-(announcer) Welcome to The Dating Game!
Here's your host, Art Sweetheart.
-Hello, and welcome to another episode of The Dating Game,
the show where we play Cupid or we look stupid.
[laughter] Let's get right to it and meet our bachelorette.
[audience catcalling] She describes herself as sweet and sassy.
Say hello to Passion Fruit!
So, Passion Fruit, tell us about the men in your life.
-Well, Art, most of the men in my life are really sweet.
They can also be really annoying.
-So would you say when it comes to meeting Mr. Right-fruit,
you can really pick 'em? [laughter]
-Yeah, they're annoying because they say stuff like that.
[laughter]
-Well, let's see if we can play matchmaker for you, Passion.
Say hello to Bachelor #1.
[applause]
-I'm talking to a girl. Huzzah!
-Uh... hi, Bachelor #1.
-Bachelor #2.
[applause]
-[French accent]: Bonjour, Passion.
I look forward to getting to know you...very well.
-Ooh! I like your accent, Bachelor #2.
-And last but not least, Bachelor #3.
-Hey! Hey, Passion Fruit! Hey, Passion Fruit!
Hey, Passion Fruit, hey!
-Wait... that voice sounds familiar.
-Oh, I'm sure you're completely mistaken, Passion.
What do you say we move on to the first question?
-Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!
Bachelor #3, come on, pick me!
-Bachelor #1.
-[groans in disappointment] Come on.
-If we went on our first date, what would we do?
-Oh boy, you're so beautiful.
Oh no, spritzing, spritzing on the lovely. Oh no.
-[laughing]: He sounds like a motorboat making a milkshake.
-Did he say motorboat?
-Uh, pardonne-moi,
but I believe what Bachelor #1 was trying to say is,
a first date with one as lovely as you
would be the last first date of his life.
[audience catcalling] -Holy jumping gigawatts,
that was smooth.
-Phew! I... well... that's... rather forward.
-But Passion, my philosophy is never looked back,
so I can only be forward, yes?
-[laughs] Stupid Apple.
Red Onion made French toast out of you. [laughter]
-Okay, see, I'm getting that feeling again.
-[chuckles] You'll have to pardon Bachelor #3.
It is safe to say we are all intoxicated by your presence.
-Zippity-wowie-zowie!
-[whispering]: I think we can forget about Bachelor #1.
[laughter] -Apple's such a Mushmouth. [laughs]
-Let me remind the bachelors
that you're not supposed to reveal the identities of one another.
-I'm not a bachelor; I'm an orange.
[laughter] -Wow, I'm... totally shocked.
-See? I told you sparks would fly. Ha-ha!
-Can I talk to the super-hot French guy now?
-Super-hot French fry?
Be careful, he might burn your tongue. [laughter]
-That is entirely possible.
-Question! Ooh-ooh, question, come on! Question!
-Okay, that's really not necessary.
-Come on, nobody's asked me anything.
-[scoffs] Fine, Bachelor #3.
-Yay! I win! Suck it, Red Onion! [laughter]
-I am not an onion, you buffoon.
-If we went on our first date--
-But I don't own a calendar.
-A date, you idiot!
Like when two fruits really really like each other.
-Oh, sorry, that's not gonna happen.
[record scratches] -What?
-Yeah, I've already got someone I really like.
She's totally smart and pretty and purple,
and whenever I see her,
I feel like I just ate a butterfly made of chocolate,
if you know what I mean.
[audience awws]
-I think I do, Bachelor #3.
It's what's on the inside that counts.
-Well, since I've clearly lost control of the show,
let's lower the wall and see if Passion is right.
-She would choose this common piece of rubbish over me?
Clearly I am the superior fruit.
-Yowza-doy! It's back to Skyrim for me.
[mechanical whirring, short-circuiting]
[splat!]
-Whoa!
-Oh, my God, Orange, are you okay?
-Yeah. Poor guy.
I think he really had a "crush" on you, Passion.
[laughter]
-[groans] Please stop.
-Well, while we're busy contacting our attorneys,
you kids go out there and have a great time on your date!
-Yeah, come on, Passion. There's room for you, too.
-Get him off me! Get him off me!
-[laughs] Giddyup, Date!
Captioned by StreamCaptions.com