I think a lot of you all are dating right now and I think it’s first time dating.
I’m getting a lot of questions about how to date first time questions that are really
important to ask the other person and whether you’re dating on a dating app, Zoom, or
you’re messaging or Face Timing, however you’re meeting, the questions do not change
nor do the areas you should go into when you’re exploring another person for a first time
date.
So, I’m going to give you dating questions and areas that are significant for first time
dates because therapeutically there are areas of a relationship that I already know if you
don’t understand where the other person’s coming from, it’s not going to work.
I don’t care how hot they are.
I don’t care what they look like or what they have or what they drive or where they
live.
These are fundamental questions that are building grounds and they’re going to surprise you.
There are two main areas.
There’s travel and there’s the ability to have a relationship, your goals and how
to ascertain those questions and at the end of this video, I’m going to talk about dating
safety, especially if this is a first time person or relatively new relationship.
This YouTube will be followed up with another one about second areas if you get a second
area.
And then you can space those according to second, third date, or whatever.
Those are significant as well, but these are the first two because if you don’t have
these two locked in and you feel like you get this person like you’re with this person,
I wouldn’t go on a second date because why waste your time?
If you’re serious about wanting a long-term relationship, it’s important that you get
serious with yourself about what matters.
Okay, so travel.
The reason I mention travel is because research study after research study have rated travel
and the ability to what you decide or think about travel as a laying ground for a second
date.
In fact, travel sparked more couples to go on a second date then anything else and it
wasn’t whether they traveled or where they went that mattered, it was how they felt about
travel.
So, these are the questions that I think you should ask on a first date regarding travel.
What amazing adventures have you been on?
And I would say that because you’re trying to get at what is significant to the other
person.
What is the best vacation you’ve ever been on?
Once again, it’s not about where you go.
You’re looking for deeper stuff.
Where is a place you’ve always wanted to go, but have never been?
Once you feel it’s safe to travel again, where is the first place you will go?
Now, these questions are easy, and you notice right away that they’re not open ended.
There are things that are going to draw your partner out.
It’s an easy topic and most people are not afraid to talk about it, so it’s fun, but
I’d really take it seriously if I was dating a person or thinking about dating a person
because those areas are going to be significant.
The next area is the most important and that’s goals and priorities of a relationship.
Once again, if you don’t align on these, then don’t waste your time on a second date
because I don’t care what they look like.
I think these is the guts of the kind of relationship you’re going to have with another person.
What are you looking for in a relationship and if they give you something vague, go deeper?
You want to know if they’re more into just the physical stuff.
What are your thoughts on monogamy?
Once again, very important.
You’re not trying to pin them down or make them feel inadequate.
You want to know, and you have a right to know.
Do you see yourself getting married?
I think that’s very important.
If divorced, how did you like being married?
Very important.
How long have you been single?
Because we make assumptions when we’re with someone and we assume they’ve always been
single or if they say, “Yeah, I was in a really rough relationship a while back.”,
I want to know how long a while back is because many people are afraid to ask.
They’re like Well, I don’t want to get that personal.
Get that personal.
It’s important.
Once again, I’m a therapist and I’m pretending I’m dating for the first time.
These are the do’s and don’ts.
Don’t ignore red flags.
When something someone says makes your gut turn or you’re interested, just jot it down
and you can follow it up later, but mostly if something turns my gut off, I’m not going
to go back again and you probably shouldn’t either.
Stay away from sex.
I know a lot of people say, “Well, we’re married.
We had sex on the first date.”
Sex shouldn’t be recreational.
It should be something intimate and sacred and you can’t explore that on a first or
second or even third date.
It’s showing the other person your value of sex.
So, later, if someone has infidelity and you’re really upset, you must go back to the idea
because they are too.
They’re going to go back to the idea, and they may even remind you.
You were willing to have sex on the first or second date.
I don’t know why this is such a big deal to you.
And they will say that.
So, keep it a big deal to you.
Prioritize it and keep it sacred.
Don’t talk about money.
Remember, this is a first, second date.
You don’t want to bring up money yet.
It’s not important.
It is important later if you start getting serious, but it’s not at this stage in the
game.
Throw away any checklist you have about how the person looks.
This is really important because if you’ve got it in your mind Well, I wanted someone
really tall or someone really dark., you’re going to lose the essence of what the person
is in front of you and that’s a terrible thing to lose.
Avoid yes and no questions.
It’s too easy to answer a yes or no question and this is where vagueness comes in.
So, every question I gave you so far allows a space for the other person to talk and open
up.
Skip the pickup lines.
They look cheesy.
They make you look superficial and they’re not worth it.
It kind of makes your partner feel like you really think they’re at that level and that’s
degrading.
Even if you’re not meaning it to be degrading, it can be.
And do what you need to do so you’re not stressed before you meet.
That might be exercise.
That might be getting together with a friend.
That might be having a hot cup of tea or some other beverage that’ll make you calm down.
Don’t appear drunk.
Don’t use something to make you high or stoned.
Rather, stay in your mind.
Be clear about your intentions.
Lower the stress.
Breathing before you get on is a wise idea.
So, remember, this is your first date video.
How a therapist takes a first date.