Bob's Burgers the world's greatest
barely staying afloat burger joint
wherever it is that Bob's Burgers calls
home
this Oceanside town is home to an
interesting population from the
responsible to the neurotic to the
downright monstrous come on Tina don't
play God it's dangerous but who takes
the cake for the most wholesome and who
gives the devil a run for his money and
where does everyone else fall stick
around and we'll give you the ironclad
zero opinion 100% fact definitive
ranking on the show's characters well
we'll give you our opinion that is I'm
Kyle with wicked binge and this is good
too evil Bob's Burgers but what's the
great thing about the show is that while
it does have its fair share of nutjobs
jerks and monsters it keeps everything
grounded with a genuinely good central
cast the most good and the most selfless
however goes to Bob Belcher
oh what a line hard-working a visionary
in the kitchen all around family man and
reliable friend Bob places first on our
list for good granted our leading man
may be a little grumpy on occasion
especially with three demanding children
and a wife as high-energy as he is
low-key but Bob always pulls through and
does the right thing no matter if it's
dragging a deranged sister-in-law
through a snowstorm going undercover as
an equesticle to save his daughters
chariot doll or toilet-training
Thanksgiving turkey Bob always rises up
to the challenge following in her
father's footsteps is Tina Belcher the
sometimes awkward but crazy shockingly
self-actualized
older sibling of the Belcher gang though
sometimes her pursuit of her oblivious
love interest Jimmy jr. pushes Tina into
selfish territory
she nearly always rises above this in
order to do what's right if all you have
to do is shave your mustache then he can
come from helping her kid sister through
her first boy crush to putting her job
as hall monitor on the line to prove a
friend's innocence or even ghost riding
her Anna
love texts Tina Belcher has a strong
moral compass that only sometimes gets
pulled off course and only if Tina feels
that she hasn't been given her time to
shine still by the end of every episode
she always returns to her moral
stability and obsession with butts but
number three on the good side of the
spectrum is Linda Belcher Linda clocks
in right below Tina because while Bob
and Tina have their selfish moments
they're both highly cognizant of how
their actions affect others Linda
amazing mom and cheerleader for the gang
sometimes has a habit of getting caught
up in her own fantasies and plans at the
expense of others such as taking in a
wild raccoon or getting Bob to go
skinny-dipping in a violent river it's
little King trashmouth still she has a
great knack for putting all that energy
and enthusiasm to good use she'll help
deliver a baby inside her own restaurant
she'll probably hang her sister's
terrible portraits of animal anuses and
she'll fend off a pack of deranged wild
turkeys if it means saving her family
she always believes in the best in
everyone for better or for worse
up next is regular-sized Rudy Louise is
asthmatic classmate regular-sized Rudy a
total sweetheart and a bit of a pushover
regular-sized Rudy routinely gets caught
up in the Belcher gang adventures though
sometimes the Belcher antics push Rudy
into performing more unsavory feats such
as stealing a bounce house they always
come from a place of serving justice a
recurring theme in Rudy's character as
he eventually becomes a hall monitor his
friendship / growing romance with Louise
however complicates his overall good
morality as her chaotic ways influence
him into being a bit more selfish
blast-off which may actually be a good
thing
throwing in a bit of a curveball for
number 5 marshmallow the silkie voiced
lady of the night marshmallow is a bit
of a mystery coming and going like the
wind but she doesn't judge or let anyone
else tell her how to live her life
show me a sweet potato pie I'm on top of
it generous with her time and last
season shoes marshmallow is effortless
in adding charm and occasional help to
the Belcher family making her
extraordinarily unusual life seemed
perfectly normal and routine is a big
part of what makes her so interesting
and hilarious
up next is mr. Branca the school janitor
and another fun bit player he always has
the kids backs when they're in the halls
catwalk Venus dispensing welcome advice
helping students get out of detention
and just all-around being an
understandable pal the janitor is firmly
in the good guy camp the only potential
black mark being he actually was a
president of an unknown country before
being deposed in a coup in my country
before the coup I was president I mean
what q why did it happen who's just
don't occur overnight
what atrocities has he committed and is
a mop and bleach enough to cover them up
we need answers but until then he's
placed among the good guys I think I bet
they're called they seen heading back to
the Belcher family gene we live by the
code are we gene is the middle child who
comedic Lee punches above his weight
class across the seasons more zany then
either Tina or Louise gene has a
sweetness and zest about him that he
clearly derives from his wacky mom Linda
this zaniness lends itself to genes
characteristic uncompromising resolve
that results in either amazing payoffs
such as the two-butted goat or rescuing
the outside toilet from a toilet thief
or awkward situations in which gene has
to atone for selfishness like when he
staged an underground die hard musical
to sabotage his rivals working girl
musical still genes creativity and
passion saved the day as he hastily
pulls together the greatest 80s mashup
musical we never knew we needed work
hard or die trying girl back outside of
the immediate Belcher gang but never far
from a Bob's Burgers barstool Teddy
everyone's favorite well-intentioned
handyman a great friends - Bob a fun
uncle to the kids or as Louise calls him
the
dangerous uncle we never had Teddy's job
as a handyman gives him access to some
high-powered tools that he is only more
than happy to let the Belcher kids wield
he's also the restaurants number-one
customer which while much appreciated by
the Belcher family as they struggle to
pay rent sometimes starts to grate when
Teddy views the restaurant as an
extension of his handyman office his
obliviousness and lack of self-awareness
knock him down a few pegs and the
goodness ranking however and his temper
can quickly test his friendship with Bob
at the end of the day however he can't
stay mad for long because as much as
Bob's Burgers needs Teddy Teddy needs
the love of the Belcher's even more
rounding out our good category Darrell a
Wagstaff math genius with the voice of
an angel a good soul who puts his
talents to good use be it helping Bob
beat in arcade score to remove the name
Bob sux from a video game or attempting
to and failing to get the gang out of a
trapped for Daryl always likes to use
his smarts and talents for good
however he like most teenagers has a
weakness for affection and/or attention
from the opposite sex and has been known
to give up his friends for a shot at
love this coupled with hatching a fake
dating plan with Tina to make his love
interest jealous puts Daryl just a
little bit lower on our list still he's
only a kid and is relatively fewer
appearances wait his actions a little
more strongly than the other characters
now landing somewhere in the good ish
category is Zeke best friend of Tina's
love interest Jimmy jr. Zeke is a good
kid from a bit of a troubled home that
fact he's got windows and I got a
passion for smashing his home life
definitely rubs off on his character
pushing him to pull off some less than
good stunts such as pooping all over
Wagstaff school sticking up swear words
written in toilet paper accidentally
breaking Jimmy juniors penis okay it
sounds pretty bad like he said my family
moves around a lot and to be fair for a
kid that comes from a broken family most
of his antics are just that antics he
acts out because his home life is
great but what he lacks in normalcy he
makes up for with charm off-the-cuff
humor and according to Bob an incredible
palette let's all spit the pit then she
could swim to safety
Zeke always seems to have a revelation
or grasp the moral implications of
whatever shenanigans the kids have
gotten themselves into his friendship
humor habit of taking one for the team
and general acceptance of classmates
more than make up for his destructive
ways of acting out right behind Zeke is
Jimmy jr. as Tina's love interest jimmy
is often seen through rose-coloured
lenses which masks the fact that he's
sort of a self-centered pretty oblivious
boy who happens to have a butt that Tina
likes sometimes a jerk - Tina
sometimes spurned Jimmy's defining
quality is his relationship to others
pretty country now we move from the
goodish category into the less than
stellar part of the spectrum we're not
yet in evil or even bad territory but
we've certainly moved into a neutral
territory that is often defined by a
sense of selfishness and a lack of
self-awareness don't gasp Linda and no
character embodies this sense of strange
obliviousness more than Gayle Linda's
sister Gayle the single hyper neurotic
tortured artist slash cat lover slash
anus painter is too wrapped up in her
own reality to take a breather and
consider a universe without herself as
the center everybody stay calm a
compulsive liar and desperate for
attention she rapidly overstays are
welcomed in any social situation from
forcing Bob and Linda to hanging
paintings of anuses in their restaurants
- feigning an injury to make Bob drag
earth through a sled on Thanksgiving
Gayle can never see the fallout of her
selfish choices she just sees these
choices as the only way to get the
attention that she so desperately craves
about you her mental health issues and
overall oblivious nature keep her from
being truly bad after all she's not
aware of the negative effects of her
actions only their short-term rewards
that she desires short-term indeed
she mentions later her longest lasting
relationship was with mr. frond for a
grand total of two dates
speaking of frond let's talk about the
best intentioned worst executed highly
clueless guidance counselor of Wagstaff
Phillip frond arch-nemesis of Louise mr.
frond truly does want to help the
students of Wagstaff that's a red flag
right there however his desire to help
runs headfirst into his desire for
recognition for being the world's
greatest guidance counselor and it is
this need for recognition that impedes
him from helping the students okay okay
I can see that I'm not getting through
to you two convinced of a superiority of
his therapies frond ignores the
realities of what his students are
dealing with this leaves him open to
exploitation by students such as Louise
who are more than happy to play up his
dreams of guidance counselor recognition
in order to get their way
this leads him to be very distrusting of
the very students that he should be
mentoring all of this combined with his
neuroses and some very dark secrets of
his past I mean how dare you rig a
student election front keep him firmly
neutral at best
next is the wild card sometimes a devil
sometimes a Savior but almost always in
it for herself fan favorite Louise what
sick twisted but really creative kid did
this it's very difficult to rank Louise
because the character is so dynamic a
cutthroat kid who prefers to hatch
dastardly plans rather than pranks
Louise is very self-interested she has a
mean streak a mile wide and a repeated
habit of concocting brilliant revenge
plots on those who wronged her going so
far as the stage an entire Arcade heist
as a decoy from her true heist winning a
prized stuffed mammoth from the man who
wronged her in the first place
confused us - point being though that
Louise wasn't Louise never loses sight
of her goal or the steps she needs to
achieve it
it's the singular focus on victory at
all costs that keeps her as a wild-card
because the outcome of the victory is so
varied
he's closing in on us please smell us
sometimes good sometimes evil the one
thing for sure is she'd never forgive us
if we ranked her as better than front
okay a bit of a speed round edith
cranwinkle co-owner of reflections an
arts and crafts store edith is for no
good reason a cranky and mean person on
Christmas Eve we jacked the prices way
up mean to Bob mean to the kids mean to
her husband Harold Edith is someone to
be avoided at all costs next is Hugo
hammer core the health inspector and
Linda's old boyfriend Hugo hates Bob for
the singular fact that Linda left Hugo
for him and you sir will be going to
jail as a result he uses his power to
harass an abuse Bob whenever possible
still his commitment to his trade is
admirable though him goading Bob into
eating health code violated food to
prove the importance of his job giving
Bob food poisoning in the process is a
pretty evil thing to do keep chewing we
had a deal next Tammy
Tina Belcher's archrival and all-around
popular girl at Wagstaff extremely
self-centered with very little capacity
or desire to change or grow Tammy lives
to enforce social order and make Tina's
life miserable vision like she would
lose her baby happy and willing to force
Tina to be a party planner at her Bat
Mitzvah drink booze underage or even
blackmail Tina Tammy is bad news her
only redeeming quality is her inability
to control her compulsive farting and
her incredible embarrassment that comes
as a result okay on to the final three
Jimmy pesto owner of pesto's pizzeria
and archrival of our man Bob
Jimmy Pablo povitch not even Italian by
the way senior is an arrogant conniving
restaurateur who makes it his life's
goal to make Bob miserable guy's a
complete phony he copies Bob specials he
tries to shut down Bob's restaurant and
he forces Bob to shave his mustache
before his son can come over to Tina's
13th birthday party his cruelty is
rooted in his insecurities as it turns
out his Italian food is of poor quality
whereas Bob's Burgers continued to
attract a loyal crowd for making it his
life's purpose to make Bob miserable
Jimmy pesto earns his low-ranking ready
to shield daddy now run through the
final two fittingly its siblings Andy
and Ollie just kidding those twins are
too disturbing agents of chaos but
they're near alien quality makes them
basically unranked ball next is actually
Calvin the landlord of most of the
unnamed town where Bob's Burgers makes
its home is a deeply disturbed if
financially savvy man you're like a
benign tumor with a little bit of hair
and teeth unmoved by the plight of his
poor tenants mr. fischoeder often uses
his tenants desperation as ways to
further his Harebrained Schemes
while sometimes benign such as forcing
Bob to drive a cab they often become
more deranged like renting out Bob's
family for Thanksgiving while making Bob
serve as his cook and verbally abusing
him in the process and that's just the
tip of the iceberg mr. fish runs a gamut
of dangerous schemes stuffing the turkey
trot with wild and dangerous animals
tossing a malfunctioning mechanical
shark around or encouraging tenants to
ruin and buy out other tenants leases
Calvin fischoeder loves playing God in a
survival of the fittest reality that he
gets to create we're out looking for our
alpaca ow finally the baddest boy in
Bob's Burgers Felix fischoeder
Calvin's younger brother I caught me
here lacking the ruthlessness and
puppetmaster qualities of his older
brother Felix makes up for this with
intense jealousy and paranoia
culminating in his decision to kidnap
Bob and Calvin and imprison them both
underneath the wharf where he'll let the
rising tide drown them
Felix definitely takes things to a dark
level later granted his overwhelming
guilt leads him to have a change of
heart but he still throws the entire
blame on his girlfriend Fanny letting
her go to jail to save his skin covering
for his homicidal brother is none
other than Calvin which proves that
blood really is thicker than water we
can't send him to jail he'd hate it
there who but what do you think with so
many deep characters in Bob's Burgers it
was tough to rank them all from good to
evil who would you pick as the best and
the worst let us know in the comments
section below and also remember to let
us know what cartoon you'd like us to
feature on good to evil next don't
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