don't you want this cute this video is
feeding all of my pets little one is
supply first is echo echo the Gecko this
is Cersei just means they buy snakes are
extremely therapeutic if you're feeling
stressed now the cool thing about ball
pythons is there's a lot of different
more why are you naked in one of your
video
I hit a million subscribers which I
never ever thought I'd have that many
the situation terrifies me I don't like
being unliked but it's something I got
to get used to if I'm in the public you
know I'm gonna mess up okay right off
the bat I think this is important
you
hey guys and welcome back to my
abandoned camp if you are a parent and
you're letting your child use the iPad
in the backseat of your car and you hear
me talking out of the iPad right now I
suggest that you change what they're
watching because this video is about
really bad relationships and drug abuse
I probably own around 20 to 25 animals
I'd agree home about 12 of them you
missed you missed you missed the
Crocodile Hunter was like one of my
favorite shows growing up and I just
really loved Steve Irwin and just the
idea of being able to talk about my love
for animals and entertain people at the
same time seemed really cool my name is
Taylor Nicole Dean and I run a YouTube
channel all about how to take care of
exotic animals mainly it's about showing
people that even the creepy crawling
ones that they think might be creepy and
gross or whatever that they're actually
lovable and cute really started to take
off when I had my Hedgehog Nala I
decided to try to make a video to link
to people that told me that they were
getting a hedgehog because of me he
hates everyone
good luck seeing his face after that
original video with Nala just kept going
and now I'm here what as long as hey I
got a peacock feather oh no it's on my
head nobody this was your first
Halloween tiger as a rabbit here's an
early animal picture of me with the
little chick mom always took her to
places where there were animals there's
a little bit older one I made it for a
school picture I was always homebound so
I really go for like pictures and tests
that I couldn't stay at home to do from
fifth grade on didn't really attend
school they didn't know what was wrong
with me and at first I had a lot of
chronic illness that was undiagnosed and
they figured out I had a ehlers-danlos
syndrome ehlers-danlos syndrome is a
connective tissue disorder which
basically means I can dislocate my body
very easily I can hurt my body I can
get myself hurt on one time I woke up
and thought I had it cold so I went to
the doctor and they found out I had
shattered my clavicle in my sleep it's
hard to socialize you make plans and
want to go and then not feel good we're
not going off and just miss a lot of
things I guess I got in this weird funk
for a while where I felt like talking
about my illnesses on here too much
would just get me viewed as like the
sick girl or something and that people
really wouldn't want to be friends with
me I'm really really really outgoing I
really really love meeting people but
I'm also overwhelmingly anxious about
the whole experience and kind of suck at
making friends sometimes I don't know
what kind of occupation or job you know
would lend itself to someone with you
know chronic fatigue and pain issues and
it's sort of the perfect the perfect fit
I never heard of pet - when I started
doing YouTube videos I just started
talking about my animals and discovered
that there's a whole entire niche on
YouTube that is just all about exotic
animals my little girl right here she's
still big enough or small enough to hold
her welcome back to my youtube channel
I'm joined here with Sasha
this is Janet our bull snake he was my
very first snake and he is just a
sweetheart I really thought YouTube was
gonna be a hobby always I thought maybe
would bring in an extra hundred bucks or
something at the most a few months into
starting I got a paycheck that was equal
to the amount I made at Petco and I was
just like what is the risk and quitting
and just trying YouTube and seeing what
happens I have quit my day job and
literally my full-time job what I make
up all my money off of is going to be
caring for my animal I signed with the
manager and when he started helping out
with like sponsorships and merch and
stuff like that I started to see like
how big of a thing this could actually
be I hit 100,000 subscribers my
back-to-school supplies are available
now there's a really good chance that by
the time I upload this I'll be at
500,000 subscribers which is crazy when
it comes to making your first purchase
you can use Taylor for 10% off I hit
million subscribers which I never ever
thought I'd have that many I have about
1.8 million subscribers on YouTube the
reach my boy Scott was definitely
something I wasn't used to so it was
really weird to suddenly have the
attention shift onto me like that
definitely one particular thing that the
people that dislike me talk about is my
animal care yeah the people that dislike
me are very very extreme sometimes
there's no reasoning with them whenever
you talk to them they always find a
worse reason and if they don't find a
reason to continue the argument they
completely flip it on a completely
unrelated subject just to keep digging
and there's literally no way for me to
prove that I handled my animals when I'm
not online because the only way these
people know me is online so they don't
they don't know what I'm doing when I'm
off-camera I think that just comes from
this crazy expectation that anyone that
goes online and gets this amount of
attention needs to be doing everything
perfectly normal things can't happen
that what happened to anyone
it was really crappy for me to do
because it showed children that they
could just go buy an animal and figure
it out and I don't want that to be my
message on here so again I really
apologize for that situation what's
important is I learned from it and I'm
not gonna do it again it's been weird
growing up online because then I've had
to make all the mistakes that I do make
publicly instead of it just being a
little slip-up in my personal life it's
a slip-up that two million people know
about so something I struggle every day
learning how to deal with this video is
going to be talking about addiction I
personally did not understand addiction
either up until about two months ago I
think I've always seen in my life that
I've had addictive tendencies growing up
and I always would say that kind of like
its personality trait alcohol and
drinking I wasn't really exposed to that
much growing up and I never went to
dances and in school or parties in high
school or anything
my very first party I ever attended was
because of YouTube when I started my
youtube channel it took off so fast and
I just wanted to be accepted always been
a problem with me is that I wanted to
always be accepted someone offered me a
tiny tiny tiny bump of cocaine and
everyone was doing it and acting
so I was like okay whatever I'll try it
and the next day I was just obsessing
about it and my brain just was like you
need it again you need it again and I
was extremely depressed for weeks being
completely isolated and wanting to be
accepted craving that codependent
relationship I was pretty much ready to
jump on to anyone who looked at me even
basically I meet this guy online
was a huge fan of his music he is 10
years older than me and someone who
deals with addiction and he had a lot
more access to all of these things he
was able to get me the connections I
never could have gotten back in Texas
his issue was opiates and he started
bringing them around and I just decided
oh well I'll try what he has it'll be a
different feeling but I'll try it and
after that I just never went back to
coke I just started dabbling with
opiates and I just kept telling myself
that it's not a problem it's a
prescription drug it can't be that
horrible it was just me trying to
rationalize what was happening this is
when my channel really really really
took a dive and I'm finally able to say
that it was my relationship that I got
into he was gone all day and I didn't
know why and he came home later that day
and told me he was gonna take a bath and
I noticed that he brought ice cream into
the bath and he was just being really
weird not making sense I decided I
wanted ice cream I go over to the sink
and I noticed he only put the bowl of
ice cream in there not the spoon
everything just sank in me I want to try
to confront him and the bathroom is
blocked he finally gets up and lets me
in and he's like I don't know what you
want and instead of staying in the
bathroom he walks out and goes and hides
in a corner and I started digging
through everything and I find the spoon
and the drawer and I'm like why is the
spoon in the drawer he goes I don't know
what you're talking about I don't want
you mean that's not you know not my
spoon I don't know
he's acting all weird and I turn it over
and it's burnt and I just start sobbing
and screaming I said you need to go to
rehab you need to get help
Lia's please please flush this needle
with me and let's end this once and for
all let's get you help
I'll stay with you I'll support you I'll
pay for the rehab let's just get you
better but instead he goes I really
think that we should finish what I have
left of the heroin together and then get
clean we'll have the best high that
you've ever had and we'll have it
together and it'll be beautiful and I'll
hold you and we'll watch a movie and
we'll be in complete peace and then
we'll never do this again and we will
get clean and sober and we put all the
drugs in our pasts and I'll go to rehab
and I will get help but let's just have
one more good night that was my first
time using heroin I started with like
the most baby dose ever and I worked all
the way up to this heroin that was cut
with fit and all it was the most
miserable experience of my life but I
just kept trying to think it's not as
bad as it could be like I'm still in a
really nice house I'm still have my job
I still have this and that when in
reality I like hadn't made a video in
like six months I was you know losing
all contacts to everyone and all I had
was this dude that just kept shooting me
up
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it all happened so fast I kept thinking
I was in control and then suddenly I
wasn't I don't know if you guys can hear
that but that's myself flushing toilet
so that's the video and I really hope
you guys enjoyed it and again thank you
so much for sticking around and waiting
to even watch this I couldn't imagine
staying interested in my channel after
it being dead for so long people kind of
knew what was going on it got to a point
where even as careful as I could be in
like little you Instagram stories and
stuff you could see sometimes needles
and people were zooming in on things and
finding things light of recent news
about Nicole Taylor Dean it's time to
talk about addictions farmers
allegations go neither my boyfriend or
myself are doing drugs it isn't possible
to fully care for that many animals
while you're abusing substances right
she needs to go to rehab I feel like
some of her pets you do need to be
rehomed so my plan was I was gonna take
a medicine that stopped all the way draw
symptoms and I was gonna be fine but I
was super sick I was sick for like 14
hours I couldn't answer the phone I
couldn't get out of bed I passed out a
few times on the floor it was my mom
found me and I could not lie and she
brought me to rehab that day and I got
sober I honestly expected to lose like a
hundred thousand subscribers so it's
like was my estimate my head I know when
I posted it I lost a thousand and that
was it and then I ended up gaining a lot
more and not that that is what matters
from it but I was just really amazed
that there was that many people so
supportive about it one of the comments
that really stood out to me was some
girl said that she watched the whole
video and it reminded her of her
situation with her fiance she said like
that she packed her bags and left him
that night
so that was cool
I was expecting such a bad response and
I was going to be okay with that and
just to seem like anyone say like hey
I've I think I've been being abused for
seven years now and just gave me the
strength delete you fridges I don't know
the fun stuff I do online and stuff us I
love it I love connecting with people
and entertaining people but when I have
these emotional connections with people
it's just crazy I don't know what my
channel is now like I know it's
definitely still gonna be my animals and
all of that but I have this whole new
part of it hopefully I will get there
I'm not still not the best at my hygiene
yet still in that phase of getting my
life back on track
deep down I kind of always thought you
know they're there for the cute animals
and that's it so it's just kind of weird
now to have this whole part that's
really just about my own experience and
my own life and actually me yeah you
know I'm living at home with my parents
right now and spend most of my time
doing therapy and remembering to shower
and eat and stuff and it's just normal
either way hopefully this whole series
can help some people that are either
struggling or know someone that's
struggling or just wants to learn about
addiction in general because another
really big part in sobriety is the idea
that if you give back to others it makes
you more capable to stay sober by
helping others so now I just really want
to help as much as I can that's that's
all I want to keep doing I don't know
where I'm uploading it if I just upload
it on you know like YouTube you could
ask in the comment section like hey why
is my Hedgehog do this I don't know in
these um thanks
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[Applause]
[Music]
you