Transcriber: Shaimaa Yahia Reviewer: Hani Eldalees
Who would have thought
(Laughing)
that asking three simple questions
that I would have found myself in a paint war.
Doesn’t that look like fun,
Yes, (Laughing)
but before I dive into those three questions,
I want to give you a little of my back story.
Twenty years ago, I was a juvenile diversion officer,
my primary responsibility
was to hold first-time juvenile offenders accountable
for their crimes.
But I wanted our program to be more than a punishment.
I wanted those kids to understand accountability.
And accountability isn't just being responsible for your bad choices.
You're also responsible for your good ones.
You are responsible for your decisions,
your actions and your attitude.
You are responsible for the life you built.
Now, our program was relatively new
and I wanted an evidence-based strategy.
I wanted to know that what we were doing worked.
So I did a little research and I came across the group
called the search Institute. And the Research Institute
at the time had surveyed like over a million kids
and they came up with a list of 40 developmental assets.
Now, these assets were opportunities, skills and values
that when introduced to a child,
they would be more likely to be kind, caring and responsible.
And I looked through this list of 40 developmental assets
and three of them just jumped out at me.
They were under the term Empowerment.
They were number seven, eight, nine on the list.
Number seven was a child will feel valued by his community.
Number eight is a child is given useful roles in the community.
And number nine is that a child will invest at least one hour per per week
serving their community.
And when I looked at these three,
they all spoke of community service.
And community service was a big part of our program.
But what I saw is that the young people in our program
looked at community service as a punishment.
It wasn’t something they wanted to do.
It was something they had to do.
And I wanted to change that.
So This is when I brought in three questions.
Now, I knew it was important for that,
for that young person to be connected to his service project.
It needed to be personal to him.
And so I asked them to look around the community.
What do they see that needs to be fixed, changed or improved?
And when they identified a problem, I asked them these three questions.
Do you play a role?
Can it be changed? and can you change it?
If they answered “yes” to those three questions,
they had an obligation to do something about it.
They might not be able to fix the problem,
but they could move it forward.
And over and over again, I heard the same
the same problem. There's nothing fun for kids to do.
And a lot of these young people were in my program because of alcohol use.
They were partying on the weekends
and when I asked them those three questions,
they said, yes, we had a role.
Yes, it could be changed and yes we could change it.
Their solution was to create the Merick County Youth Council.
We had high school kids who came on board to serve
and they began organizing dances and concerts.
All of their activities were drug and alcohol free events.
And we began to see two things happen.
We saw a decrease in juvenile arrests,
And the young people in our program continue to do service
after they were done with their program.
And I think the most amazing part of their story
Is that this youth council
is still actively serving the community
19 years later.
(Clapping)
Now, this is an example of what happens
when we get three (yes)s with those questions,
But what happens if we get a No? What then?
one night late, I received a telephone call.
It was the hospital calling me.
They had brought in a young lady due to a drug overdose.
This young lady's name was Christy,
and she was in my juvenile diversion program.
I jumped in my car and I raced to the hospital.
I prayed the entire way that I was going to get there in time.
I pulled into the parking lot and I ran inside,
I was told that
Christy had consumed two sheets of over-the-counter cold medication,
16 pills in all.
Her heart was racing at 168 beats per minute
And she was at risk of heart failure.
I don't remember a lot of the chaos that night,
but I do remember when the doctor came back in,
he told us he had her stabilized and she was going to live.
A week later, Christy was out of the hospital and in my office
and she was venting about how much her life sucked,
her dad had a drinking problem
and she had been told it was her fault
and she was just angry and bitter.
I suggested to Christy that she bring her problem to the table
and let's address it with those three questions.
And she was up for the challenge.
So we were looking at her dad's drinking and I said, do you play a role?
And she said, yes. I’ve been told it’s my fault.
Can it be changed? and she said
" yes, I think my dad can stop drinking”
and can you change it?
And here’s where she paused
and she said, “No, Mary, that’s up to my dad”.
I said, “Christy, this only works if we can get three yeses,
and you got a yes, yes and a no. So let’s change it up a little bit.
Let's look at the problem differently.
Let’s make the problem be your attitude about your dad’s drinking and try again”.
So I asked her, “Do you play a role?” and she said, “yes”,
Can it be changed? And she said, “if I want to”
(laughing)
I took that as a yes.
(laughing)
And can you change it?
And she said, “I’m the only one who can”.
And then she got a real stern look on her face and she said, “Mary,
this is really serious. I need more time to think about it”.
And she left my office.
(laughing)
only to come back two weeks later
and she came back a totally different person.
She was happy and just full of energy.
I’m like, what’s going on? (laughing)
She said, “Mary, I’ve given this a lot of thought and I’ve made a decision,
I’m going to go live with my mom”.
Now, this was not an easy decision for her.
She was not just moving to a different house.
This young lady was moving to a different town,
she was going to be attending a different school,
she was leaving all of her friends
and she knew she was giving up some of her freedom
because mom had more rules to follow.
But she did it and her life was transformed.
Because of the success that we were having in this program,
I was invited to speak at a juvenile justice conference.
But when I looked at our success stories that didn't belong to me,
they belonged to those kids. So I didn't go alone.
I took six kids with me and they did the presentation.
They titled it “Give US a Chance and we’ll take the lead”.
They talked about team building, communication,
the power of community service.
And those three simple questions.
Christy, was one of the presenters.
I can remember the day she got up to speak. She was terrified.
Her voice was quivering and she was shaking.
but She did it. She did an awesome job.
If I would be asked today, do I know someone with grit?
I think she’d make the top of the list.
I have stayed in contact with Christy over the years,
she tells me those three questions changed her life.
She still uses them today and she's teaching them to her children.
So I'm going to challenge all of you.
If you have a young person in your life, introduce those three questions to them,
help them to find a community service project
that’s meaningful and personal to them.
If you’re a community leader,
help give a voice to the kids in your community.
Do you have a youth council or a youth advisory board?
I would encourage all communities
to have a recognition program
that celebrates those kids who are doing service,
help them be the problem solvers that they were born to be.
And Who knows, maybe one day you’ll find yourself in a paint war.
Thank you.
(Clapping)