- Men are in crisis, being too pushy,
crying at parks,
Alfonso Ribeiro,
spending time at Arby's when they're not eating.
It's a mess.
Thankfully, I'm here to help.
Now why am I qualified?
Coz I've got a a gender neutral haircut,
a popular podcast, and time to kill.
I'm still in community college.
This is Man Up.
(rock music)
This week I got a call from Lauren in Culver City,
or Lau-ren, as she says it.
And she said that her and her man
are having some commitment issues,
something I know a lot about.
I think I do.
I don't know if I do,
I can't even, fuck,
I can't even commit to this.
(upbeat music)
What's up man? I'm Theo.
- Hey, how's it going?
- Good, nice to see you today.
Lauren, how are you?
- Hi, I'm good.
How are you?
- Very lovely.
Thank you guys for meeting me out here.
Obviously we arranged to meet you guys out here,
by this ledge.
Lauren's reached out to me via my podcast,
which is about helping men
take that (screeches) off the universe
and really get that, you know,
that male gestation going on inside of our lungs and heart.
- So, I called Theo because you
bought an engagement ring.
- This is true.
I did.
- A year ago and you've been sitting on it.
- Yeah.
- You've been mother henning that thing.
They call that mother henning.
- Do they?
Okay.
- And, I feel like you thought that
you could just buy it and mother hen it,
instead of taking that next step to actually propose.
Like, you act like you've proposed already.
But you haven't.
- Well, I wouldn't say I act like I proposed
because, I mean, I'm not strutting around
you know, talking like I'm--
- You act like it's a huge step though.
- Well, it was kind of a--
- The huge step would actually be proposing.
- It was an interim step, you know?
- Okay.
It shouldn't take a year.
- You're probably right about that.
- As men we have a lot of invisible hurdles,
some of them that you can't even see as women,
just coz we have our own blinders on.
You know we're the only animal in the kingdom
that runs forward at top speed with blinders on.
You can't name another animal that can do that,
unless it's a blind animal.
Buying a wedding ring
and not giving it to a girl is,
well now you're just a dude that owns a ring,
a jewelry boy.
Alright so this is streets of?
- Rogue, yeah.
Streets of Rogue, this is my baby.
- And you made this.
- Yeah, over the course of four plus years.
- Wow.
How many levels are on this game.
- 15, I'd say.
- And so if asking Lauren to marry you is like level 15,
what level do you feel like you're on?
Honestly.
- Probably 14 and three quarters ish.
I mean, it's pretty close.
But here's the thing,
it's been on 14 and three quarters
for like a year or two.
- Wow, how much sex were you getting
before you guys settled down.
Do you feel like you got enough sex
out there in the world?
- I mean, I wasn't the best at dating.
I don't think, it wasn't the worst,
but, you know, I'm no player, you know?
- Yeah, I was good at dating,
but I wasn't good at sex.
- Oh.
- I am the worst at sex.
I'm very bad.
- Yeah, what do you think the problem is there?
- I just get nervous.
I'm like one of those,
you ever seen those animals that
faint when they get nervous, you know?
- (laughs) No.
What animals are these?
- Yeah they're like goats on the internet,
and they faint when they get nervous,
and that's how I am,
like I hold my breath when I'm having sex,
and then Ill just kinda faint.
- It's a problem.
- Yeah, I'm not that good at it.
It sounds like he thinks his ding
hasn't had enough ling, you know?
He hadn't done enough tippy-tappy
in that drippy-drappy.
(ambient music)
You've been sitting on the ring for
2 and a half years, right?
- Yeah.
- If you're afraid to make that jump,
one of the reasons could be
because you're worried about,
not being able to be single again.
- Right.
- So I thought I'd give you the environment
of what it's like to be single.
- Yeah it's not really an environment
that I'm familiar with--
- That's okay.
I don't think anybody is comfortable in it,
you know?
I think sometimes that's just
this idea we have that
there's a guy out there
that's comfortable in this.
Only a shark is comfortable in these waters,
you know?
It's not that hard.
Hey, how's it going?
- Oh, hi, sorry.
- Sorry I'm gonna wave my hand at you.
I'm not a harassment person.
- I'm Courtney, nice to meet you.
- Theo. Nice to see you.
This is my friend Matt.
- Hey.
- Hi Matt, how are you?
- How's it going?
- Good.
- I have, actually, adult asthma.
- Oh no.
- Do you have it?
- I don't, no.
- I thought we might have some of the same
issues and diseases.
- Oh, no.
Have a good night.
- Okay, if you see me struggling to breathe,
you know what's up.
So, I think it went okay.
- Yeah, it went alright.
It's a little weird.
- Yeah. Here's the thing,
she hated me before she got here.
She'll hate me later.
But I conversated, I won right?
- Yeah.
- So at least if I go home tonight,
and masturbate by myself,
at least I still have her voice in my ears.
- Yeah.
- You feel me?
- Yeah, I mean, you're still a winner in that sense.
- Yes, you gotta take a win where you can get a win, right?
- Yeah.
- So being single is just about
getting little wins.
So to have that single vibe,
you can go out in here,
I want you to meet a couple of girls.
- We gonna go together, or?
- I'm gonna stay here and hold down the nest,
you know?
- God, I'm a jar of just,
I don't even know.
I'm, God, freaking the fuck out right now.
- Are you really?
- Yeah.
- You're fine.
Bro, you're big semen, I'm big semen.
We were semen look how far we've come.
- Semen?
- You got this.
- Alright.
(upbeat music)
- Hi.
- I'm Matt.
- Hi, Brie
- Good to meet you, Brie.
- Jess.
- Jess, hey, good to meet you, Matt.
- Nice to meet you too.
- Hey, so how's it going tonight?
- Good, how are you?
- Not bad.
Can't complain too much.
You guys having a girls' night here?
- Yeah, we are actually.
- I could maybe do that.
(women laugh)
What's the plans here?
- Probably go to Malibu.
- The Bu?
Okay, that sounds like fun.
You guys gonna do like lines of cocaine there
and all kinds of crazy crap?
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry, that's a little forward.
I don't mean to like--
- I'm sorry we're just like talking,
me and my girlfriend.
- Yeah.
- It's girls night.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't wanna interrupt you.
What kind of girls night are we talking here?
- We just haven't seen each other
- What do you mean?
- I have no idea what I mean.
I'm sorry, awesome, okay.
- Have a good night.
- ALright, you too.
(whistles)
- Hi. - Hi.
- How's it going?
- Good. - I'm Matt.
- I'm Elaine, nice to meet you.
- Good to meet you.
- What do you do?
- I'm a video game developer.
- Oh, cool.
Sounds fun.
- Yeah.
- Sound very smart.
- Some people have maybe said that in the past.
(Elaine laughs)
I guess I'm, yeah, I'm alright.
- Do you do well for yourself?
Do you make good money?
- Yeah, I do alright.
My game is doing alright, yeah.
- You obviously have like a cool job,
it seems like you do well,
I'm like really really struck for cash right now.
And I could like hardly afford this drink
to be honest.
Its really embarrassing but like,
is there any way you could spot me like
1000 dollars?
- I mean I gotta say, I literally just met you.
- I know, I know.
- It's like a big request,
and I know this is Los Angeles
filled with like billionaires,
but I do alright.
I'm not like a,
I don't have fuck you money, you know?
- Oh, you don't?
- No.
(laughs)
Listen, I'm really sorry.
I can't really do that.
I gotta get to my friend.
- Oh okay.
- It was really nice to meet you.
- I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean for that to come across weird.
- I'm sorry about that.
- Okay, alright.
- Matt got thrown to the lions,
female L.A. lions.
The kind that eat cocaine instead of meat.
And they, they're naughty.
How'd it go?
- I'm gonna have to go with bad.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Dude, I'm glad you got a taste of the single life man.
Sometimes it's a naughty taste.
- Yeah.
- Okay, it's like licking yourself when you shouldn't.
And the kicker is,
while you've been here being single with me
the whole time, of course,
Lauren has been out being single as well.
I'm not trying to trick you or anything,
but I just want you to know that
that's how it would work.
I sent over my boy Tasty Jimmy,
he's chill, he's Italian.
- Tasty Jimmy?
- Yeah, I don't know how he got the nickname.
A lot of chicks give it to him.
But that's his life.
- I didn't know this was the deal.
- Right.
Well how would you feel
if you're girl were with some guy right now?
- Not so great, not so great at all.
- Okay,
well I say we go and check out
what's going on with them.
How about that?
- Alright.
- Let me get this.
(romantic music)
- You look really nice.
- Thank you.
Oh I was going to say this is vintage.
- It is very vintage.
It actually reminds me of my favorite emoji,
the senorita one?
- Oh yes.
- Yes.
- I'm a walking senorita emoji.
- Which is a compliment in the biggest way.
- Look man, that's what single life is like,
you know?
- Yeah, real disappointing.
- Right, and so I wanted to show you
if that's what single life is like there,
then of course if you were single,
then Lauren would be single as well.
- What kind of position do you like,
I know we're at a cat place,
but what about doggy-style?
- I mean, (laughs).
- It's Tasty Jimmy?
- Yeah it's him.
He's Italian.
- Sounds like a great time in there.
- Right, I didn't wanna have to show you this,
but it's like you know sometimes we don't,
we can't see what we can't see.
- Yeah.
- You know until you see what could be
if you don't make a move on a special girl,
then you don't know.
And this is what that would look like man.
- This dude I don't know and a bunch of cats?
- Oh that's Jimmy dude.
- Yeah.
- And he's definitely, I mean,
already has some, a little bit of ED,
erectile dysfunction, but
he makes up for it with his hands.
His great grandfather was a pianist.
- Oh God.
- So I'm just saying, sometimes look man,
I know you design games,
sometimes you gotta design that final level.
- Alright.
- And I'm gonna be level with you.
Last night, I broke into your house
and borrowed these.
- I don't recognize those at all actually.
- Oh well these are somebody's.
- Alright well, who?
- I also got this man.
Is this yours?
- That actually is mine.
That's the ring I was gonna give to Lauren, yeah.
- Gonna give when, you know?
- I, oh God.
- How does it make you feel whenever you see that,
you know?
- I don't know, I don't feel good at all.
- No time like the present guy.
- If you wanna bring another pussy
in the relationship already, I will.
(Lauren laughs)
- You can't design this,
but you gotta live it dude.
- Yeah, yeah.
- No time like the present guy.
- Yeah, I guess you're right, yeah.
- Final level.
No more Tasty Jimmys.
You got this.
- Hey Tasty, take a hike.
Coz this pussy's mine.
- (laughs) Matt?
- Alright, Lauren hey come up come up.
- What are you doing,
I have a cat treat in my hand, hold on.
- This is not really how I pictured
doing this here,
but Lauren, I'm sorry I took so long to do this.
And you know this is pretty weird way to do it.
But, you know, you've been waiting a long time
and I do love you.
- Aww (laughs).
- Lauren, I--
- Yeah?
- Yeah, hold on a sec,
Jesus Christ, Lauren--
(Lauren screams)
Yeah, will you marry me?
- Yeah.
Yes, yes, yes,
I didn't think you would do this (laughs).
- Yeah, I know.
This is a real thing.
- I can't believe this is happening.
Is this real?
- Yeah, this is a real thing.
- Man this week was really really special.
You know, they're committing to a lifetime of
love and matrimony and, you know,
sharing mail.
But, Matt's not the only one who walked out of that cafe
with a new piece of puassy.
I met this person,
Sugar.