He's Brett Kreischer.
And he's Tom Segura.
- And we're best friends. - And we're best friends.
Should we do that again?
I can't get through this.
Oh.
Okay.
What'd you have?
Politician.
Oh, I put cleaning boats in Tampa.
There's a spectrum in there,
- I'm sure I'd be somewhere in the middle. - Yeah.
I'm right, you know I'm right.
Cleaning boats in Tampa.
"Aye, Kreischer."
"Aye man, there's some barnacles
on the back of that one! Get back in there."
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
- oh, oh, oh. - You just write it, you just write it.
Hold on, hold on.
Okay.
Okay, taxidermy.
Hmm, I put selling serial killer tour maps.
Close, same same.
You know, this is where Dahmer lived.
Oooh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Hold on.
Okay.
Okay, what did you put?
Gerard Depardieu.
- I put Gerard Depardieu. - Yeah!
You guys have a similar
- lifestyle, look, - Yeah.
approach to life, you have fun.
Yeah, Gerard Depardieu.
It's like we talked about this before we did it.
I know. Ahh.
- Okay. - Well hold on, I'm trying to
'cause I don't wanna disrepresent your Latino heritage.
Oh shit, I didn't think about that,
so you don't have to either.
That's a lot of writing.
Okay, who would play Tom?
I put... Ethan Suplee.
I put Zac Efron.
I put Ethan Suplee before his weight loss.
I put Zac 'cause we have like a similar,
like style, like approach.
Yeah, I can see that.
And shoulders,
- like our shoulders. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
like him in Baywatch.
- You know what I mean? - Yo, uhh, uh huh.
Okay, I'll go, you ready?
- Yeah. - No you go first.
I put breakfast of champs,
- Okay. Okay. - 'cause I like breakfast. Cum hard.
Oh, I'm gonna put that in mine.
Yeah.
- Uh, true crime doc. - Yeah.
Treat, like brownies or doughnuts or something.
Edible. Sleep.
Okay, I put coffee, burger, powerlifting,
pizza, coffee, chicken wings, podcast, coffee.
Coffee, Italian food, edibles, and now cum hard.
Dude, I think you got me better than I got me.
That's actually more accurate.
Ooh, now I'm getting fucking hungry.
I went with your breakfast sandwich.
- Oh, fuck. - Oh, I did Italian
turkey with extra mayo.
That's awesome.
If you get the spicy Italian at Subway
- and add turkey and ham, - Yeah.
it's like a fucking awesome sandwich.
There's your first problem right there Momo,
you can't get a Italian sub from Subway.
I put suck its dick.
I put scream and run
'cause you would do exactly what they tell you not to do.
You would scream as loud as possible, run,
and then when it was attacking you,
you'd start sucking its dick.
He wears those boxer briefs.
Boxer briefs.
That is bad that I know that.
I know these are definitely in there.
What?
Mayo, Kool-Aid, and Diet Coke.
Probably, well yeah.
Pizza, beer, and Diet Coke.
Who would be the first to drink, um.
Bert.
Definitely me, I'd be like
"It's gotta have some alcohol in it, right?
Have you had a drink? Let me drink your piss."
I hope you learned something
about the power of friendship.
Because we sure did,
and so if you would like to learn more about friendship,
and some wilderness antics, check out my new show,
The Cabin, streaming right now on Netflix.