-You guys, Thanksgiving is just three days away.
[ Cheers ]
I saw that tomorrow President Trump will pardon
a turkey at the White House.
[ Light laughter ]
Then he'll spend the next week criticizing him
for not thanking him enough.
[ As Trump ] "I should've let you got eaten."
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Actually, the White House just posted photos
of the two turkeys Trump will pardon,
and they also released photos of the two turkeys
Trump refuses to pardon. Take a look.
There they are, yeah. -Wow.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-A bit of a scandal. A bit of a scandal.
-Really? -Yeah.
It came out that National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster
called President Trump an idiot, and said he had the intelligence
of a kindergartner.
[ Light laughter ]
And Trump said, [ As Trump ] "Oh, yeah?
Then why am I reading at a first-grade level...
[ Laughter and applause ]
...and tweeting at a sixth-grade level!"
[ Normal voice ] Calm down.
[ Light laughter ]
[ As Trump ] "I'm gonna go have lunch with the turkeys."
[ Normal voice ] What?
[ As Trump ] "Not only am I pardoning them,
I'm hanging out with them all week."
[ Light laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] This weekend, Trump sent a tweet where
he criticized Senator Jeff Flake for saying bad things about
quote, "your favorite President."
[ Light laughter ]
People were like, "He said bad things about Obama?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
He's talking about me --
Well, this is pretty big. After saying that he'd let
people import elephant trophies into the U.S.,
Trump got a lot of backlash from the public and changed his mind.
Yeah, Trump's really -- He's really trying to win back
animal lovers, even made his own nature documentary
that's coming out. -Oh.
-Yeah, watch this.
[ As Trump ] This is Donald Trump,
and I love animals
which is why I made Trump's Planet Earth.
I'm gonna tell you about all my favorite animals, such as --
the chimichanga,
the waaaalrus,
Mitch McConnell,
the topanga,
Mufasa, and, of course, my favorite,
orange tan.
[ Normal voice ] It's weird, right?
-Orange tan? -Orange tan.
-Wow.
-Meanwhile, Al Franken said that he isn't resigning,
but will spend the next few days reflecting.
Reflecting is a political term meaning, "hope someone else
gets busted and this whole thing blows over."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Smart.
Another big story here, last night Charles Manson died
at the age of 83.
Which means today he met his new roommates, Adolf, Osama,
and the Time Warner customer service reps.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's right, Charles Manson passed away.
Then "Dancing with the Stars" was like, "Well, on to O.J.
All right here we go. We gotta -- make some calls.
Get on that."
This is cool. Last night, the balloons
for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade were inflated.
It's a big deal.
This year is actually the parade's 91st anniversary.
Isn't that wild? That's amazing, yeah.
[ Applause ]
I think you can sort of tell the balloons are getting
a little older though. I'll show you what I mean.
For example, here's what the Elf on the Shelf balloon
used to look like.
Here's what it looks like now.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Wow. -Yeah, I mean --
Here's what the Charlie Brown balloon used to look like.
Here's what it looks like now.
You see what I'm saying? -Wow.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-And finally, here's what the Ronald McDonald
used to look like.
Here's what it looks like now.
-Wow. -And it's just very, very --
They might want to work on the balloons a little bit.
We'll be there.
That's right, this Thursday is Thanksgiving.
It's going to be Donald Trump's first Thanksgiving as President.
A lot of people are wondering
what a Trump family Thanksgiving is like.
Well, we have an expert on the topic.
Please welcome "Tonight Show" correspondent Patty Harrison.
Hey, Patty.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Thanks, Jimmy, it's really great to be back.
-Patty, what can you tell us
about the Trumps' Thanksgiving plans?
-I'm actually a long-time friend of the family,
so I eat with them every year. -Really?
You spend Thanksgiving with the Trumps?
-Yeah. A few years ago, I told them I'm Eric Trump's wife,
and no one questioned it.
[ Laughter ]
-Makes sense. Okay --
How does a typical Trump family Thanksgiving work?
-First, let's talk seating arrangements.
I sit at the big table with Donald, Melania, Ivanka,
and Jared. -Mm-hmm.
-Eric and Don Jr. sit at the kids' table.
-Oh, perfect, yep. -And Tiffany sits outside.
[ Audience ohs ] -Okay -- Now,
do you guys say grace? -Absolutely, Jimmy.
The Trumps are a family driven by values.
We all hold hands and read from the good book,
"The Art of the Deal."
-Okay, yeah.
And then what happens?
-They bring out the turkey, and it's a free-for-all.
Eric grabs a wing, Ivanka grabs a thigh,
Donald Trump grabs a turkey by the --
-All right, all right. Okay, Patty, Patty, Patty.
Wait a second.
What about dessert, do they have apple pie or pumpkin pie?
-Actually, for dessert, we have créme brulée,
which Melania flambés just by staring at it
with her fiery gaze of steely regret.
[ Laughter ]
-Wow, and how does the night end?
-It's beautiful.
Trump, Don Jr., and Eric all sit on the couch watching football.
And if you squint hard enough, they start to look like
the colors of the changing leaves.
-Oh, that's beautiful.
Thank you. Patty Harrison, everybody.
Thank you, Patty.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, I saw that the Georgia Dome was demolished today in Atlanta.
Did you see this?
It's fantastic.
A cameraman for the weather channel
had a perfect shot lined up, because they we're going
to demolish the Georgia Dome, yeah.
So he's got it all lined up, perfect shot, and then he ran
into a little trouble.
Take a look at this.
[ Crashing ]
There he goes.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Meanwhile, everyone on the bus was like, "Wow, what a view!
When are you going to see something like this?
It's award winning."
Some news out of England. I saw that Queen Elizabeth
and Prince Philip are celebrating
their 70 anniversary by getting new portraits together.
It was a big day for them and a huge day
for the photographer at Sears.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Cock your head like that.
This is going viral, at a high school wrestling match in Texas.
A referee used a pretty interesting move
to get in position. Take a look at this.
[ Crowd noise ]
[ Laughter ]
Come on. -Come on.
Come on. -What, that's it?
Come on.
Can we see that again? I just want to see --
-It's not about me, man. It's about the kids.
-Even crazier, he walked home like that.
-Are you serious?
-I think it might be time to start drug testing the refs.
I really do.
And finally, I read that for the first time,
you're going to need a reservation to visit Santa
at Macy's.
But if you don't mind the smell of whiskey,
there's still a zero wait to visit Santa at JC Penney.
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!