Dad, are you ready to hold him?
Do you want to hold him?
Yeah.
OK.
Let me grab him for you.
Nurses.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Go ahead and take him with the other dads, please.
Here, let me give you back your baby.
Does that happen very often?
All the time.
[LAUGHS]
Wow.
We're flying Coachella tonight, me and her.
Oh, I love midnight showings.
Pass the popcorn.
Thank you-- oh.
My parents just offered to watch the kids for the weekend.
No way.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Bye.
Love you, too.
Yeah, Tyler.
Nice to meet you, guys.
Whoa, she's pregnant.
I'm going to say that.
She could just be really bloated.
I'm going to look like a total buffoon if I'm wrong, here.
It's hard to tell.
This is why you should never say anything.
Don't say anything.
There's no upside.
No, but it'd be rude not to.
She's rubbing her belly.
Why is she doing that?
Would I do that?
She's pregnant.
I'm going to do it.
3, 2, 1.
Congrats on the baby, by the way.
What baby?
[TENSE MUSIC]
Just kidding.
(LAUGHING ANXIOUSLY) OK.
OK, that was good.
OK.
That was good.
Hey, bud.
I'm grabbing a diaper.
I'll be right back, just don't move.
[SIGHS] I will never understand.
Honey, I'm going to need some help!
As you can see, we are very girl-dominant.
Love the dolls, love the playhouses,
but I just want one son so we can play a little baseball
in the backyard.
3, 2-- be blue--
1.
No!
(CRYING) I'm so happy.
The end.
All right, buddy.
Time to go to bed.
No.
Excuse me?
Get your hands out of your mouth.
This is a serious conversation.
Your mother and I really need you to go to bed.
No.
Do you have any weapons on you?
What is this?
A sword.
You trying to pull a fast one on me?
Yeah.
How much more time do you need?
Five.
Best I can do is three.
No!
Five minutes!
I can give you a cheese stick.
Do you know where Dinky is?
I've got people in a very special place
right now they can execute some very harmful things to Dinky.
Yeah, now you're thinking, aren't you?
What about this-- Snack Pack, cheese stick, Doritos?
Eight More minutes?
I can't do eight minutes.
You want to sleep with Mommy and Daddy?
(THICKLY) Yeah.
In our bed?
Yeah.
OK.
Let's go sleep with Mommy and Daddy.
Looks like Daddy didn't smell your diaper.
You know what else Daddy didn't smell
is a home-cooked meal tonight when I got home.
If
Mommy was sleeping through the night,
maybe she would have more energy.
Maybe if Mom would get off TikTok
she would have a little bit more energy.
Mommy's been up all night feeding the baby.
Well, if Daddy physically could feed the baby,
maybe he would help at night, as well.
But he can't.
Oh, it sounds like Daddy's going to be sleeping on the couch
tonight.
You know what?
I'll just change her.
That's what I thought.
Yeah.
So twins, huh?
That's crazy.
Did you decide on names?
We haven't told you the names yet?
No.
It's Neebert Meeder.
[SPITS] (LAUGHING) Those are great names.
What's so funny?
"Neebert" and "Meter?"
It's Meeder.
Meter.
Meter, yeah.
No, you're saying it wrong.
Meeder.
"Met-er."
Meeder.
[SNORTS]
No "t," like "mead-er."
Mirror.
Kind of.
Meter.
Yeah.
Well, we can't wait to meet her.
Yeah, that's it.
You got it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I know.
It's humid, just don't be judging.
You should be judging this family.
They're set up for failure--
literally just staring at screens.
It's a travesty.
If we have kids, we will never be like them-- no screens.
Pinky promise.
Absolutely.
[GASPS] Garrett, phone down.
Phone down.
OK.
I got the emergency backup.
I got it.
Good.
Crisis averted.
30 more minutes of peace.
Welcome to Grandpa and Grandma's.
Y'all come on in.
Hold on.
Dad, we've got some rules.
So we're on the B schedule, which means vegan food only,
gluten-free pasta--
But I love gluten.
Only make with filtered water.
What are you cooking for them.
Chicken nuggets.
No, the pasta.
Y'all go, have fun.
We got this.
What are y'all doing?
Oh no.
Guys!
Lucy, you don't like ice cream.
I do.
She does now.
Would you say something?
They're your parents.
Well, they're your rules.
Welcome, valued customer.
[SCANNER BEEPING]
[SCREAMS]
I mean, you can see, 99th percentile right there.
Yeah.
I mean, he's faster in water-- kind
of call him a Michael Phelps Junior.
Check out how advanced he is.
It's unreal.
Go do your bench press.
Watch him rip these.
He's ranked in the Dallas area top 100.
Kid's a four-star for his age group.
I mean, he's a match-up nightmare.
I've got a 5-year-old I'm still trying to get potty trained.
Yeah, one second.
He can really do it all.
Wait, did you just ask me over to show off your kid?
Well, dude, don't you wish you could have met
Tiger Woods when he was five?
Camera nerd, you missed it!
Dude, that could've been his documentary.
[INAUDIBLE] stop, stop.
Ow!
Wow, that's hot.
Rhett Man, want a haircut?
Where did you get that?
How did you get out here?
That's mine!
No, no, no, what are we doing?
What are we doing?
Give me the Sharpies.
No, no, no.
Hey, we've got some news.
You're finally retiring.
No, you're going to be a brother.
I already am a brother.
Again.
We're pregnant.
Are you ser-- what?
It happens.
You're going to be, like, 70 when he's in kindergarten.
Better than 80.
Thanks for the high chair.
We'll get the crib tomorrow.
Dad--
Hey man, OK if I jump in with you?
Yeah.
Jump in, man.
I got a few kids, so it's a little messy.
It's not bad though.
I got kids, too.
I get it.
No worries.
OK, you got a problem.
Make sure you get your seat belt on.
Throw it to the back.
It's fine.
You don't need that.
Well-- do you still want-- you got it.
Why do we have to come to this again?
Because she's turning one.
It's a big deal.
Who's turning one?
Yeah, great question.
See?
That's-- why are we here?
Blippi's going to be here.
Oh, great.
That'll make it super enjoyable.
Yes, it's going to be awesome.
Look, they have princesses.
Hey.
[LAUGHS]
Borderline obnoxious.
That's how we roll here at the Jones house.
You know what?
You need a nice little--
I don't need one.
--unicorn, right there on the chin.
Yeah, look at that pop real nice.
Sorry about that.
He and I are going to have a little date on the bounce
house.
[LAUGHS]
All right.
That's awesome.
Oh, look out for my cousin, Blippi.
Oh.
Hi!
Oh, you look a little upset.
Are you angry?
I have something that'll cheer you up.
It's an alligator.
That's awesome, man.
It swims, and it squirts!
[LAUGHS]
[SCREAMS]
Why did I come to this party?
[SCREAMS]
The unicorn is loose!
[SCREAMING]
No, delicious cake!
Why?
Where is he?
You better get over here, Blippi!
[SCREAMING]
Your body's going to go through some changes.
But that's part of pregnancy.
I am in it with you.
And I promise, I will never let you be
the biggest one in this family.
Babe, I think you need to pump the brakes.
I'm not even showing yet.
Your hormone are showing.
I'm fine.
I can lose this in a week.
Worry about yourself.
[DOORBELL]
Doordash, we're coming!
My wife is coming.
Hey, that's my Italian.
Will you get it?
Sorry, my mouth was full.
I said, Italian.
It's a tour of Italy from Olive Garden.
[LAUGHTER]
I know.
We got to change your diaper.
Bad poop.
I know it's a bad poop.
Oh, bud.
That's a stinker.
Oh!
Babe, it's a blow-out!
What is that?
Oh, babe!
Good news!
I found that missing AirPod!
It's not connecting.
Who engineered these things?
Break my shoulder trying to get this thing--
thing tight.
All right.
Honey!
Come check it!
Babe, wrong car.
I said the Tahoe.
[SCREAMS]
Hey, boys.
Raise your hand if you're a dad now.
Bew!
Just me?
Dad-mode engaged.
Tucked in shirt every day, all day.
Rad dad ain't bad.
[CHUCKLES] Did you guys hear about the new electric minivan?
(WHISPERING) I want it so bad.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes a parent, like me.
OK.
I need y'all to eat all your foods.
Don't want it.
I'm done.
I'm not hungry.
No, no, no.
I'm hungry.
Want ice cream, Mommy.
Mom, we want cookies!
We got it, never mind.
Which one's yours?
Oh, the safe one.
Mom.
I actually added the bells this year.
I actually think he likes them.
Ow.
Smart.
That's really sweet, baby.
Let's not talk to that kid.
Welcome to Dude Burger.
What would you like?
Yeah, can I get a "wawa" and an "ambogo--" sorry.
Can I get a water and a hamburger?
Kids.
Will that complete your order, sir?
She's going to order.
I want ice cream and I want some sprinkles on it.
Yeah, we'll have an ice cream cone with extra sprinkles.
[BABBLES]
Ketchup or mustard?
[BABBLES]
She says ice cream, but she means corn dog.
Corn dog.
[MUSIC PLAYING]