- A lot of the questions we've been getting
at Better Together are:
How do I find a single man?
What does this look like?
Where do I begin?
So, single ladies of the panel
or, excuse me, married ladies of the panel.
(laughs)
let's help our single sisters that are watching online
- What does it look like?
How do we even begin that process?
So, for me, I lived in New York City when I met my husband.
And mind you, there's how many billion?
Six, seven billion people in New York City.
My husband's not here.
The word submission means sub mission.
Get under the mission.
Every man just has the same mission.
So, when you accept a ring from a man,
you're accepting the mission
of what that man is coming to do.
And so I would meet a lot of different guys
with a lot of different missions
and I said, I can't get under that.
You look good on Christian paper,
but you're not who I'm supposed to do life with, right?
And I said, Lord, you have to import my husband.
You have to drop him from the sky.
He's not here in New York City.
I read the stats and I understood those different things,
but I knew that God had somebody for me
that we're supposed to together go on and do the work
of the ministry together.
And my husband, I met him at church.
And literally, he-- - In New York?
- In New York, but listen-- - Wow.
- He lived in Atlanta.
He would fly out for work.
He worked at the church.
So he was dropping every week.
So I think it's so funny that the Lord imported my husband.
- He literally dropped him in.
- On our very first date, he said,
and this is what I love, he was 22 years old.
Cornelius said this to me.
He said, are you willing to move to Atlanta?
Because I'm not gonna move up here to New York City.
I'm not trying to be here.
I wanna raise my family down there.
And I said, absolutely.
I can go down to the south.
On our very first date! - Wow.
- We knew right away.
And the thing is, I knew that I didn't need
to go find my spouse.
I felt like if I get busy
about doing what God wants me to do, I'm gonna do it.
He was serving at the church, I was serving at the church.
We walked by each other for three years straight, you guys.
And then literally when we connected, it was so amazing
and I'm like, you've been here for three,
but I wasn't ready and neither was he.
And not only that, he was 19
and I probably wouldn't have dated--
(all laughing)
I'm four years older.
And I would've dated if I was 23.
But I feel like our issue is we're trying to find him.
We're trying to search.
When Adam went to Eve, he said,
he looked at her and he said, you're my wife.
Like he was awakened and saw her.
And I feel like we're trying
to go to Jimmy, John and so and so and wake him up.
Look at me, look at me!
And we're getting frustrated.
- That's right. - Get busy.
I believe doing the work of what God wants you to do
and I believe that--
- He'll make a quality man. - I agree.
- Yeah. - Okay, okay.
So I wanna open up the can of online dating
because we wanna be busy about God's business
which I totally was, but I was in my church
in my field serving, I was in grad school serving.
I was fully independent, but I had like a gecko.
I was like, one eye on Jesus, one eye on the horizon.
(all laughing)
Are you running your race? Can you keep pace? - Yeah
- Eye on the prize. - And there just wasn't,
there wasn't anyone and it was my twin sister who said,
I think you should try online dating.
And I said, I think I need to rebuke the devil in you.
Nope, nope, it's not for me.
- Right.
- And so she had set up an online profile for me
and I wept and I said,
if God parted the Red Sea,
if God brought Rebecca to Isaac,
He can find someone for me.
And Rebecca was in the field and Ruth was in the field
and I'm gonna be in my field!
What I told my sister was,
He could drop someone to my doorstep.
And she said, well I hope you like the UPS man.
- Wow. - 'Cause that's the only
people that are coming to your door!
- So I actually-- - You just had to be
open to that. - I did, I did.
And so-- - You were busy serving
and God led you to that.
- And so, but what does it look like?
'Cause that's not the conversation we're having.
It's like, hey, go to online dating
and you're gonna find someone.
No, don't lose yourself.
Set a boundary, don't lose your identity,
don't put all your hope
that you're gonna find your match online.
But what does it look like to maybe put yourself out there?
The analogy I give is, is your taxi light on?
Because if you're not sparkling,
if you're not letting someone know you're available,
how is someone supposed to know that you're available?
What does it look like to sparkle,
what does it look like to date?
What's our boundaries on dating, y'all?
Jump in.
(laughing)
What do you know about dating?
What do you think about online dating?
What do you think about matchmaking?
- I feel like it's each person specific.
For me, I said, Lord, I didn't wanna meet my spouse online.
That was my thing.
I didn't want people with kids.
Like I had boundaries.
I have a list that I wanted.
Was I willing to adjust it?
I was, but I feel like my girlfriend met her spouse online.
Didn't wanna do it.
That was the very first person
and the only person she went on a date with.
- That was me. - And then she got married.
I feel like God will use online dating.
You know what I mean? - Yes, yes.
- But some people, you've gone on 55 dates.
- Yep, on every app. - On every app!
- You were swiping up, swiping left, swiping right.
You don't even know what you're doing anymore.
- Now I'm just available. - Right!
- No, no. - Are we really led
by the Lord?
Let's just be honest.
Or are you trying to fill a void?
- Yeah. - Right.
- Hi, everybody.
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