hi my name is Brian teda I worked at The Late Show for 11 years I interned in 1997 as Paul
shaffer's music intern I came back in 2004 and I was a talent coordinator a segment producer
a producer and a supervising producer when I first started at the show the idea of booking
the Super Bowl winning quarterback was a huge deal so my first year there I spent more time
booking the winning quarterback of the Super Bowl and in 2004 that was Tom Brady after
I had a couple of Lucky years they started running promos and saying tune in Monday for
the winning quarterback from the Super Bowl and I didn't have it booked every time it
was kind of like a White Knuckle Affair I'd have him on a plane they never got there on
time one time I remember we kept holding the show and he was killing time by throwing passes
to staff members at one point Biff caught a pass but fell off the side of the stage
here now is the the replay of Biff going down and going down hard let's take a look at this
oh pretty ball there's great catch
there he goes apparently he's all right though oh buddy one year Jimmy Fallon was doing his
show live from the Super Bowl and the Giants were in the Super Bowl they were playing the
Patriots so of course everybody wanted to have Eli Manning on the show the next day
and it seemed kind of touch and go whether it was going to happen amazingly the Giants
come back win the Super Bowl and I run onto the field and I find Eli and I go up to him
and I hold myself enough to my ear and I pretend that it's Dave on the phone and I say Eli
hey it's Brian from Letterman I've got Dave on the phone he wants to know you're in tomorrow
right and he just gave me a big thumbs up and said I'll see you there
all right
so I was a stupid pet tricks coordinator it was my first job at the show this was in the
time before YouTube you would travel the country and you would hold auditions usually that
involved me going to like a casino or a car dealership you'd do about five or six auditions
600 people to hope to find one great trick the best trick I ever found was a lovely woman
who had a dog that could say I love you all right Odie we'll say I love you here Odie
I love you I love you
[Applause] I love you I love you I love you I love you
so Donald Trump was somebody that we had on the show pretty often but by the time I was
working there he was always kind of our last resort guest this time we had him on it was
very important and no matter what question we asked him he wanted to make sure that we
talked about his ties at the end but he was talking about how he was worried about China
China was the scourge of the world and everything was a problem and then either I can't remember
who it was but somebody backstage noticed that the ties that he was plugging were made
in China so we got managed to get word to Dave he asked him and you can hear me in the
clip yelling in the background China they're made in China ties were the ties these are
beautiful ties they are great ties the ties are made in where China ties are made into
China
I occasionally made appearances on the show like most of the staff early on I had kind
of one move where I would look nervous and run away apparently I was faster than I look
and people enjoyed that we did a bit where I would come out and costume and Dave would
just say I don't know what this is but we're not doing it so I came out as Captain America
Donald Trump an Easter egg and then on the last day I came out dressed as Queen Elizabeth
Dave just couldn't bear how ridiculous I looked and kind of went off script Brian you look
terrible say hello to your wife just go ahead and say hello to your wife
how long have you been married seven years seven years having a baby oh and you're having
a baby good well say hello to your yet to be born son or daughter
hi it's me Daddy
hi hi it's me Daddy
foreign I don't know what this is but I don't want to do it so thanks at some point when
I was producing share the writers decided to put me into the bit where I was Cher's
biggest fan Cher decided to play along and because she knew me a little she was game
so when the moment happened and Cher walked out instead of walking to the desk she walked
out to the audience and much to my surprise planted a kiss on me in the middle of the
audience
thank you [Applause]
thank you
[Applause] [Music]
this was I guess a success because then they continued the bit and then I became Betty
White's biggest fan
all right [Applause] [Music] [Applause] now stop that get him out of here that's it break
it up go beat it thanks Betty no hey For the Lover [Music]
get in on this for God's sake one of the great pleasures of being a second producer at Letterman
was I got to work with Regis Philbin and I was producing the segment when he was retiring
from uh live with Regis and Kelly lee my idea was that we would give him sort of a rascal
scooter teasing him about being in retirement Dave like the idea of a scooter but he wanted
to get him actually a really nice Vespa and then Dave had the idea that we should have
Regis ride off at the end of the show Regis had never ridden the scooter before it soon
became apparent to me that this was a horrible idea but we were counting down to being back
on live and then seconds later we just went down it was not good he was okay but for a
moment I was concerned that on the eve of his big retirement episode that we had killed
Regis I bought it I'm ready to go first time for that love of God be careful thank you
godspeed Regis Philbin there it goes [Applause]
oh my God [Applause] [Music] thank you for my birthday present oh my God oh my God Jesus
God I'm sorry all right we got one show left and we kill him he's all right yeah he'll
sick about this whole mess one of my deep fears is that Dave decided to quit the show
after I made him do this segment Sylvester Stallone was on he was on to promote the rocky
Musical and in my research on the rocky musical I saw that the characters live on the show
just like Rocky did in the movie would drink raw eggs and so on my pre-interview with Sylvester
Stallone I said to him would you do it on the show and he goes I'll do it if Dave does
it so I went to Dave and Dave said absolutely not under no circumstances am I eating raw
eggs and the show starts and we don't know what's going to happen and immediately Dave
calls for the eggs many do you have to eat well let me see one
[Applause] [Music] [Applause]
[Music] [Applause] [Music]
[Music] [Applause]
hahaha one of the coolest things about working at the show was we had the ability to shut
down 53rd Street you know we decided to shoot Ben Stiller out of a cannon I was hoping it
oh this doesn't oh there he goes
[Music] wow we had the globe of death on the street we had Serena Williams come out and
break the front window of the hello Deli which was amazing one day we went a little too far
and we had a x-game superstar Travis Pastrana on the show I ordered too much dirt for 53rd
Street and the weight of the dirt apparently created severe structural problems that I
believe destroyed 53rd Street for years to come and he's gonna jump over the that and
uh and you know you're not saying you're not supposed to do this to a city street
so Julia Roberts was one of those guests that I always got very nervous to produce because
she had such a long history with Dave I was talking to her and she mentioned kind of offhand
that she was annoyed at Dave because after years and years of him sending her flowers
on her birthday this year he had forgotten and I said oh well maybe there's something
we can do that and she said no I don't want you to tell him I'm going to keep it to myself
and maybe I'll bring it up and maybe I won't so I immediately went to Dave and told him
hey uh Julia Roberts seems a little upset because you didn't send flowers on her birthday
they've kind of laughed to himself and said okay we're going to take care of that
Letterman he has
he has in 15 years [Applause] [Laughter]
I please do not fire your secretary it's the holiday season no no it's it's I was I was
busy I got a lot of things going on prepping for Harry's 10th birthday I'm sorry double
digits is a big deal all right bring in the flowers shut up bring in the fly come on if
she's gonna whine about it bring in the flowers
happy birthday thanks Pat thank you very much
happy birthday I feel like like uh Miss America well you've you you know come on you are Miss
America now tell me why did anybody tell you that you forgot my birthday because I just
mentioned it as a joke earlier and somebody told you because this wasn't no no no no no
way let me just say something I I I'm very sorry about this because in in Show Business
in all honesty there are very few people I care about you you would be one of the people
I truly care about and for bring in the flowers bring in the flower bring them all in for
God's sakes [Applause] [Music]
thank you boys
[Music] [Applause] you know thanks Gene nice job [Applause] [Music] when I was a kid the
one thing in the world I I would have loved more than anything else was to spend the day
with Indiana Jones and Han Solo Harrison Ford was everything to me and then I became a talk
show producer and I realized how challenging Harrison Ford could be he's still the coolest
guy in the world but he's not what you would call an anecdotal person so I would be on
the phone with him for a really long time we'd be going through my research packet I'd
be asking him for stories and really not getting anywhere and starting to panic he was on for
Cowboys and Aliens so I said you know what we're gonna get a horse out there and you
and Dave can ride the horse down 53rd Street and he liked that he said that's great I like
riding horses the one thing you have to promise me is I can't just see the horse for the first
time before I get on it absolutely not a problem so he goes down and we're prepping and the
horses late finally the horse shows up right at the last minute Harrison walks out and
I said Harrison I'm sorry you've got to get on the horse we got to do it right now and
then I was lucky enough to get the Harrison Ford finger pointed in my face and then he
got on the horse and it was great and it was a great segment good luck here we go
[Applause] [Music] all right here we go
[Music]
in the end of the show as things were kind of winding down all the big stars came on
and they all wanted to have a moment and George Clooney came on and he said I have this idea
middle of our interview I want to pull out a pair of handcuffs and throw them on Dave
and uh tell him you know he's not going anywhere let me see your wrist you see that just for
a second here wait a minute what is no no okay oh
wait a minute wait a minute no no no no no no no no no no no no no
no he is gone you're not going anywhere I need to talk to my lawyer that's right you
have the right direction you're not going anywhere David Letterman now George is this
something left over from The Bachelor days then he sat through an entire interview with
Tom Waits with George Clooney sitting off to the side then on the break Dave said that
you know he didn't want to just come up with a key he wanted someone to cut the handcuffs
but they were surprisingly sturdy these big Burly stagehands were trying to do it and
nobody could cut the handcuffs Dave didn't want to hear that in fact he said I want Paul
to cut the handcuffs Paul comes out with the bolt cutters I guess it's like when you know
a car falls on your child and you get superhuman strength giant men could not do this Paul
Shaffer snapped it in one shot oh here we go we're free Tina Fey was another one of
the very last guests on the show she had called with an idea and said I need you to trust
me on this but I'm gonna take my dress off and underneath it I'm gonna have a special
message for Dave this kind of goes against every Instinct you have as a producer you
like to know everything that's going to happen but at the end of the day you trust Tina Fey
the best thing about it was she made a vow on that show that this was the last time she
was ever going to wear a dress on a late night talk show and she has kept that up I watch
every time she's on every single time slacks pantsuit no dress [Applause] I'm wearing a
fancy dress on a talk show and conforming to gender Norms out of respect for you um
I my gift too is I want to give you uh the dress so you can keep it I don't know if you
can help me yeah [Applause] this is it you know it's just
foreign
[Music] [Applause] the last time the Regis was on the show I went to his dressing room
to go over what he's going to talk about in this segment when the dressing room door opened
he was naked from the waist down it was awful [Music]