least see where we
can go, or if we have a chance to put this together, please do not move back.
You know, I wanted to get something I guess, kind of worked out. Um,
but nonetheless, we, we, I listened when she told me as much as it hurt to tell,
um, and, and talked to some and afterwards she said, I,
I feel better that I was able to tell you that to get it off my chest. Um,
they night kind of seemed back to, you know, uh, us cooperating, you know, fine.
And yesterday turned into an a big day and she actually, yesterday,
uh, she is very introverted. So she's just, you know,
that's her type of personality, but she actually wanted to,
um, reconnect with my parents who she was very close with.
And I know it took a lot for her to, you know, to do that. Um,
but I guess as amazing as yesterday went,
and I understand this is going to be a process by no means she's grieving and
whatnot,
but how do I keep moving forward or knowing what
she told me Saturday? I mean,
obviously now that's kind of in the back of my mind, you know,
is it the last part of coming down off these chemicals or is it in fact
something I'm going to have to worry about or do I change my focus or I guess
what.
Well, if I knew the answer to every question, I'd be a billionaire.
You do understand that, right? So let me just, and I'm not a billionaire.
So that means, I don't know the answer to every question, everything, I'm,
everything I'm hearing here, Bob, I'm excited about. This is great.
I understand that reconciliation is not like diving into the deep end of the
pool. Reconciliation is like waiting into the shallow end of the pool.
And sometimes there's three steps forward, two steps back one to the side,
two to that side. Then another step forward again,
because of the fact that you're having to reconnect, relearn each other,
and the fact that she was emotionally connected to the guy.
It's a good thing that she can tell you that because if she can't tell you that,
in other words, she tells you that and you react badly. And when I say badly,
I don't mean just the fact that you might get mad and yell at her or things like
that reg badly can also be you just fall apart,
you're sobbing and she's thinking, well, I can't do that again,
either because your reaction to her was negative or because she feels like she
affected you in too negative way, but you handle it now. Sure, sure.
It hurts the hair. That without a doubt, it hurts to hear that,
but you're creating a situation where she can be open and honest and transparent
with you about anything. And it's absolutely normal.
The, when a person's coming out of a relationship with another person,
even if it was, you know, tiny or huge,
as long as there were emotions involved in it,
there's some degree of a grief process,
which means that I've made a decision as to what's right.
That's what I'm going to do. But emotions don't work on logic and emotions.
Like all of a sudden this day, poop, it pops up you, for example,
have you ever had an experience where maybe you're sitting at a traffic light or
something,
remember something embarrassing you did in the eighth grade and get rid of
things all over again. It just happens to people. Okay.
And so understand that emotions can come from anywhere and do any kind of thing.
Everything I hear you hear is positive. I am so excited for you.
If you can continue to be this strong,
if you continue to let her talk and you'd continue to listen,
it's going to hurt. But,
but that you're there and understanding and compassionate,
it's going to magnify the attraction and attraction and attachment that she has
to you. And, and this is going to go really well. Just don't panic.
If you have a bad day or a bad week, it's part of the process.
Remember it shall enter the pool and you're moving around.
You hope to get to the deep water. And I think you will,
you hope to get to the deep water,
but don't panic when it looks like they're backing up a little bit.
You're already in the pool. That's the main thing. And you can get there,
you can do this. You still got pretty intelligent guy to me. Are you?
I try to be, I do try to do as much research. I mean,
I've listened to all of your podcasts and read as much material as I
can. And, and, you know, it's to try to be prepared for this one other, I guess,
on the same subject, Wednesday and Thursday, she was a very, um,
I mean, very, uh, what do I want to say? Uh,
showed a lot of affection. Um, you know, we,
we ended up having sex a few times. Those two days, you know, it was like,
it really was. And I I've heard that in some of the podcasts, the one line.
Right. But since then,
I don't want to say that she's been withdrawn, but I mean,
there's been kissing, there's been hugging. There's been stuff like that,
but it just hasn't, I guess, returned back to that.
Am I best to let her lead in that area or, you know, for this time or.
If it were, I would, because,
because she's going through all these different emotions. Okay.
One thing that to pass passion is fear. And so for example,
leaves had fallen of a sudden, she gets afraid of losing you, like,
Oh my goodness. Then actually she's going to get more passionate.
Or if she gets afraid of anything, fear drives passion.
But passion is also driven by many other things as well. Like, wow,
I'm finally back with you. You actually took me back.
You're forgiving me that also can magnify passion quite a bit.
So rather than trying to analyze, why is she doing that? Why is she doing that?
Just think to yourself, Oh, at least you still affectionate.
We're still hugging some. We're still kissing some, if it were, I,
I wouldn't let her lead on this. And if it comes down to the point,
if you haven't, I don't think you're going to hit any sexual difficulties.
I just think, I think that everything you're doing is working so well.
But if you do hit sexual difficulties,
call us back because I've got some recommendations for that,
but I really don't anticipate that's going to happen. I think my friend,
your things are going, hopefully we'll for you. There's probably,
I don't know how many thousands of people listening to this right now,
who would trade places with you in a heartbeat?
I'm sure I've thought the same thing when I've read the same stories myself.
So I have very scripted and I appreciate all of your,
your you and your organization's work. We've been top notch. Thank you so much.
All right. Thank you very much, hopefully to see it,
the little shop I'd love to love to have you guys at the workshop.
[Inaudible].