- Hey, playa!
Have you ever asked someone out,
only to get a response from them saying
that they needed some time to figure it out?
Well, that's the question that Squetchy asked me
when he said, "Could you do a video
"on what it means if your crush says
"she needs to figure some things out
"when you ask her out?"
Don't worry, Squetchy.
A lot of people run into this issue,
but I have a solution that I think can work for you.
♪ This is the Josh Speaks ♪
♪ You're watching the Josh Speak ♪
For those of you that are new here,
my name is Josh,
and every single Monday through Friday,
I make videos sharing tips, ideas,
and stories teaching you how to be your best self,
and today we're gonna talk
about this kind of delayed response
from the person that you like,
telling you something like,
"I'm not really sure,
"I need time to figure it out.
"I'll get back to you."
Getting a maybe from someone
after you've asked them out
can be a somewhat unsettling feeling.
You don't really know if they're leaning more toward yes
or leaning more towards no.
Now, there's a lot of different potential reasons
why a person might have said "Maybe."
Maybe they're not allowed to start dating yet.
Maybe they're not sure if they want to date
at this age in this grade.
Maybe they're not sure how they feel about you.
It's hard to pinpoint the exact reason why
without digging more into the question.
So, I think that's really what you have to focus on doing.
Let's also not rule out the possibility
that maybe the answer they gave you
was because they didn't know how to say no
without looking like a jerk.
Sometimes, people will do this.
They'll tell you, "I'm not really sure,"
simply because they feel bad telling you no.
They know it might hurt your feelings,
so they kind of taking the easier road out.
And if their answer really is no,
wouldn't you want to come to that conclusion
as fast as you can to avoid wasting any further time?
Now, you might be thinking how.
How do I get them to go further into their answers
so I can really know what they're feeling?
Well, the best way to do that
is to do what most people usually don't.
What most people tend to do
when they ask out their crush,
and their crush gives them an answer like,
"I don't know, I just need some time to figure it out."
They tend to just back away and wait.
I totally see how this makes sense.
They said they need some time,
so you're just gonna quietly wait in the background
and not really bother them, or interact with them,
and let them try to think it through
so that they can come to you with their answer.
However, that's just not how things really work out.
What ends up happening is your crush sees
that you're no longer pursuing them.
You're no longer trying to go out with them,
and of course, it becomes easier and easier for them
to push into the back of their minds,
and to focus on other things.
What I'm not advocating for is to be pushy,
and being pushy is simply constantly asking them over
and over to go out,
and what do they want to do,
and how do they feel about you,
and waiting and trying your best
to get that answer from them.
Oh my God, it's gonna drive them crazy.
What I am advocating for is to continue to show your crush
that you like them.
Keep flirting with them,
keep joking with them,
and every so often, invite them
to do something new with you.
I've talked in the past
about how you should never phrase asking someone out
in the simple terms of "Will you go out
"with me, yes or no?"
You should always tie it to something.
Do you want to go for a walk in the park?
Do you want to hang out after school?
Do you want to go watch a movie?
Asking them to do something specific
is way more effective.
So, in this case, if you ask them to, let's say,
hang out with you after school,
and they give you an answer like,
"I don't know, I'm not sure,
"I'll have to get back to you," that's okay.
Continue to talk to them.
Show them that you are still interested in them,
and just ask them to do something else another time.
A maybe can easily turn into a yes or a no,
but it all depends on how much emphasis
and work you put into that equation.
It can also be easy to feel rejected
if someone gives you an answer like,
"I'm busy," or "I can't make it."
Just hearing those words makes it seem
like they just don't want to spend their time with you,
but that isn't always the case.
Just because a person's busy,
doesn't mean that they don't like you.
Sometimes, people have things to do.
They have after-school activities,
they have a lot of homework,
they have tests to study for,
they want to hang out with their friends.
There's a million things going on in everyone's lives,
and all we're trying to do is fit everything together.
So, let's say, for example, you ask your crush
to hang out after school
and they tell you, "I don't really know if I can.
"I might have practice.
"I might have a lot of homework.
"I might be busy," that's cool.
Try to ask for something smaller.
Ask them to do something like, "Hey, that's cool.
"How about we hang out one day during lunch?"
If they can't do that,
"How about we meet up in the hallway?"
If they can't do that,
"How about we message each other on Snapchat?"
Try to find a way for the two of you
to still communicate,
but the double-edged sword here is to also be aware.
Try to really recognize that if maybe when they say,
"I don't know," or "I need some time,"
they genuinely just don't want to do it,
but they don't want to look like a bad person
in saying that.
It's not an easy thing to outright figure out,
but as you ask them for smaller and smaller things,
you'll start to see where they're really coming from,
and how they really feel.
What do you think though?
Have you ever asked your crush to hang out,
only to get a maybe answer from them?
Leave your comments down below
and we'll talk about it.
If you have a situation
that you don't really feel too comfortable putting out there
in the open, you can always shoot me a DM
over on Snapchat or Instagram.
I do my best to answer as many messages as I can.
This is not the end for you, no, no, no.
If you really want to learn
how to work through these type of situations,
definitely check out the videos I have listed over there
on the side.
Remember, learning is a gradual process,
so, you need to keep learning as much as you can
to really start to see what clicks
and what you could figure out.
Thank you guys so much for watching.
I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.