Lolita fashion is a distinct alternative substyle that is categorized
by a number of different things to make a look "lolita"
The fashion is also unique in that it has a community around the fashion
of people who support one another and gather to wear the fashion together
And somehow giving and receiving constructive criticism has become sort of a requirement
to exist in the lolita community, specifically online
This doesn’t happen so much in person because it would be rude
So why is it so prominent online?
Hear me out: first of all, I'm not speaking on behalf of the entire community
Just as me, Lor, with my own thoughts and opinions, as a lolita
But not all lolitas may agree with me and that's okay
I'm also not saying that concrit itself is always bad
It's not always bad But it should always be consensual
If someone asks for advice and constructive criticism about their coordinate
Please give it to them, help them!
The point that I want to tackle today is that it shouldn't be normalized expectation that
you will always receive concrit and you should always be open to concrit, and that concrit
is such a big part of lolita fashion
I also need to acknowledge what concrit is because a lot of online lolitas will say they
are giving "constructive" criticism
When they are actually just giving criticism
[Rilakkuma:] Let’s have an example of concrit
Here’s a post and the caption says “Something feels off about this coordinate
and I’m not totally happy with it, does anyone have advice? Concrit welcome"
A good commenter might say
[High-pitched voice:] "The socks and headpiece in this coordinate
seem a little bit casual for the hime style of the dress
I think they might work better with a more casual onepiece or jsk.
You might want to try a more elaborate headpiece like a bonnet
or ruffle headband with tights that have a similar lacy texture
to this dress, rather than the striped cotton."
[Rilakkuma:] Totally appropriate and great concrit!
They address things you could change and also give examples of things to try
Now here’s a post that just says
"My coordinate for the Royal Princess Alice tea party"
A bad commenter might say
[Snarky voice:] "those shoes aren’t lolita, and your hair is too messy"
[Rilakkuma:] First of all the poster didn’t ask for concrit,
secondly this is not constructive, this is just criticism
You didn’t offer any changes the poster could make
Also the coordinate wasn’t meant to be a perfect representation of lolita
It is purposefully edgy and experimental
Lor asked viewers to submit things they had received that weren’t actually concrit, and there were a lot!
All of these not concrit, not helpful and
most of the original posters didn’t ask for any of this advice
[Lor:] When people post their outfit on the internet, and they don't ask for concrit
That is not a draft That is a finished product
That's not something that someone's working on, that's an outfit that they've finished,
they've put out there, it's done You are not obligated by some omniscient lolita
presence to tell them that "those shoes don't work with lolita and you should wear tea parties instead"
Because maybe that person specifically chose
those shoes And they didn't really care if their coordinate
was "lolita enough"
Here’s the thing, you are not entitled to make anyone’s lolita coordinate “better” or
"more lolita" And what you think is better, or more lolita,
might not match their personal style
And if you think of something that might help someone wear their lolita piece more ways,
you can always suggest it as a coordinate for the future,
without degrading their current coordinate
The reason that concrit culture has become such a big part in the lolita community online
is this idea that lolita fashion needs to be "preserved"
Which, okay, maybe I’m slightly more sensitive to
because it just takes me back to all those times when people would shout in my face
that the sanctity of marriage needs to be "preserved"
and gays shouldn't be able to marry because of that
And that’s my own trauma that I've gotta work out, but it just has the same energy
What feels h***phobic even though it isn't h***phobic?
The way that lolitas will often defend unsolicited concrit
Lolita fashion has a series of rules but who made these rules and who enforces them?
Let's break down the idea of preserving lolita fashion
I became interested in lolita fashion back in 2006 when it looked something like this
and the ideal sweet lolita would wear "natural makeup" and people were against wigs
and it was really important to cover your knees for some reason?
So many new motifs and styles have emerged since then, and why? Because people broke the rules
People were experimental
Even the main Japanese lolita brands have broken the rules and their silhouettes
I can’t speak on behalf of the Japanese lolita community as I have limited experience there
but it seems like a lot of the lolitas in Japan just don’t care
They don't care as much Especially if you look at street snaps in
KERA and Gothic Lolita Bible, it seems like lolitas in Japan are just finding more ways
to wear lolita daily and sometimes that means sacrificing having it be such a perfect lolita outfit
Maybe they're not gonna wear a headpiece, cause it's gonna get in the way while commuting,
or maybe they're gonna be wearing running shoes or they're carrying grocery bags or have an incomplete coordinate
But they just wanna wear the fashion, they wanna wear their dresses
Or they wanna style it in different ways
I feel like if you took some of the street snaps from KERA and GLB and posted them on
Rufflechat or Closet of Frills, they would be destroyed
I think that one of the concerns that lolitas outside of Japan have with "preserving the fashion"
is that the fashion itself isn't recognized in those places and we daily deal with people
who have no idea what we're wearing So we want to present it and represent it
perfectly, all the time
I think also a contributor is the fact that it's less popular in Japan
But that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist in Japan
When you wear a lolita fashion you don't have to be a perfect representation of it
all the time That's not a sustainable goal
That's way too much pressure
Over the years people have asked me a lot how to be experimental with lolita
And the way I think of it is that lolita fashion is sort of like an artistic medium
It's a base, it's something that you start with
And maybe you style it one way and it ends up being sweet lolita, maybe you style it
another way and it's not exactly categorised as anything
Maybe it's more street style or fairy kei And that's okay!
Anytime someone wants to argue with me that one of my clown looks or one of my more costumey
looks isn't lolita, I'm like "fine, it's not lolita. Does it matter? No!"
It's okay to use lolita pieces in styles that aren't necessarily lolita
I remember years ago, I saw this photo of Lil Mama at the BET Awards and I remember being
outraged that she was not wearing a blouse and she didn’t have a headpiece and she was wearing sneakers
And now when I look at this, I can’t conjure up any of those feelings and I'm not bothered by it at all
So why did I feel that way in the first place when I originally saw it?
Because the lolita community had put all of those pressures onto me wearing the fashion
With this video, I want to help not perpetuate that
I don't wanna keep this cycle going of these harsh expectations all the time, everyone,
wearing any lolita piece, ever!
Lil Mama isn't being a lolita fashion ambassador in this moment
She's not respresenting the entire fashion And no one is gonna take their entire perception
of this fashion and community from this one image
Maybe they will google this dress and look into it more and try to figure out what she's wearing
And that goes for really any celebrity who has worn lolita fashion or lolita fashion pieces
Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, Jessica Simpson, Lady Gaga
And maybe they wanted to wear full coordinates, or wanted to wear a certain thing or didn't
wanna wear it at all and it was just their stylist's choice, who knows?
When it comes to being experimental, or wearing lolita pieces differently, I think that there's
also context that's important to note
For example, Lil Mama is at the BET Awards, there is no lolita dress code, there's no
brand allegiance required
The only time that think I that lolita rules hold a high significance is at private events
Things like brand tea parties, high teas The reason for this varies, maybe at a brand
event you may be required to wear an item from the brand
And that is because the organisers want to have the people coming to this meetup supporting
the brand, they want fans of the brand Perhaps at another event you might be required
to have a dress code and stick within a specific theme
But these are mainly private events which you don't have to go to
And the organisers are putting their time and work, and oftentimes money, into making
these things, they can really make any requirements that they want
They could require that you put a Post-it note on your forehead that says "I am a lolita"
But the requirements of those particular events don't reflect the entire community, or the fashion
This might be controversial, but I've actually seen coordinates that I don't like
But I don't criticise the person for trying or make fun of them because I don't like their style
I just look for a coordinate that I do like
I touched on this subject before, a while back, when someone on Tumblr asked me what to say to an ita
And the answer is, you don't need to say anything?
They're allowed to wear it "badly", maybe to them they don't see it as being bad
Or maybe they haven't figured out their style But allow them to do that on their own and figure out what they wanna wear
Unless of course they ask for advice, but don't make them feel pressured that they have
to ask for advice or that they have to change
My coordinate in my first Daily Lolita LiveJournal post was a mess
But at the time, I felt great in it And I asked for constructive criticism,
in that post, not because I really wanted it, but because I saw it so often in that group
that I thought I had to
And what I took from that post for years was I thought that people were so mean to me,
and they were so unaccepting
And then I looked back at it years later in a video and I realised they really weren't
I just wasn't in a place where I wanted that
I think this is something that we should look at from both sides, not only giving constructive
criticism but being open to receiving it
If you are really happy with your coordinate, have that confidence! Own it, and don't ask
people to change it, don't ask people for advice
You do not have to ask for permission, or approval, from anyone in the lolita community
to wear what you want to wear
Before you ask for constructive criticism on a post, prepare yourself to hear
terrible things about your coordinate
Not everything that people say will be bad, but there will be some and you want to have
the confidence to know how to navigate those comments
The way that I see it, "constructive criticism" in online groups fall into three categories:
Hateful or harmful comments DISGUISED as constructive criticism
Irrelevant advice
And then actual helpful constructive criticism advice that will be good for you
Now, the first category is FTRASH, which I had to add the F there, because the community
is also known widely for being fatphobic And you know what we do with effing trash?
We throw it away
None of those comments matter
Now, people who leave irrelevant advice may be trying to actually help you, but they just
don't really know your situation, your background, your style
If you come across an irrelevant comment, you shouldn't take it to heart because it
can be really dangerous
Let's try an example: let's say someone says that I should wear this Baby the Stars Shine Bright
blouse with this coordinate
And to me I'm thinking, "Hmm. I don't think that blouse is gonna fit me, I don't think
it's within my budget, and it's not really my style"
Therefore, to me, that comment is irrelevant, and I should just move on and look at one
that might help me
If I sit on that comment for too long, I might start thinking, "Oh, this person really
thinks I should wear this blouse, but it won't fit me, is there something wrong with my body?"
"This person thinks I should really wear this blouse, but it's out of my budget, is there-
am I not good enough to wear lolita?"
"But it's not really my style, is my style wrong?"
No, no, no, no, no! It's just not relevant to you!
The commenter may not know any of these things Or mean to imply any of these things
So it's- maybe they just suggested it because they own that blouse and it works for them
and they don't know any better
So just move onto another comment that might be helpful to you, and remember that
that one doesn't apply
If you see a post and you're overwhelmed with this feeling and this obligation that you
HAVE to tell them how to wear their clothes Ask yourself "why?"
Why is this so important to you? And is there a way that you can do it that
will help them think of more future outfits, without tearing them down?
Because you don't realise the lasting effect that some of your criticism can have,
whether you mean it to or not
Just like concrit culture has become a big part of lolita community, do you know what else has?
Leaving lolita
Quitting lolita
And I don't think that it is entirely due to constructive criticism, or over-criticism
But it does definitely play a part into it
That's a whole other topic that I am going to get into in another video
My next video Whenever I finish editing it
It'll be up, maybe a few weeks
Please subscribe, I will be talking about why lolitas quit, when constructive criticism can go too far
How to give constructive criticism without going too far
How to help people from quitting How to- things to consider when you wanna quit
All of those things, video coming soon
So how do we preserve lolita fashion? By wearing it!
You don't need to police other lolitas on how they wear it, you just need to wear it yourself, the way that you would see fit
The way that you think is right and wanna represent
And if you wear it in an experimental way, or a way that's different, just say so
I find that there has been a great representation of this on tiktok
A lot of lolitas on tiktok just make tiktoks saying like "this is me, this is me wearing lolita, this is what lolita is"
And that's gonna keep the community alive and thriving
To lolitas it seems like not that big of a deal, like, yeah, sure, it's a coordinate
But that's reaching all new audiences and showing representation of lolita fashion
Someone wearing lolita fashion "badly", "incorrectly" or in an experimental way isn't going to kill the fashion
But you know what will? Being rude to them about it
Making people feel unwelcome
That will make the community disappear That will kill off the fashion
Of course I'm not telling you to never give constructive criticism
But it shouldn't be expected or normalised
And if someone doesn't ask for constructive criticism, and you give it to them, you should be held accountable for that
All I want with this video is for us to be more conscious of these behaviours and recognise
when we do and don't want criticism
With all of my content, I want people to feel more comfortable in lolita fashion and welcome
into the community, without the fear of insiders judging them
Because the world outside of lolita fashion already judges us
So we should do whatever we can to support one another