Hello and welcome! My name is Heather, I'm a Registered Professional Counsellor and a
certified life coach and I help people get through difficult breakups that are keeping them stuck
from living their fullest lives. This video is going to be a lot of fun
and it's going to be a little bit different from what I normally post. So this is going to be an
interactive journaling exercise, which means that I'm going to give you some questions to answer
in your journal and you're going to work along with the video. So grab your notebook or journal
and a pen and we'll get started. So when reflecting on your past relationships
it's important to find any patterns. It's easy to skip the reflection part because we simply don't
think about doing it or we just want to move past the breakup and find another relationship
or we get occupied with trying to get our ex back. This reflection process is important to
help you recognize if there's any patterns we should be aware of in our own thoughts
and behavior or see if there's any patterns with the types of people we're in a relationship with
Let me know in the comments below if you already journal on a regular basis or if it's something
you'd like to incorporate more of in your life. I'm going to take you through a series of questions
right now so feel free to pause the video and take all the time you need to answer them honestly.
The first question is: What didn't work in your last relationship. No relationship is
perfect and if you're now broken up that means that there was something already broken in the
relationship. This question is important because you need to have an objective view on your past
relationship and you really need to analyze and look at what worked, but also what didn't work.
Dive deeper and ask yourself why it didn't work. Was this a recurring issue in your past?
How did you try to resolve it? Did you actually try to resolve it or was it ignored?
The next question is: What did you have to sacrifice in order to make the relationship work?
What role did you play in
trying to make that relationship successful? Were there certain things you had to give up? Maybe you
had to move in order to stay in the relationship or stop hanging out with certain friends. Did you
feel that you've lost a part of yourself in the relationship? Often when we are in a relationship
we tend to lose a bit of our identity in order to fit into this new role or new identity of being
the girlfriend or the boyfriend or the partner. Did you change yourself to try to fit into a certain
role or identity that you thought your ex wanted? What else did you give up that looking back on
you are not okay with? Being able to recognize this will help you avoid
these sacrifices in future relationships. Question number three: What do you need to say to your ex
that you didn't say before? Are you holding something back? Maybe there's something that
you've always wanted to say to your ex, but you never had the chance to. Does this need to be said
in order for you to get closure and finally move on? Write it down as if you are talking to your ex
and let everything out with no filter or self-judgment. Write it all out on paper
and you can finally let it go. You don't need to tell your ex these things in person
the act of writing it out can also bring closure. Question four is: What are your fears about life
without your ex? This question is a tough one, but it's crucial to understand what fears you may have
that are holding you back because this question touches on our limiting core
beliefs. More common beliefs I've helped people with in my sessions are "I'm not lovable" or "I'm
not enough", which feeds into the fear of not being able to find someone else or that belief
that you feel that you've lost the love of your life and that no one else is going to love you
like your ex. And once we understand what our limiting beliefs are and how it fuels our fears
we need to understand that our beliefs are a choice. We choose what we want to believe in
and if we realize that our particular belief isn't serving us we can change it.
We have the power and capability to do that. Give me a thumbs up if you are ready to let go
of your limiting beliefs! Any belief you have that is causing you pain or suffering or is holding you
back you have the ability to transform that belief into something positive. You can change that into
something that empowers you. Once you find out what your fears are, you can trace back what those
limiting beliefs are behind the fear and you can change it. Now this can be a little tricky
to be able to do it all by yourself and this is something that I usually help my clients with
in our counseling sessions. The last question is: What do you deserve now in your life and your
future relationship? Think about your future and think about your worth. You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of feeling safe. You are worthy of finding a healthy happy relationship. What
do you need in your next relationship that you are missing in the past relationships?
Where do you want to be in your life? Think about your career, your health, and your overall
well-being and look at your life in a holistic way. Sometimes people can feel bad for wanting certain
things in their life and there's nothing wrong with having standards for yourself and
your future relationships. And the more time you spend on self-improvement and personal development
the more likely that you are able to reach those standards in your life and find people who are
willing to meet them, as well. I hope you enjoyed this video let me know in the comments below
if you want to see more videos like this. Next week, I'm going to be talking about the difference
between coaches and counsellors. There's a lot of misinformation out there and this video is
going to be really informative and it's important for people to know what the main differences are
especially if you're paying for their services and hopefully this can shed some light on that
topic. So make sure you subscribe and hit the bell to get notifications. If you want to learn
more about how to heal from your breakup, make sure you check out my previous videos
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Until then, be kind and love yourself.