♪
Hey, Billy.
Hello, Missy's dad.
-Is your father home? -Yes.
Could you get him for me?
Happy to.
Dad, it's Missy's dad!
He's also Sheldon's dad!
HERSCHEL: Well, howdy, neighbor.
Hey, Herschel.
What brings you by? Chickens too loud?
-Nah, they been fine. -Good, good.
Fried up the noisy one last week.
That shut him up. Anyway, how can I help?
Uh, well...
It's come to my attention that, uh...
Sheldon's run into a bit of trouble with your daughter.
What kind of trouble?
He says she been beating on him.
-My Bobbi? -Yeah.
This one? The six-year-old?
Bobbi, get over here!
You realize I've taken dumps bigger than this kid.
-Hi, Daddy. -Hey, babydoll, uh,
Mr. Cooper says that you've been picking on Sheldon.
-Now, is that true? -No, Daddy.
Are you sure?
Okay, go wash up for dinner.
I don't know what to tell you, George.
I mean, is it, is it possible
your son has a little crush on her?
Oh, I don't think he's wired that way.
Oh, are you saying that he's a...
No, no, I'm saying he's a bookworm. (chuckles)
Unless she's math or a dictionary, he ain't interested.
-Mm. -Yeah.
Thanks for hearin' me out.
Your wife sent you over here, didn't she?
-I don't want to talk about it. -(chuckles)
I bet she did!
Not talkin' about it!
Tell her I said hi!
(chuckles)
How'd it go?
I handled it.
Oh, thank the Lord.
Yeah. Me and the Lord.
Team effort.
♪
(whirring)
♪
(eerie music playing)
Hello, Bobbi.
You told on me.
Well, actually, my brother
figured it out, so, technically, I would argue that I didn't.
Doesn't matter.
Uh, I should let you know,
I've read a book on jiu-jitsu.
And I'm prepared to throw it at you.
♪
(screaming)
Shelly, it's just Bactine.
Aah!
I didn't even put it
on you yet.
(shushing softly)
You want to tell me what happened?
Bobbi Sparks came into the garage...
And she attacked you?
Not exactly. I tried to use jiu-jitsu on her,
but I tripped and fell.
Aw, baby. I'm so sorry you're havin' to deal with this.
It's okay.
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said,
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
And do you feel stronger?
No.
How are the knees?
Better, thank you.
Good.
And regarding this jiu-jitsu stuff, you should know
that a man's not supposed to raise his hand to a woman.
Oh, I won't. I don't want to hurt myself again.
♪
Did you ever have a bully when you were growing up?
Have you met your grandma?
I thought you said you handled it next door.
I did say that.
Where you goin'?
To handle it.
(quietly): Should've been you in the first place.
What?
Good luck!
(door shuts)
Way to go, Scooby! That's my newshound!
Missy, I could really use your help.
With what?
I'm being bullied by Bobbi Sparks.
Hilarious. Go on.
Madame Doo!
That's me!
Mom says a man should never raise his hand to a woman.
But I believe I've found a loophole.
You're a woman, so you're allowed to hit her
as much as you want.
Why would I do that?
Because I'm willing to pay you.
How much?
My life savings, four dollars.
That's a good start.
Now, let's talk TV privileges.
What do you want?
Complete control every afternoon for two months.
That's when Professor Proton is on.
I know. Sucks for you.
(sighs)