Clay Andrews: Why isn't my ex fighting
for me? That's what we're going to be talking about in this video. But first, my name is Clay
with ModernLove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for,
without having to play mind games, without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend
to be someone or something that you are not. Because you deserve to be loved for the unique,
amazing, and wonderful person that you are. And if you agree with me, and if you like this
nice shirt here, please give me a thumbs up for this video, and subscribe to the channel down
below. It helps the algorithm. Seriously though, I thought I'd try out this shirt. I don't know.
Maybe it's a good choice. Maybe I'll just end up looking really tacky when I look back on this
video years and years from now. Who knows? Let me know what you think in the comments by the way.
But we are going to be talking about the emotional connection that you have with your ex. And if that
is something that you want some help with, we do have our course called the Ex Solution Program.
You can find info on that right down below in the description box. Why your ex isn't fighting
for you is because we have to understand how they came to this process of breaking up. We have to
understand what happened. Now, there was something that was dissatisfying about the relationship.
People don't just break up without feeling a sense of dissatisfaction in some capacity. Maybe
it was a great deal of dissatisfaction. Maybe it was a minor degree of dissatisfaction, but for one
reason or another, they were feeling dissatisfied with the relationship. And that means that
they had to have a certain degree of expectation for what they wanted that was currently not being
met. It was currently not being measured up to. And as the result of that, they had to slowly
make these decisions like, they let me down again. This just isn't doing it for me.
I think I want something different. And so they're making these
slow decisions moment by moment to start to disinvest from the relationship.
And when it comes time to actually break up, that is the time when all of these moments, all
of these little decisions that they've made add up to the point where they see no other possibility
forward. And so maybe up until the breakup as they were making just one or two of those decisions,
yes, they might have been willing to fight for the relationship. To overcome the challenges
that the two of you felt or experienced. But as they got to the point of breaking up,
then they realized that, hey, this just isn't cutting it anymore. And so they've already made
a series of decisions to leave their relationship. And they've already in their mind, most likely,
have already fought for the relationship and it just hasn't added up to what they wanted.
And so when they decided to break up with you, basically they'd already made up their mind.
Now this means that you are going to be pushing up against the law of consistency.
Basically what the law of consistency says is that once someone has broken up with you, then if
the two of you are going to get back together, then you're going to have to overcome this law.
Because once they broken up with you, they're going to start to act as if they are consistent
with the previous choices that they've made. So they broken up with you. They're going to start
to act consistently with the decision to break up with you, which means they might do things like
not talk to you, wall you out, insist that it's over, tell you that it's just impossible for the
two of you to work out. Basically the things that you might be experiencing i you're wondering why
they're not fighting for the relationship. Why they're not fighting for you. Does this
mean that it's impossible to get back together? No. It doesn't mean that whatsoever, but you're
going to have to overcome this law of consistency. Now, how do you do this? You're going to have to
do a couple of things first. First and foremost, you're going to have to actually show them that
there's a benefit in being in contact with you, in being interacting with you, in actually having a
relationship together. That means you're going to have to actually demonstrate to them that they're
not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place. So again,
there were things that happened, little decisions that they made that caused them
to slowly close off their minds to being in a relationship with you, and close off their heart.
And in order to open that up again, you're going to have to demonstrate to them that many, if not
all of those decisions, all of those evaluations, were incorrect. That there actually is something
valuable about your connection together. So, for example, maybe the two of you argued all the time,
and they're starting to think that you're a stubborn person who just can't ever take things
in a relaxed sort of way. Then you're going to have to demonstrate to them that that's
not who you are, because as you can start to erase these assumptions and understanding
that they have about you, you're going to start to erode the foundation for the law
of consistency. And then their stubbornness is going to come down, causing them to see
a new opportunity for the two of you together. Just as an example. Of course this applies to
other things that could potentially be happening in your relationship as well too. But that's
just an example there for you. But basically you have to demonstrate to them that they are
not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.
The second thing that you got to do, is that you have to show them that interacting with the two
of you can be a beneficial, positive, uplifting thing. It's not just a matter of saying, yeah.
I cheated on you. And yeah, I understand why you broke up, but I promise I'll never cheat again.
And maybe they even believe that you'll never cheat again. They need to not just know that,
but they need to also be able to see that there are positive interactions that the two of you can
have together. If the two of you can have positive interactions together, and they understand they're
not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place,
then they're going to start to actually see a reason for wanting to get back together with you,
or entertain the possibility of a future together. The next thing you want to keep in mind is that
there's going to need to be a certain sense of consistency in place to build up that trust. Now,
when it comes to trust, your ex is going to go on their own emotional journey. They're going to go
from maybe having low or questionable trust in you, towards having more and more trust in you,
towards eventually trusting that, okay. Yeah. What I see is what I get. We connect well,
I'm not walking back into the same relationship. This isn't just a gimmick. This isn't just
something that you learned on the internet, or something like that. This is the real deal I
can put my trust in the fact that we can have a good relationship with one another. And this
is what we call their five stages of getting back together, their own emotional journey.
We have a whole playlist on your ex's five stages. You may want to check it out
right up there. It's been a beneficial playlist for other people out there.
And it might just be a great playlist for you as well. It does kind of help a lot of people
understand your ex's emotional place, where they're at, what they're going through, and
helps give some context to some of the strange and unusual behavior that they might be experiencing.
And then of course, at this point, after they start to trust that there is a possibility
for the two of you to get back together, and they trust that you're not just on your best behavior,
putting on an act, using some reverse psychology gimmick that you learned on the internet, or
something like that, then they'll actually start to want to get closer to you. They'll actually
start to drop their guard around you a lot more. And at this point, that's when they'll actually
start to fight for you. Now, of course, there can be a lot of complicated emotions at this point.
They may go through things like the crisis point, and some of those other things that we've talked
about inside those five stages. But, they actually see a possibility for the two of you. They
actually see a reason to fight for the two of you. And until they actually have that vision in place,
then they're probably not going to want to fight for you. So you have to overcome these things. You
have to overcome the law of consistency. You have to overcome those decisions that they've made,
one after another, after another that are causing them to not want to be with you. And
then you have to actually show them that they're not walking back into the same relationship that
they walked out of in the first place. You have to show them that they actually
can enjoy interacting with you, and have a positive, enjoyable, uplifting interaction.
And then you also have to instill a sense of trust through consistency. That's to say,
bringing yourself consistently, time and time and time again, to some of the interactions that the
two of you are having so that they get that this is not the same relationship that they thought
they were walking out of in the first place. And if this is all something that you want
a little bit of help with, specifically maybe navigating their emotions and the five stages and
all of that. This is what we talk about inside of our course called the Ex Solution Program.
Once again, that is down in the description box. Check it out, not going to twist your arm,
but check it out. If it seems like a good fit for you, feel free to sign up. If not,
no worries. It's not for everyone. But anyway, go ahead and check it out down below.
Also, if you like this shirt, please help a guy out, hit that thumbs up button. If you don't like
the shirt hit the thumbs down button too. But anyway, just any kind of buttons that you push
on this video help with the YouTube algorithm. So push lots of buttons, leave comments down below.
Whether you like this shirt, whether or not your ex is fighting for you. If maybe what I've talked
about in this video helps to explain why your ex may be behaving the way that they have been.
And yeah, if you want to learn more about your ex's five stages, please feel free to
check out this video series over here. Or you might want to check out this video right here.
But anyway, my name is Clay, please take care, and I'll talk to you next time.