- Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun
- Hey, guys, eyes up here.
(electronic music)
- Today I'm going to learn how to
create boobs out of nothing.
- Two-dimensional boobs.
- Kylie Jenner did it, and something happened.
- It's kind of artistic.
- Drag queens do it.
- I'm actually kind of excited.
- They told me I had to be hairless for this,
so we brought in an esthetician.
Argh!
We actually didn't have enough money to do the full session,
so we waxed part of my chest.
- So I need to put a bunch of foundation
all over my breast.
Ivory? Yeah, I'm like an elephant.
- I think I'm like a warm beige.
There you go, US Census,
I was never yellow, I'm beige.
- I didn't ask if I was allowed to rub make-up
on my freshly waxed body,
and I have a feeling the answer is,
absolutely not.
- Oh shit, spill it everywhere.
Does it look any different at all?
- That's good, it's covering up all the
little bloody pores.
- Do I have to decide yet how big my breasts are?
Am I going to have stereotypical Asian breasts,
or like my family's Asian breasts,
which are very large.
- They're different sizes, but that's accurate.
- Does it look like books yet?
Nope.
- Honey and almonds.
Man, Winnie the Pooh's going to be after these titties.
(laughs)
- This looks like blood and poop.
- Can I start over?
- Looking from far away they look awful.
- I failed painting in college.
It was the one class I ever failed
in my entire life.
- It's like using shadows and light.
Contouring was invented in the Renaissance.
- Does this look like boobs, or open-heart surgery?
- Yeah, look at the size of those melons.
- I've had enough of this.
I'm going to get some green.
And there I've got happy boobs.
- Yeah, I don't know how to put on a bra.
- Sexy, are you giving me the sexy one?
- Oh! - [Woman] I'm sorry.
- Yeah, this looks great!
- They're way too high up,
but that's just perky.
- I think I did a terrible job
because my boobs are too far apart.
- Like I had a whale bone necklace
and then got super sunburned right here.
- I would not look twice at my own boobs.
- A little different this time around.
- You think you can do better.
- I don't know! - Knock yourself out.
- I feel like right now
my chest sort of looks like,
do you see two faces or do you see a vase?
- I think Keith had really nice-looking boobs.
- Oh, that looks amazing
once you actually put them together.
- Oh, that's how you blend.
- Can you just add some abs while you're at it.
Honestly, my chest looks like my butt.
- How often is this used?
- I like to suggest contouring really
just for, like, photo shoots.
- Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs.
- Is there like anyone, if I just showed them this,
they'd be like, that's some sexy boobs,
and I'd be like, psych, you got punked!
- Woah!
- Put these suckers in.
- Wow!
(laughs)
- Damn! - Damn!
- Like, the more I look at it,
the more I'm just like, yeah,
I've always had boobs, of course.
- Eugene probably looks like a fox, though,
because he's slender like a lady already.
- Boobies! - Yes!
- These things actually look cute.
- I will say this looks hilarious.
- Just focus on this, not on my belly.
Because they all jiggle.
- This is crazy you can do that with
what's essentially paint.
- Woo-woo! - Okay.
You know, those are mine.
Yeah, you have boobs,
everyone thinks they can just
walk up behind you and grab them.
- My sisters will be proud.
- This has made me realize that not every boob
is what meets the eye.
- I think I can get a nice man to buy me a drink.
- There may be some trickery behind the boobery.
- It's been a weird day.
- [All] One, two, three, ta-tas!
- [Voiceover] Yeah, yours look good!
- [Voiceover] Eugene, yours look way too convincing.
- [Voiceover] Zach, where did your hair go?
- [Zach] Yeah, I got rid of it.
You ready for this? So, confusing.
- [All] Aaahhh.
- Oh, that's awful.
- [Voiceover] That is awful, no, it is awful.
- [Voiceover] I've got like a gag reflex.
- Come on, someone is at least a little turned on by this.