I'm going to be breaking that down for you in this video,
you do not want to miss this, so stay tuned.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney, a narcissist negotiation expert and
on this channel and in these videos,
I teach you how to shift the dynamic with narcissists
so, you want to make sure you hit that subscribe button and
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so that you can powerfully turn the tables on narcissists
or any toxic personalities in your business or in your personal life,
whoever they are.
So, let's talk about how narcissists test their victims, their new targets,
this is really, really important
because what's happening is they're actually conditioning you
so that their destabilizing you, they're weakening you, and
then when you go to negotiate with them,
you've already been conditioned and
then when you go to negotiate with them,
you actually now have to recondition them and
that's why you're kind of nervous about negotiating with them
because you kind of actually realize on a subconscious level
that you've been conditioned,
you know that if you try to fight back,
that they're going to kind of rage against you because
they've conditioned you to a place, where, if you try to do anything,
then, they're going to act a certain way and
how this all started, was in this testing phase and
that's why this testing phase is really, really an important phase and
How do they do that?
It's kind of on a micro level,
but it starts off, right off the bat, during this love-bombing face,
they target people who are strong,
they're targeting people who have lots of great qualities,
they want people who have lots of value, and
I say it all the time,
they're not looking for people who have no value,
they didn't target you because you have so little value,
they target you because you have so much value,
they want supply.
So, they love people who are strong, who have great connections,
who are beautiful people, who have great personalities,
who have lots of value in the world,
who maybe have lots of prestige, who are successful,
they want that, they want what you have.
I mean, a lot of times, they want to kind of suck it from you,
almost like a pod or something.
But then, once they get you into their world,
they want to kind of take over you.
So, that's when they start to manipulate you,
they want to start to devalue you, and
then they test to see how you behave when they do that.
So, they'll start doing things like
giving you the silent treatment or ghosting you and
then they see how you behave when they do that,
Did you allow it?
Or lying to you and how did you behave when that happened?
Did you let it go?
They didn't take responsibility for something that they should have,
Did you let it go?
Did they give you an explanation for something that didn't really add up?
Do they project, deflect? Do they lie? And you said “Oh, okay”
Did you buy it? Were they able to charm you?
Were they able to charm you into believing it?
Were they able to love bomb you back into their web?
Were they able to get you to forget about it and be back on track?
Did they have a tantrum? And
you stepped back and you went “Okay, nevermind”.
How did you behave with that?
Did you stay with them through that?
If they started interrogating you, how did you behave through that?
If they started playing the victim, How did you behave?
I have a whole video, by the way,
on if you catch a narcissist in a lie, what happens?
which you should definitely check out.
But, it's like the whole lying and denying and
deflection and projection, and the whole thing.
How did you behave with that?
Because the more that they get away with,
the more they realize that they can kind of pull you back,
push on you, pull you back, push on you, pull you back,
they’re conditioning you, and by the way,
there's this whole study that was done by a psychologist named
I think it was a psychologist, named Robert Sapolsky, and
he was out of Stanford University many, many years ago, and
he did a study on Monkeys, where he gave a monkey
a treat every single time they did something good and
nothing happened in their brain,
he was studying what happened with the chemicals in their brain and
then when they did something great,
he only gave them the reward intermittently and
then he studied what happened in their brain.
The dopamine levels in their brain were released,
that “Feel good hormone” in their brain actually,
rose to the level of cocaine, like it felt so good to them,
just the anticipation that they would be receiving this reward,
not the actual reward itself,
not the fact that they were going to get the reward,
just the anticipation that they were going to get the reward,
these dopamine levels would release and
so, that's what happens with people
who are in a relationship with narcissists,
they get this anticipation that
they're going to get this reward, of this love bomb
because they come on so strong, so charming, so amazing and
so they're able to charm you and
so, they’re conditioning, Are you going to forget about it?
“Oh, let the past, be the past, we're going to go forward”,
Do you go along with that? Do you believe in that?
Do you let the future faking wash over you?
Do you go along with the future faking? Do you buy into it?
So, that's what they're doing,
that's the testing process, that's the conditioning,
it's very, very sick and it's very highly manipulative,
but that's what they're doing, that's how they test you and
that's what's going on when they are testing you.
Because I bet you guys have seen this,
I bet you guys have experienced this,
they are conditioning you and
so what happens now in the negotiation phase is
you guys have to condition them back,
you have to start making these micro steps that other direction and
that's how you start shifting the dynamic
because you're going to start to march forward in a different direction and
you're going to start to turn the tables and
when you start doing that,
you will start to see them retreat and you will start to see that
they are actually more afraid of you than you are of them.
That's the not-so-secret secret,
How you start doing that?
By grabbing my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
You also subscribe to this channel,
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Give this video a like, give it a share,
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I will definitely see you in the next video.
Remember today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am so glad that you stopped by,
I'm so glad you're part of my community and
narcissists aren't actually not all that scary,
you can definitely turn the tides on them.
I'll see you in the next video!