I don't know if this ever happens to you. I know it happens to me.
Let's figure out what to do when frustrated
or overwhelmed. I think the best place to start is to
define where these things come from. Frustration
has to do with a belief. Consider this: A belief that things are not
the way they should be. Can you connect to that?
When we feel frustrated, it comes down to that belief
at some level. Kids aren't doing what they should be doing.
The economy is not doing what it should be doing. The government not doing what
it should be doing. My spouse... You see where we're going with
that? Things are not the way they should be.
I'm not saying that you have to change that belief. But
notice that that's where frustration comes from.
That's going to be really key as we talk about the solution in just a moment.
What about overwhelmed? Overwhelmed has to do with a sense of
there's too much. Too much expected of me, too much to do,
too much to deal with right now. I'm feeling overwhelmed.
A colleague of mine Doug Nielsen suggested to me recently that every
problem we face is a problem with thinking.
That's a bold statement. I tend to agree with Doug on this.
Think about it. I just defined for you when we feel frustrated it's because we
think or believe that things are not the way that they should be.
We wouldn't feel the frustration if we thought something else.
Or the overwhelmed, that there's too much I can't handle. It's
way too much for me to handle. Well, that's a
thought. It's not the truth. It's simply a thought. So, if we go with
what Doug said about "Every problem that we
face is a problem with thinking", then to solve the problems
of being frustrated and overwhelmed means that we get to address our
thinking. And you've already got some clues about how to do that.
Let's take a look at the specific thoughts that will help.
Consistent with what Doug told me, let's take a look at the thinking behind
(first) feeling frustrated. Remember, the core belief there is things
are not the way they should be. Let's practice a new belief. T hings are
exactly as they should be. Will you just try this? Try with me right
now for a moment. Just think or say. Even better. Say it.
Things are exactly as they should be. Now, when you say it, you have to pay
attention to your face. If your eyebrows are all scrunched up like this then your
brain isn't going to believe what you're saying.
Loosen up your eyebrows, bring them up just a little bit. A little little to
your voice, smile a little, bring some light to your face. Things are
exactly as they should be. How does that feel?
Besides goofy, I mean it's a little awkward and uncomfortable at first. But
just try it. Things are exactly as they should be. Now,
consider this: How would you feel if you really
believed that? You see how that changes the game?
There's no more frustration if things are exactly
as they should be. The problem when we try a new kind of thinking
is that we're really attached to whatever it is we believed before.
And you're going to hear a little argument come up in your brain.
Something like, "Oh, but..." And as soon as your brain says,
"But", it's trying to dismiss what you're introducing to it and go back to what
it's used to. "But my kids really are out of control.
But the economy really is in the tank. But this pandemic
really is kicking our trash." Okay. Listen to those
as if it's just noise and go back to your practiced belief,
the new belief. Things are exactly as they should be.
They might not be exactly how you want them. That's a different issue.
But they're exactly as they should be for whatever reasons.
Here's another element to that: I'm right on schedule. See, the belief when
we're frustrated is that we're behind, we're behind the game, we've missed
something, we're we're not up to speed. Try it.
I'm right on schedule. And pay attention to your face.
Okay? Your eyebrows matter. Get your face in congruence with what you're saying
and just try it. I know it's hard to believe at first
because it's a new belief and it's going to come in conflict with what
the old belief is. The old belief isn't any more true.
Are you right on schedule or not? Do you know like you've got some connection to
the grand cosmic calendar of all things? Do you
know if you're right on schedule? No. But notice that you've already taken
a position or an attitude toward that. And
choose this one on purpose. Why? Because it changes how
you feel. You don't have to feel frustrated
if you believe that things are exactly as they should be
and you're right on schedule. Just practice it.
Let's see what happens. So, what new beliefs
or thought patterns are going to help with feeling overwhelmed?
You know what occurred to me some time ago that we never talk about
feeling perfectly whelmed. What would that be?
We hear overwhelmed all the time. I've even heard underwhelmed.
But when do you hear people talk about being perfectly
whelmed? What would that be? You know, I looked it up
in the dictionary. Whelmed is actually a word that
means completely surrounded by or buried in. And it occurred to me that a
fish is perfectly whelmed surrounded by or buried in water. But the
fish never thinks that there's way too much
water, right? That's not even a concept. They don't even acknowledge the water
that they're in. It simply is their environment.
What if we could apply that to whatever it is that we're swimming in?
I get this question a lot related to the pandemic
for example. People feeling overwhelmed by the circumstances that our world is
in. Well, what if we were to just simply see
that as the water in which we swim?
And not try to resist it or change it but simply
go with the flow. That changes things. I remember an animated show that came
out years ago, Disney Pixar called Finding Nemo. Do you remember that
one? Ellen Degeneres played an adorable
little fish character named Dory. And Dory was a little disconnected
cognitively from some of what was going on.
But she had some profound advice. And it's captured in this phrase. "Just
keep swimming." Just keep swimming.
Whatever surrounds you is simply the world that you're in. It's the water to
the fish. Exist in it in peace. See ,as we adjust
our thinking, there's not too much of all this. It's simply the
world that we're in. It's the water in which we swim.
Let's take a lesson from Dory and just keep swimming.
Simple principles and concepts, right? Simple and easy
are not the same thing. When you start to change your
thinking, it's going to require some practice.
What I call mental hygiene. It's like brushing your teeth.
You don't just brush your teeth and say, "I'm done." You want to practice that
consistently. We've created a way for you to do that. Come over to
liveonpurposecentral.com where you will find the resources that will
help you with your mental hygiene. I'll see you there.