Disappointment
Hello, everyone.
Today we're gonna talk about disappointment.
There are two things which need to be talked about
with regards to disappointment.
The first is:
Expecting disappointment.
The second is:
What to do when we are actually disappointed.
You may not have recognized it,
but you might just be one of those people
who expects disappointment in your life.
You might be one of those people
who doesn't let yourself get your hopes up.
Those of us who expect disappointment in life,
experience a life of constriction.
But the constriction of what?
The constriction of joy.
Those of us who expect disappointment
do not let ourselves feel positive emotion.
We feel a kind of familiar safe comfort
when we are feeling negative emotional states like sadness.
Because when we feel that way
we are sure that there's no further to fall.
And that we will not be able to be disappointed,
from that place.
This is important to understand.
If you are a person who thinks that depression or sadness feels real,
or that there's a kind of familiar hominess
and a settled trust and negative emotional states
like depression and sadness
the reason is that you not only expect it,
but you are also desperately afraid of
disappointment.
And the only time we are guaranteed emotional safety therefore,
is when we are already feeling unhappy.
Those of us who expect disappointment,
panic when things are looking up.
We're always trying to look for the negative in every situation,
so we don't get blindsided by it.
We experience love as a kind of nostalgic missing of something,
before that object of our love is even gone.
We feel the most powerless and desperate
when things go well for us, because we live our lives
according to the belief that the universe is out to get us
and that the higher they rise the harder they fall.
Most of us who experience
the expectation of disappointment,
see ourselves as a disappointment.
We expect ourselves to be a disappointment.
That's because when we were little,
we felt like a disappointment to the authority figures
who were around us.
Teachers, family members, parents,
maybe even siblings.
Nothing we ever do is good enough
to mean that we have worth and value.
If things went well for us
it would mean that we are worthy of them going right for us.
And we simply can't believe that.
We believe were not worthy of positive treatment by the universe.
We think we do not deserve things to work out for us.
We think we do not deserve that big break
or that perfect mate, or that pay raise.
We don't know why we don't deserve life to go well for us
or what we did to deserve that pain.
All we know is that we must deserve it,
because that is what we have become accustomed to getting.
What's even worse is that those of us who fear
and expect disappointment,
train ourselves to expect the worst-case scenario.
Now this is a problem in a reality
where mind creates the universe you live in.
When mind creates reality
and you expect disappointment
you are literally in the creation pattern
of disappointment.
So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But I want to remind you
that when you're working with somebody
who is currently in the vibration of expecting disappointment
or if you yourself are expecting disappointment,
the very worst thing you can do is to remind someone
that it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This does no good.
In reality, all it does
is make a person feel shame
for expecting disappointment.
It causes them to worry
about the way that they are worrying.
If you're the kind of person who chronically expects disappointment,
it's important to make a list of times that you expected disappointment,
or the worst-case scenario to happen,
and it didn't occur.
Maybe we expected we would be stood up on a date,
but they just ended up being late because of a traffic jam.
Maybe we expected someone to die but they ended up recovering.
Maybe we expected an opportunity to fall through,
that just took a little more time to come through.
The point is,
when you are looking at proof
that disappointment does not always happen to you,
your brain cannot attach the expectation of disappointment
with so much fervor anymore.
The basic fear that lies underneath
the lives and minds of those people who expect disappointment,
is the belief and the fear,
in powerlessness.
Mainly, the powerlessness that is felt,
is the idea that one does not create their own reality.
People who expect disappointment
think that life happens to them.
That they have no real way of controlling
whether they feel good or whether they feel bad.
I Want to repeat this because it's so important.
The only people who fear disappointment
are those who think that they do not ultimately
have control over their lives.
They think that their life experience
is determined by something larger and more powerful than them.
Many of us who carry the belief that we create our own reality
do not carry this belief to our core.
Because the belief in our powerlessness
runs even deeper.
It is a holdover from our childhood experience.
If you expect disappointment,
it's crucial that you prove to yourself
that you create your own reality.
The way to do this
is to use visualization every day
only 5 minutes a day, no more.
Set a timer and for those 5 minutes,
I want you to focus on something that does not matter to you.
But use the same thing to focus on,
for the period of two weeks.
The reason I want you to pick something that doesn't matter to you,
is because you don't have a whole lot of resistance to that particular subject
So for example,
I don't really care much about...
Bowling balls.
In my day-To-day life,
I don't have many feelings one way or the other towards bowling balls.
I'm very neutral towards them.
This enables me to focus on bowling balls
without having any vibration within me
that pulls against the idea of a bowling ball.
As opposed to, say,
somebody who really wanted something like money,
but had all kinds of beliefs like:
"Money doesn't grow on trees."
"I don't deserve money." "It won't come to me."
That energy provides a level of resistance
which disables you from focusing in a pure way
on that particular subject.
So we want to save those big-deal subjects
until you actually believe you create your own reality.
So to begin with,
start with something that you're very neutral about.
That you don't care about one way or the other,
and focus on that thing for five minutes every day.
Make this visualization as real as you possibly can.
Then what you're going to do
is watch for that particular subject matter to show up in your life.
So I'm going to watch for bowling balls to show up in my reality.
The law of attraction makes it
so that it's a universal law that whatever you focus on,
is now included in your vibration and must become a part of your reality,
according to your own personal beliefs.
So if I focus on bowling balls,
they must show up in my reality.
You might find yourself bombarded
by this particular subject matter after you start visualizing it.
It's not that it was always there,
and you didn't recognize it.
What it is, is that now that you're a vibrational match to it,
you are being drawn to it, and it is being drawn to you.
The most crucial part of this particular exercise,
is that you recognize that your mind
is what is creating your reality.
If you think about something, it must appear.
This will demolish the idea of powerlessness
you have to your reality,
and thus, it won't make as much sense for you
to expect disappointment.
I also, want to say,
that worrying is tied in integrally with expecting disappointment.
And so is the idea
that one doesn't deserve.
Because of this, if you struggle with expecting disappointment in your life,
I want you to go watch my Youtube video called:
"Deserving"
I also want you to look for my Youtube video called:
"How to Stop Worrying"
Both of those videos,
will help you greatly with this particular issue.
So now I want to give you some suggestions
for dealing with disappointment, once it happens.
Number 1.
Let yourself feel and express that disappointment.
Admit to it.
We are not adept as people,
at allowing ourselves to go through a process
without trying to speed it up.
This resistance to feeling disappointment
keeps us stuck in disappointment.
But yourself expressed to others or into a journal
how disappointed you feel
and let yourself sink into
and explore the sensations and emotions and feelings
associated with that disappoint,
without having to change it.
You need to be genuinely ready to move forward,
in order to move forward.
And you can't do that until you face disappointment,
and have faced what you feel.
You should never expect yourself to just get over it.
Number 2. Is gain some perspective.
It's a good idea to involve other people in your disappointment.
Why? Because their perspective
may serve you, to look at the situation in a different way.
But I want to stress that it's very essential
that you let yourself feel and experience the disappointment fully
before you take this particular step.
Because we don't want other people's perspectives
to be your reason,
to invalidate the emotions of disappointment,
and thus tell you to not feel that way.
Number 3:
Don't take it personally.
Most of us take it personally when we experience disappointment.
We start looking for what we did to deserve that kind of pain.
Insight about the experience can only come
if you are not taking it personally.
You aren't going to learn anything if you're beating yourself up
or shaming yourself (which is what self blame is).
It is important to understand that our experiences
have nothing to do with deserving or not deserving.
Being good enough or not being good enough.
It has to do with our thoughts and our true desires.
The law of attraction is not a personal process.
It responds by mirroring your vibration exactly.
Your vibration which is dictated by your most dominant thoughts.
It is not selective about who or what it applies itself to.
It is as impartial as gravity.
It is not here to punish you.
number four:
If something disappointing happens,
begin to look for or at least remain open to
the possibility of a silver lining.
You can't really know
whether that particular opportunity
or person or thing
was actually what you are asking for.
Perhaps it wasn't.
Perhaps what you have actually been asking for
is right around the corner.
Finding approval for something that has disappointed us
is one of the most crucial steps
to overcoming disappointment.
Or moving through disappointment.
I can assure you that there is something positive to find
about every single disappointment.
For me one of my favorite things to do
is to write a list of positive aspects,
in a positive aspect journal,
about a disappointment, which I have suffered.
Not only does this cause me
to look for the positives in the situation,
it also disables my mind
from spiraling into an abyss.
5.
Practice the art of non-attachment.
It is possible to desire something
whilst not becoming attached
to the outcome.
But I really want to make it clear
that detachment is different
than non attachment.
Detachment is a coping mechanism.
It is a self defense strategy.
Non attachment is a practice of trust
and allowing the universe to deliver your desires to you
in ways that you cannot even foresee yet.
This process helps you to not limit yourself
to one outcome.
It is to recognize that your desires
could come in completely unexpected ways.
And the more attached we are to a certain thing,
the more we exclude other opportunities and possibilities
that might be even better.
Number 6:
Make a new plan.
Disappointments are often an indication
that something needs to be changed.
Disappointment provides an opportunity to reevaluate.
When we are disappointed
it means we need to change our approach
to getting what we want.
What insight was gained from the disappointment?
What needs to be done differently in the future?
There is always something valuable to be learned from disappointment.
But keep in mind, this is only valid
if the thing you learn is empowering.
If you are thinking:
"Well what I learned is definitely that next time I get my hopes up,
I need to stop counting my chickens before they hatch
and expect disappointment.
You're not actually opening yourself to learning.
You're closing yourself off to pain.
And there's a difference.
And I want you also to understand
that there is nothing wrong about switching your horses midstream.
Nothing wrong about changing course.
Some of the most brilliant
inventions in human history
have been the result of massive disappointment.
They've come on the heels of disappointment,
because that disappointment was just jarring enough,
to make people change things radically.
To make radical changes that worked.
7.
Take note of things that are going right for you
right here and now.
Things that you have, that you enjoy.
When we slip into disappointment,
we begin to see our lives in terms of lack.
The tease and loss of what we wanted
has made us more aware of the absence
of wanted things in our life.
To counteract this tailspin,
we can simply sit down and take note of all the things
that we do want in our lives that are already part of our lives.
What are you grateful for?
What do you love about your life?
What successes do you already have under your belt?
What is good about your life?
This will enable you to see the bigger picture.
Don't just think big, think small too.
If you enjoy your cup of coffee in the morning,
that is something good that you have.
The more good things you recognize that you have,
the less absent your life will seem of things that are wanted.
And the less deprived you will feel.
8.
Don't take action, take a break.
Disappointment is a serious self blow to our self-confidence.
So we don't want to take any kind of action
from that vibrational set point.
It's important that we take the time to move through disappointment
and allow inspiration to come forth instead.
If not, we're acting from a space of desperation.
And anyone who's been seriously disappointed
knows how bad it feels to act from a place of desperation.
It is extremely painful,
and it doesn't ever yield positive results.
You never want to do anything from a vibration of disappointment.
And when you do begin again
to go in the direction of what you want, think baby steps.
Disappointment, being a blow to self-confidence,
means that when you accomplish little steps,
your confidence will increase
and you will find it easier to work up to positive expectation again.
And believe that what you want is meant to be yours.
9.
Be open to new and unforeseen opportunities.
There is a quote that I've always loved,
regardless of how religious it happens to be:
"When God closes a door, he opens a window."
It basically means that the universe
cannot close an opportunity without opening an opportunity.
Just because you feel disappointed today,
does not mean that you should be.
In fact, most of the time we are simply taking inventory too soon.
We cannot yet see that what we have always been asking for,
is right around the corner
and that in years to come we will be glad
the thing we thought we wanted, didn't come through.
10.
Never stopped going in the direction of what you want
and never give up.
Life is Meaningless
if it is not lived for the purpose of happiness and passion.
And disappointment is nothing but a ditch
in the road of life.
If you allow yourself to be stopped by that ditch,
which we call disappointment,
then your life will become meaningless.
And I can assure you, that a life that is lived
that is nothing more than a chain of disappointments,
is still a million times better
than a life that is meaningless,
because it is without joy.
Anyone who has given up on their own dreams
can tell you this.
I want you to understand something very important;
Universal expansion and even personal expansion
can only happen as the result of lining up with your new desires.
It can only happen if you achieve your desires.
If you don't achieve your desires,
you never achieve the new platform of perspective.
You never achieve the platform from which to desire more,
from which to expand more.
And so it is not in the universe's best interest
for you to want something and not get it.
That means it's not in the universe's best interest
for you to be disappointed,
nor is it in your best interest to be disappointed.
And if it's not in the universe's best interest for you to be disappointed
because it forts expansion,
then you did not come to this life to be disappointed.
And everything you could possibly want
is meant to be yours.
This means that all disappointment is temporary.
Have a good week
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com