Translator: Rosa Sandoval Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
A few years ago,
I was on my way, by foot, to a meeting with my best friend,
and I was running late.
Now, I hate running late, and I knew that she'd be angry,
if I would be.
On my way to the Vondelpark
I saw all these people whizzing about on their bicycles,
and I thought to myself,
"Why just not ask somebody if I can hop on the back with them?"
Asking for help is something I've always found easy,
which sometimes surprises people.
But my rule has always been: if I would do it for the other person,
I also dare to ask the other person to do it for me.
Now, I will do it a lot for other people,
so this gives me enormous freedom to ask almost for anything.
So I stopped this woman --
she was in her mid-twenties, short brown hair,
wearing a long vintage coat --
and I asked if I could hop on the back with her.
And what she said actually surprised me.
She said she lived around the corner,
so getting on the back wouldn't be of much use,
but ...
she was willing to give me her bicycle,
so that I could get to the meeting myself.
How amazing is that?
So she gave me the key, she showed me where her house was,
and than she just took off.
I went to the meeting, I got there on time,
and when I parked the bike in front of the house, later,
I left this note on her saddle, asking her to befriend of me on Facebook,
because I want to write about how helpful she'd been.
And it's this moment that inspired me to start writing about kindness.
For the last five years,
I've been collecting and writing stories of kindness,
about when I was kind to people,
but most of all, about when people were kind to me.
For example, the time when I was living in San Francisco,
when I was sobbing my eyes out, overloaded with work stress,
walking down the street, carrying boxes,
and this hipster guy just came up to me and gave me flowers.
A small bunch of flowers,
that he seemed to have just plucked from the side of the road.
Or, when I was in San Francisco,
and I saw this beautiful armchair, by the side of the road,
and this man, who initially was going in the opposite direction,
volunteered to help me carry it all the way up to the hill with me,
by hand.
Or, the time when I was back in Amsterdam,
and I asked directions to an older man to a supermarket,
because I wanted to get some honey for my yoghurt,
and the supermarket was closed,
and this man went to his own home to fetch a second jar of honey
that he still had there.
Or, even the time last week,
when I went on my big monthly shopping spree,
and when I got to the counter,
it turned out I'd lost all my debit cards.
I asked if somebody could be of help, and this man paid for my groceries,
on the spot
-- trusting that I would, of course, pay him back as soon as I got home.
These are just a few of this multitude of interactions that I've had,
which taught me that ...
kindness is everywhere.
But you have to be open to receiving kindness,
and that, quite often, involves asking a question.
Which leads me to my last story.
And this time I decided to really bank,
to really live this message of asking for help when I needed it.
As I said, I was living in San Francisco for a while.
I had been asked to set up the American division
of a thriving Dutch start-up.
It was an incredible adventure, I was 28, I could move to Silicon Valley.
Six month into it, I was completely lost.
When I turned 29, I made a cardboard sign that said,
"Today is my 29th birthday.
I would love your wisdom and advice:
what most I do or not before turning 30?"
I went to Union Square, which is in the middle of the city.
I sat down on a chair, placed the board next to me on a chair,
and I was flooded with responses.
It was incredible.
For the entire day,
people that I'd never met came and shared their life stories with me
and their life advice.
I had a beatiful conversation
with a man who said he too had felt very lost
and had changed the course of his life,
after a conversation with his grandparents.
He said, "If you ever lose track,
just ask your grandmother
what were you talking about when you were 10,
because when you're 10,
you don't worry what your spouse thinks of you,
what your parents expect of you...
Other advice ranged from ...
buy a high-powered microscope,
because a world will open itself in front of your eyes,
to a man who just stood in front of me and said,
"Just say yes, just always say yes."
This is the tip of the iceberg,
but until this day, it is the best thing I ever did.
In conclusion, my invitation to you,
maybe now more than ever,
is to remind yourself, even prove to yourself --
I'm getting emotional,
because I want to convey the message so much --
is that people are kind.
So next time when you are in need of some kindness:
(Sobbing)
dare to ask.
Thank you.
(Applause)