I'm the Blair Witch and this is my project. It's day 20 of self-isolation and day 10 of
people pestering me to watch Tiger King. I don't have to watch it. I was there with my
weirdo sex cult. Good people, good people. But today, I want to take a break from covering
coronavirus to talk about how Carole probably murdered her husband. No, I'm just kidding.
There's no escaping it! But specifically, I want to talk about how coronavirus is affecting
the laaaaaadiiiessss!!! Pew pew pew pew! Those were my pets. The answer is: not great.
For starters, women are more likely than men to have jobs that put them at greater risk
of infection, like cashiers, pharmacy workers, and flight attendants. Flight attendants have
a difficult job in the best of circumstances. But right now, the only people flying are
doctors, scientists, and one full idiot who is refusing to cancel his bachelor party.
Anyone who works an essential job is in danger right now, but no one is risking more than
nurses, 89% of whom are women. Nurses have a higher risk of exposure to COVID-19—even
more than doctors, because they're more likely to be involved with the intimate care of patients.
- I spoke with two nurses, and they say that they have never seen anything like this.
- Right now, our emergency room is about 95% with COVID patients. So, it's like you're
walking into a war zone. We should not have to worry about rationing our masks, gowns,
and gloves. - Will you continue to go to work even if
the PPE runs out and you have to improvise? - I can totally picture myself and my coworkers
working together with bandanas, because that's what we do, and that's what we wanna do, and
that's what we will do. This is complete and utter bulls—! Healthcare
workers are putting their lives on the line to save ours. They shouldn't be forced to
protect themselves using stuff they found in their garage. Trust me, no one wants to
wake up to find their nurse is dressed like Michael Myers—both Michael Myers! Women
are also more financially vulnerable during this crisis. They're more likely to be low-wage
and part-time workers, who are the first to be laid off when their companies shut down.
Especially if they waited tables at Facetouchers. It didn't make sense for a restaurant then,
and it really doesn't make sense for a restaurant now. And it's not just the service industry.
Domestic workers are now seeing jobs disappear as families cancel cleaning and nannying services,
with no end in sight. And a lot of domestic work is performed by undocumented immigrants,
who don't qualify for unemployment benefits or stimulus checks, despite the fact that
they pay billions of dollars in federal taxes every year. America: come for the low paying
jobs with no security, stay for the quarantines. No really, you have to stay now. I know that's
confusing, I'm so sorry! Meanwhile, women who are able to work from
home still face huge challenges. The division of labor between cisgender, straight couples
has always been lopsided. Take a look at this quaint, long-ago news clip from February 15
of this year. - So here we are in the year 2020, in an enlightened
society that clearly sees the roles of men and women with 20/20 vision as equals, right?
According to a new gallup poll, despite the fact that women are working more hours, pursuing
careers and taking care of the kids, women are still more likely than men to take on
the dreaded domestic drudgery. Oh my god, I can't tell you what that clip
said. I blacked out as soon as I saw the crowd in the first two seconds. Get out of there,
people! Grab all the Clorox wipes you can find and hide them in a hole! You have no
idea what is coming for you! Prior to the pandemic, women spent about an hour more per
day than men on housework. The good news is, at least there's less laundry, because everyone's
wearing the same sweatpants 14 days in a row. I've been wearing mine so long, my butt now
just says “ICY.” And now, as families isolate together, the division of household
labor is becoming more pronounced, with women feeling the stress maybe more acutely than
men. Parents have to balance working from home with caregiving, meal-planning, and suddenly
being expected to lovingly bathe their groceries like they're a pussy before a third date.
If it goes in the mouth, wash it down south. And for expectant mothers, this is an especially
scary time. Last month, multiple hospitals instituted policies banning birthing partners
from delivery rooms. Though Governor Cuomo later issued an executive order permitting
support partners, the damage was already done. And not just in terms of the uptick in sales
of birthing support Wilsons. First, that volleyball had to watch Tom Hanks jerk it. Now this!
Hey, it's okay to make a joke about Tom Hanks. He's recovered and he's a sexual creature.
Look, it's scary enough to give birth when there's not a pandemic. But right now, parents
are understandably anxious, and the demand for home births is rising.
- A number of pregnant women are now rethinking their delivery plan as they worry about their
safety. - We decided to do a home birth because we
wanted to be together. - We're getting swamped.
- Calls to this midwife surging. - Every day, all day, into the night, of women
asking if they’re appropriate for out-of-hospital birth and if we have space.
Midwives are getting booked up faster than the Cheesecake Factory during prom season.
Well, not this prom season. This year's prom is on Zoom, and the theme is Don't Die. While
home births may be the answer for some people, they're not a choice you should feel compelled
to make because of a pandemic. And in a country that isn't set up to support home birth, they
can be risky. Somewhere between 23% and 37% of first-time moms attempting home births
end up transferring to a hospital. And 5% of those were just because of how weird it
felt to have their dog looking at them like that. Some parents are taking even more drastic
measures than giving birth at home. - Right now we are making plans and making
contingency plans. Some of my clients are planning on leaving the city altogether. Some
are going as far as Indiana or Rhode Island to seek medical services elsewhere.
Just to reiterate, women in New york opted to go to Indiana to have more choice about
their pregnancy. That's how f— up things are. Which brings me to this: some states
are now using COVID-19 as an excuse to restrict access to abortion. Because of course they
are. - Well, Texas tonight moving to ban most abortions
due to the coronavirus pandemic. - Tonight we have learned that Tennessee and
Mississippi are among the states that will consider abortions non-essential.
- The Ohio Attorney General ordering a Cleveland women's clinic to stop performing elective
surgical abortions. - Planned Parenthood and the ACLU are suing
Iowa governor Kim Reynolds. - Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt says this
executive order includes any type of abortion service thats not an emergency.
- Alabama’s Attorney General says abortion clinics are not exempt from the new state
health order and are required to shut down. Some of these restrictions are being challenged,
but that can't happen quickly enough. Before a judge blocked its ban, Texas abruptly canceled
around 150 abortions, with some women traveling hundreds of miles to clinics, only to be turned
away. Now if you're say, a dude, and can't quite empathize, let me put this in terms
you might understand. Imagine driving hours to see your favorite band—which, if you're
a middle-aged white guy, I assume is Pearl Jam. It's the only chance you'll ever have
to see Pearl Jam play live, and if you don't get to see Pearl Jam play live now, your life
will never be the same! But then, when you finally get to the concert, Pearl Jam refuses
to go on! You're devastated! And then, Eddie Vedder forces you to have a f— baby. You'd
be like, not cool, Eddie Vedder! The idea that any abortion isn't essential is medically
irresponsible! Not having access to safe and legal abortion is scary, dangerous, and can
even be lethal. And for victims of domestic abuse, so is just staying at home.
- Many of us are staying home because of the coronavirus, but what if home is also a dangerous
place? - Violence increases when you have circumstances
such as unemployment and isolation. Unseen victims suffer out of public view behind
doors kept shut to keep out the virus. Calls for domestic help are up 10% in recent weeks
here. - When people are cooped up together and times
are even more stressful, we know that intimate partner abuse and domestic violence situations
will increase. While self-isolation is a must to prevent
the spread of coronavirus, for the more than 10 million Americans who experience domestic
violence every year—the majority of whom are women—it's a worst-case scenario. Stuck
at home with their abusers, victims have fewer options to escape, and they aren't around
friends and family who might notice warning signs of abuse. Fortunately, in-person support
groups are being replaced by virtual ones, and hotlines, like the one below, can help.
Listen, talking about the way women are being hurt by this pandemic is hard. Talking about
it from a backyard that basically looks like the set of a horror movie makes it even harder.
COVID-19 hasn't created new problems for women. It's just exacerbated the old ones. We need
to do a lot more for women during this crisis—starting with getting us all an emotional support Wilson.
If Tom Hanks can jerk it in front of his, so can I, goddamnit!