[MUSIC PLAYING]
But now I do feel like I did mad coke because, like, it
made my nose run a little bit.
So now I'm like, [SNIFFLES].
I'm just like, [SNIFFLES] Yeah, man.
So Goya, so yeah.
So Goya.
So Goya, right?
[LAUGHS] Yeah!
Oh, we back.
We back, baby.
We back at Le Bain, bro.
We at Le Bain.
Yeah!
Gas is down the ones and twos.
Yo, meet me by the pool, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll play Dipset.
Bro, you ever been on the roof, bro?
Bro, on the roof, there's grass.
You can see New Jersey, bro. It's beautiful.
You go look at the-- - Aww, yes.
Yeah [SNORTING].
Bro, bro, you been in the bathroom in the Standard Hotel?
Bro, bro.
Rawr, come on, bro.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, shit.
Jada Pinkett Smith confirms relationship with August
Alsina on "Red Table Talk."
Wow, goddamn.
This shit is messy as fuck.
That's a wild flex coming on your own show
to admit that you was banging someone on the side.
But also, because their marriage has, like,
wild perimeters, and we don't understand how it works.
It's not technically cheating.
Because she was like, it wasn't a full relationship.
She said, he was like an entanglement.
So--
- Ooh. - Like--
An "entanglement?"
That just old--
Yeah, they using legal terms in an argument?
Imagine you go through shorty's phone
and she got to saved as a contact as "entanglement."
Damn!
"Entanglement."
Yo, Mero, entanglement.
And even worse, even worse, you're entanglement two.
You're not even entanglement number one.
Oh!
Damn!
That hurts.
Look-- look at Will.
Look at-- what am I doing here?
Wow!
[LAUGHING]
I think you need to say clearly what happened.
I got into an entanglement with August.
That's what I said.
An "entanglement?"
Yes.
WILL SMITH: [LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING] Yo--
Yo, he's saying, entanglement?
Hmm?
Nah, nah, listen, listen.
I'm very secure in my masculinity.
But I'll be goddamned if is my wife gonna tell me
she was with another guy while sitting
criss-cross applesauce style.
Like, listen, you put legs on the ground, right?
What is this?
You know, like we said previously,
open marriages are like, whatever,
you know what I'm saying?
Like we just said, we don't know the parameters,
you know what I'm saying?
But like, yo, at the end of the day, when the shit hits,
you could tell.
Because you know, the way he just said it, "entanglement?"
Yeah.
Like, that shit hit him.
All that money don't matter.
It don't matter.
Like at the end of the day, open marriages are
great until they're not, OK?
Look at that face right there.
Damn.
The worst part, now Will Smith about to be
the new Crying Jordan meme.
Yo!
Think about it.
We have newfound respect for Jordan after the documentary,
so the new means are kind of respectful.
Damn, hate to see it, will.
Hate to see it. - Damn!
Ah!
I hate it has to be him.
25 years and counting.
We ride together, we got together.
Bad marriage for life!
[LAUGHING]
Wow, wow.
Have you ever you ever had friends--
You, how you been?
He's like, yo.
He's like, he hit the bottom of that shit?
Hey!
You ever have, like--
I don't know, bro.
You ever have friends, and like, they're
like a wild, messy couple.
And then, every time you go out with them,
they have like in-jokes that other couples
find very troubling.
Like, they're like, ah-ha.
Like, ha-ha, like, you know how I cheated on you.
It's like, yeah, that's right.
That's right, you cheated on me, You did.
[LAUGHING]
If you have a friendly phrase or colloquialism
about your bad marriage that ends with a fist bump,
I don't know, you.
I don't know.
You'd be like, yo, you know what they
say about our marriage, right?
That's it.
Fucked up, dog.
Fucked up, fucked up!
[LAUGHING]
Remember that?
Remember that? I need to take the pill.
[LAUGHS]
Honey, honey, what's the difference
between jail and this marriage?
People got out of jail!
[LAUGHING]
That was terrible.
It's the truth!
[LAUGHING]
Damn, Will, hate to see it.
Yo, is he tearing up, bro?
Is he puffy-eyed?
Damn, cuz.
What was that movie?
He looks like that movie where he was living
in the bathroom with his kid.
"Pursuit of Happiness?"
Yes!
[LAUGHS] Yeah, what's his name?
Yo!
Just grow the fro out, B. It's like you're
growing quarantine fro.
You good.
He also looks the way we looked after we saw
that terrible movie on Netflix.
What was it, "Shine," when he was the cop and the trolls?
Oh, man.
Yeah
Oh, god.
Yeah, doesn't feels so good now, does it, Will?
Yo, I just want him lean over across the table
and tell Jada to be like, (AFRICAN ACCENT)
Tell the truth!
[LAUGHS]
Oh, damn.
So wait, are we allowed to laugh at this?
Because they made it public, right?
Like-- I don't care.
This is what we do. This is what we do.
Who cares.
Yeah.
JULIA: Um--
Listen, I mean, they're clearly talking about it.
Think about it.
If Will was our boy, and we found out, like, you know,
his wife was getting dick dropped off,
you know, you'd have to roast them in the chat.
Like, yo, yo, Will son.
Yo, Will.
What happened, nigga.
Yo, yo, if you had three wishes, what would they be?
Yo.
Yo, Will, we hangin' tonight.
I don't know if you want to leave her alone, if you
want to risk that again, yo.
Oh, god.
[LAUGHING]
JULIA:
- Who, Will? - Definitely.
Definitely. JULIA: Yeah.
[INTERPOSING VOICES] JULIA Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
For sure, of course.
But dudes'-- dudes' brains don't function like that.
Like, you could [AUDIO OUT] 20 women behind your wife's back,
and then your wife cheats on you once, and you're like,
oh my god!
Oh, no!
How could you do this to me?
I think maybe Will probably had
an entanglement on his level, you know what I'm saying?
Maybe that's what Will is so outraged about.
He's worked very hard to get to where he's at.
And then, the guy his wife is boning,
what was his biggest song?
Uh--
Beats me, right?
Like, yo, he's not-- look, it's not even Ray J.
It's not even like-- - [CHUCKLING]
It's not T-Pain.
You got no bangers!
When was last time-- when was the last time you've been
in the club and someone was like, Yo,
DJ, play that August with the last
name Desus can't pronounce guy?
So you know--
JULIA:
Which one?
Oh, "I Love This Shit."
OK.
Like, was he talking about Jada? (SCREAMING) No!
[LAUGHING]
JULIA: OK.
That's it, time out!
We are moving on.
We are!
Wow, wow!
Spicy!
Eh!
Mucho, Mucho, Mucho Amor!
Eh, the legend of Walter Mercado.
Walter Mercado.
Out on Netflix July 8.
Which, by the way, cameo by who?
The number one show on late night, only on Showtime.
That's right, we're in there. We're in there.
- You I'm saying?
I haven't got a royalty check from Netflix yet,
but you know, it's OK. It's all right.
We're working.
Astrologer Walter Mercado wanted
Timothee Chalamet to play him in a bio
pic not to be confused with--
Yes!
Not to be confused with bio pic--
bi-poc for--
- My new term. - Yeah, yeah.
Right.
So bisexual people of color.
Keep the two apart?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I got you.
Right here.
So Walter Mercado--
MERO: I mean, obviously-- there's obvious-- there's
an obvious answer.
DESUS: Is that him?
I see it.
I did not understand--
I did not realize that Timotheé Chalamet was Latino.
Is he?
Ooh, no.
I mean, I thought for a second because that--
that is the way a Dominican person would spell Timothée.
DESUS: Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Big-- big--
big--
Am I wrong?
--big just coming to the Yankees energy.
Definitely, like--
Hell, yeah.
Second baseman, right?
Timothée Chalamet.
OK, I am--
I am on MLB.com looking at his stats and everything.
I don't care about--
I don't care if he's legal or anything.
I just want to know can-- bro, can he rake?
Can you rake, bro?
Can he rake? Can he rake?
Bro.
What's his wins above replacement, bro?
Bro.
Yo, Yankee fan-- that's the only time Yankee
fans learn how to pronounce Spanish
words is when they've learned--
MERO: No shit.
--these players.
They'll be like, yo, let me get an "inch-a-lada."
But when it comes to, like, a player's name,
they got it perfectly pronounced.
They'll be like yo, who is Cerredo?
I'm like, yo.
How did you learn to talk like that?
Like whoa, bro.
You know, I'm a big fan.
You know, I like the guy.
I-- I dig in a little bit.
You know, I'm not a casual fan.
DESUS: Can we-- can we take this picture of Walter Mercado
off the screen because it's like flirting with me?
He's--
Yo, he is.
Those are bedroom eyes.
He's like-- he's like, Desus, don't-- don't be embarrassed
just because Julia's here.
I know what you want.
I'm like, Walter.
Like stop, stop.
Walter. - Walter.
JULIA: Who would you cast--
Timothée's right there.
JULIA: --to play him?
Who would I play to play Walter Mercado?
JULIA: Yeah besides Timothée.
Besides Timothée.
Let me see.
I'm sensing this would be very problematic.
JULIA: Mero, Mero.
Mero, Mero, don't do it.
JULIA: Hold it in.
Hold it in.
No, I'm not gonna say it.
Nope.
You know what I'm saying?
DESUS: Who would I-- you know what?
Samantha from "Sex and the City."
Kim Cattrall.
- Kim Cattrall. - Cattrall?
Cattrall?
Kim Cattrall.
Cattrall.
Honey, he won't even get his-- he won't even
get his hand wri-- hand read.
I wanted to do more than that.
Talk about a palm read now.
Honey, there's no crystal balls here.
But I have something else around I'd like to put my hand on.
You don't know, wow.
JULIA: All right, all right, next question.
I have-- I have some ben wa balls.
Ow.
- Is that what they're called? - Ben wa balls?
Yes. - Ben wa balls.
Ben wa balls, yes.
Yes, sir.
Robert DeNiro will be lucky if he makes $7.5 million
this year, lawyers say.
The actor has reportedly taken a financial hit
due to the coronavirus pandemic as his estranged
wife asks for a raise on her credit card limit.
- What? - Ooh.
Yo.
Oh my god.
Bro got problems.
Yo, this--
Problems.
Damn, Bobby.
Listen, we stand with you, Bobby.
We know everyone is going through hard times
right now, so--
Yo, listen, you'll be--
yo, listen-- - Yo.
--you'll be lucky to make $7.5 mill.
Yo, yo, poor B-- yo.
Talk about poverty.
Robert DeNiro--
Robert DeNiro is one film away from being
on the line in front of my building
for World Central Kitchen.
So I-- I don't know.
MERO: Damn.
Damn.
You hate to see it.
Imagine making so much--
Oh, man.
--5 million, and you like, fuck, I'm broke.
Damn.
I took a L. Damn.
I'm popped.
What?
Yo, 7.5 million.
They said he'd be lucky if he makes some 7.5 million
this year.
Most humans are lucky if they make 100 thou
in their lifetime.
Yo, your man--
Yo.
--wow.
And then, ad-- the part about the wife
has a credit card limit.
Like--
Fam, this is wild because this is Robert DeNiro.
No doubt, legendary actor.
Cam Newton is getting paid, like, under $1 million
to be in a 100 car crashes a night.
You see what I'm saying?
If-- if football, you know, starts.
DESUS: Right.
And my man's just like, yo, 7.5.
He can't feed his family on 7.5 million.
How, bro?
How could he do that?
OK.
What was he supposed to do, man?
- You know what I'm saying? - Come on.
Check it.
- He got to call up Scorcese. - Whoa.
Borrow some money from Pesci.
My guy, he probably got to take an Uber.
Oh god.
Oh, man.
He probably-- oh, poor guy.
What's the credit card limit for the wife?
JULIA: It was $50,000 a month.
And she wanted it to be bumped to $100,000 a month.
What?
Yo, Robert, you better talk to Jada.
You better work some things out, yo.
Yo, talk to a lawyer, yo.
Like, yo, like, figure it out, man.
How-- see, this just shows you how my brain is like.
If August-- is August Alsina [BLEEPS] his wife now?
- Listen, I think August-- - Is that why?
--I think August Alsina might be trying to [BLEEPS]
Robert DeNiro after this.
Like, he might get away good.
So wait, If you had a 50,000--
I'm-- I'm asking y'all like y'all have it.
But if you have a $50,000 credit card limit, is that like--
is that, hey, I need to have at least $50,000
available on the credit card every month,
or is that I am definitely spending $50,000--
$50,000 every month?
I think it's the second one. - I believe it's--
I think that--
--I believe it's the latter, sir.
And it says estranged wife, so she probably
just spending it in spite.
Ah, yeah, just not--
buying shit she don't even want.
DESUS: She at the Chanel Store.
She at the Chanel store buying a purse for the lady next to her.
She's like, girl, you know what? I'll get two.
Yeah, go ahead.
It's my-- it's my ex's money.
It don't mean shit.
You know what?
Hey, hey, who want to a purse?
Who want a purse?
Everybody-- - You want a purse?
--everybody in the store getting a purse.
Everybody-- yo, yeah, just ring them all up.
Ring them all up.
Come on, ring them up.
Last name, DeNiro, all right.
DeNiro.
You know, if you speak Spanish, that means money.
His accountant is like uh, Robert,
sorry to make this joke, but apparently you're having
a problem with your DeNiro.
DeNiro.
There's no time for jokes in accounting.
But wait, how much money does Robert
have right now that he's--
JULIA: $500 million.
I'm saying, like, he's got to--
yeah, he-- I'm like, he's sitting on a bag, bro.
He got to "Meet the Fockers." - He got--
--all these movies.
--he got 500 mil, and he over here worried about 7.5 mil.
When you got 500 mil, 7.5 mil become
a $20 bill on the street, OK?
MERO: Fam.
It's like, you don't-- like, you're like, should I
even bend over to pick that up?
Like, it's beneath me.
That's like-- that's like in app purchase money right there.
DESUS: That's right.
And doesn't he own like an island or something?
He probably does.
JULIA: He owns a hotel.
And Nobu and the Greenwich Hotel had to shutter.
You know what island he owns, buddy?
Staten Island.
He's the fucking president of Staten Island.
He's the-- he's the guy.
DESUS: Good, you know, in 2015, he bought Barbuda
off the coast of Antigua.
And they're trying to build a-- - What?
--they're trying to build a hotel there.
And everyone in Antigua was outraged because no one
is supposed to lived there.
So fuck Robert DeNiro.
Also-- also, what was that last movie he made?
"The Irishman?"
Yeah, fuck you for that, too.
MERO: Yeah.
That shit was long as fuck.
JULIA: Is that your neon?
Fuck Robert DeNiro?
Fuck Robert DeNiro, yeah.
I am-- I am the Freddie Gibbs to Robert De Niro's DJ Academiks,
all right?
Robert DeNiro, when I see you in the street,
I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.
I would jump in the sewer to beat you up.
You slap him in the face, he's like, all right.
I deserved that.
JULIA: All right, are you guys ready to start the show?
Let's get it.
Let's get it,
MERO: Let's do it.