Though somewhat similar to last year's graduating class.
this year's class is unique. Like last year's graduates, this year's class has experienced the
radical disruption of the traditional collegiate experience caused by the Covid pandemic,
but unlike last year's class you have seen the recent welcome signs of a return to normal
as witnessed by the packed Marriott Center in which we are assembled today.
As we've gathered more frequently and in larger numbers these past few months, there seems to be
renewed energy and a feeling of closeness that was lacking when the pandemic was raging.
That different feeling can largely be explained by one word: propinquity. The dictionary defines
propinquity as the state of being close to someone or something or more simply nearness.
Now while the term is not often heard in general conversations, today the propinquity effect has
been studied and debated among psychologists and sociologists for more than seven decades.
According to the American Psychological Association dictionary of psychology, the
propinquity effect is "the tendency of individuals to form close relationships with people they
repeatedly encounter. That is, the more often one comes into contact with another person the more
likely it is that one will form a friendship or romantic relationship with that person."
This phenomenon, this propinquity effect, was first theorized by three professors
who noted among other things that residents of an apartment building living near a stairway
tend to have more friends from other floors than those living further from the stairway. The theory
was that this was because those living near the stairway had more contact with those from other
floors who were using the stairs. The propinquity effect has been observed in a number of different
settings from the workplace. What some call occupational propinquity in neighborhoods, what
is referred to as residential propinquity in colleges, which are called classroom propinquity,
and even in love romantic propinquity. Relationships seems to develop and prosper
when people are physically with each other often: when there is propinquity. My graduation advice
to you consists of three things you can do to make propinquity more a positive factor in your lives.
First consciously seek in-person contact with others. I hope our use of technology which has
allowed us to meet in the digital world during the pandemic does not alter our appreciation of
truly being physically present with others. While social media can expand the number of people with
whom we associate, and while studies suggest that some kind of virtual propinquity can exist,
research also shows that online friendships are lower in quality than offline, in-person
friendships and that moving from online to offline communication channels such as face-to-face
is an important step towards increasing the closeness in relationships.
In a world where relationships are increasingly ephemeral and digital
it's important to take the time and effort to visit face to face where the propinquity
effect can have full positive impact. As former US diplomat George Bell was fond of saying when
explaining why face-to-face meetings were so important, "nothing pro-pinks like propinquity.”
Second, consciously seek positive in-person interaction with those with whom you disagree.
We live in a time when it is easy to associate only with those whose views correspond with our
own, and algorithms drive us in that direction. In the digital world, it's also a time in
which people are increasingly polarized with respect to their views on almost every issue.
Our prophet, President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly pleaded recently,
pleaded with us to end conflicts in our personal lives. Propinquity can help us in that regard.
As one source explained, as we meet people in person, often we get to know about them and their
nature. We understand them and want to meet them more often. We develop a close bond. Propinquity
makes a huge difference in the trust and respect you have for each other. Let me suggest in this
regard that serving with others can have a multiplier impact on the propinquity effect.
If our in-person interaction with those with whom we disagree include serving
with them in some common endeavor, the relationship will deepen and be more enduring.
As President M. Russell Ballard observed, “When we serve together, we realize that our similarities
are stronger than our differences." Frequent close interaction while serving with others will not
only bless those we serve, but also create bonds of propinquity that will help us deal positively
with our differences. Finally and most importantly the propinquity effect can have the largest impact
on us if we apply it to our relationship with the Savior. While literal face-to-face contact with
Christ may be rare during our mortal existence, Christ invites us to have regular and frequent
close communication and contact with him with the promise that our relationship with him will
deepen and strengthen as a result. "Draw near unto me," he promises, "and I will draw near unto you."
Recent studies have suggested that the causal direction of the propinquity effect goes both
ways. While the classic theory postulates that being close to someone increases one's
desire to be with that person, more recent studies provide support for the idea that
an increase in one's desire to be with another decreases the perceived distance between the two.
The Lord's promise that as we draw closer to him he will draw closer to us seems to extend
beyond mere perception of closeness to him. It points to the day either in this life or the next
when we will see him face to face, a form of eternal propinquity. The propinquity effect
thus adds new meaning to President Nelson's recent admonition that we seek daily experiences
worshiping the Lord and studying his gospel and that we give him a fair share of our time
as we follow that prophetic counsel. We can experience true propinquity as we draw closer to
and become more like the Savior. So as you finish this stage of your BYU experience, I urge you to
take full advantage of propinquity, that you spend more in-person time coming to know your family,
your friends, and your perceived antagonist, and especially the Savior. I promise that as you do
so, your lives will be richer and more joyful, and I so promise in the name of Jesus Christ amen.